Sorry about the wall of text...

Let me preface what I'm going to say by letting you know that the simple 'move out' answer isn't really an option for me at the moment - at least until June - though I know it would make sense.

So this started about three months ago...possibly a little more, but recently it's really been scrambling my head in a big way.

I live in a house with four other people, three guys and a girl, all studying at the same university. We've been living together for two years now without any problem. That is until recently.

And the problem is this: I've started to have feelings for my housemate (didn't see that coming, huh). She and I never really spoke until just before Christmas - I know it sounds odd, but last year I worked damn hard, sometimes at the expense of everything else - plus she's pretty shy. So we started to get to know each other; she would text me constantly throughout the day (sometimes quite literally all day) and I'd respond in turn. The texts weren't your average 'friend' type stuff...it was teasing, playful. Again, at this point I knew I liked her more than I probably should, but it wasn't until I came back after the holidays that I realised just how much.

Since coming back, we've grown even closer, but this is where the problem lies. She spends hour after hour in my room - up until five am this morning, Friday night we were up until seven - but nothing ever happens. There's plenty of kino, and I've probably had chances but declined to take them out of what I suppose is fear of how horrible things could potentially get.

But it's not just that; it's other little things. We have a bunch of our own in-jokes - for example, I've told her in no uncertain terms that when she finally learns to drive she's going to be my chauffeur, so we've spent god knows how long picking out cars online. She's constantly trying to impress me. I mention her hat is cute, she starts wearing the hat all the time. I mention a dress she has is slinky, she wears it when we go out to dinner that night. I ask her why she wears blue contact lenses when her natural colour (green) is so much nicer, lo and behold she even goes without contact lenses that night. She buys food and booze that she doesn't necessarily like (but knows I do) then shares it with me. I leave my room to make white tea (which she bought me) and she comes downstairs into the kitchen complaining about being bored - this one happens all the time, and it's something I'm not entirely comfortable with; I'm not into the idea of being someone's entertainment when they have nothing better to do, but then I may just be overreacting.

Thing is, I do want to take it to the next level, but I have no idea whether I'm firmly in the LJBF camp, and if not (and even if I am, I'd at least like to try squirming out of it) I'm not sure how to proceed from here, wherever 'here' is.

And it gets worse: I've started to get irrationally jealous of all kinds of dumb stuff. No point going into detail about it here, suffice to say I know it's irrational. I feel like things are reaching critical mass, and I have to do something positive. Like I said, moving isn't an option, although I'm guessing it'll be the first thing that pops into most people's minds. I've not met anyone else recently I've clicked with in this way, so I'm kind of drowning here; any help would be much appreciated. Am I stuck in the LJBF zone? And if not then what now?

Hello Mailer, well, your case is very interesting.

First of all, for what you wrote about her, she seems a very low social skilled person, and that is easy to see, because you tell me that even when you leave her to make some tea, she starts complaining. If you go in something serious with this girl, the relationship will suck you both. So she will become the center of your life, and you will become hers. Thats easy to see when she does everything you say to her (the other option is that she is in love. People that are in love do things like that). She has a lack of personality, and confidence. You want a more independent girl, that you can leave alone and dont worry for her in a while.

You are not in the LJBF zone. Thats easy to see.

If you want a serious relationship with her, it will not be healthy for neither of you two.

I can see you like her, and that she likes you too.

My advice: If you want something serious with her, just try kclosing, but you will have to accept her how she really is, and Im telling you, that relationship will suck your life up, now its up to you if you want this to happen.

Here are some steps for jelousy:

1. Understand the emotions. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something and anger that someone is "moving in on" something that you feel belongs only to you.

2. Allow yourself to actually 'feel' emotions in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: Is it more fear-based or more anger-based? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations.

3. Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use "I" instead of "you." Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I felt terrible when that happened."

4. Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, "Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?" When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

5. Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won't have any friends.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy, and the fear will disappear. Don't listen to people who make you jealous.

Some Tips:

* Jealousy is not the same thing as love. Sometimes, people think that by feeling jealous about someone, they are loving them. Jealousy is not love; it’s the fear and anger of losing love. Jealousy disappears when you are truly loving yourself and others for whatever experience you’re having.
* Learn to be happy with yourself and what you have. Everyone is different, and each person has good and bad qualities. Realize that you have the potential to create a better future.
* Try to talk about your problems with someone. Perhaps you feel that these jealous tendencies are a private matter; then, you ought to anonymously ask an advice column or similar construct about your problem.
* Irrational jealousy usually stems from your own insecurities and low self-esteem. Address these issues first.
* Be happy for the other person. When you are jealous, you may think, "I like that; it would be nice to have that thing or experience." When you can be happy for another person's success and happiness, you allow positive feelings to flow into your life. Instead of being angry, congratulate the other person.

I hope this helps, see ya

Cheers for the response,

I should probably clarify, just so I don't make her out to be a complete whack job: It's not that she complains about me going to make tea...that really would be nuts...it's that her room is above mine, so she hears my door shut behind me, and magically appears in the kitchen thirty seconds later asking what I'm doing blah blah; loosely translated as 'can I come sit in your room for the next six hours?'

Thanks for the tips about jealousy. In my case I think it comes from shitty past experiences where I've acted like a limp wristed jackass and paid a horrible price. Funny how old feelings - stuff that you thought you'd forgotten about - can come back and bite you in the ass like some Pavlovian Doberman.

And yeah, I'm probably a moron, but I'd like to at least see if I can take things further. I'd only regret it if I didn't.

Then take things further, thats they way we all learn.

"Its better to regret something that you did, that something that you didnt do"

Fair point, the only issue I have is how? I've not been in this kind of goofy situation before. With someone you've just met it's simple enough, I don't have a problem with that, but someone you've known for a while...It's a question of timing I suppose, and I'm just keen to hear if people have any suggestions.