one thing in pickup that i've learned is to never tell a girl you think she's hot/pretty/beautiful etc. i think we can all agree that is a pretty standard rule for PUA's. i think it works very well too.

My Question:
does this apply in the relationship?

i've carried that mentality into my current relationship and i wonder if it's holding me back. don't get me wrong... at select opportunities i've told her "you look pretty tonight" when she gets all dressed up and stuff. i just wonder whether or not i should say it more.

the reason i ask is that recently my gf was telling me about little kid who tells her stuf like "you're so pretty". sometimes i wonder if she is trying to communicate to me that she doesn't feel pretty and she wants validation from me. the other night we were having sexy time and i said "i want you" and she seems to have responded well and got very excited.

i once heard that the only time you should says stuff like this is in bed. don't compliments like this sacrifice your frame?

what are your thoughts on this?

_________________
the place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum...

Yes definitely. As a relationship progresses its natural to stop giving compliments because being with the person you just assume he/she knows that you find them attractive. If she gets dressed up to go out and you think she looks amazing tell her!

No, compliments wont sacrifice your frame. It means even more to receive a compliment from someone that rarely gives them away. A tough confident guy is incredibly sexy when he can do a few things: a) apologize b) compliment c) show a little modesty.

_________________
"To Give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift" -Prefontaine

Not a PUA just a girl offering my opinions/advice

HEAR HEAR!!!

_________________
the place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum...

some good imput here.

i'm finding more and more that relaionships seem to be about BALANCE.

unlike pickup where you have to stick to a certain mentaility and strategy, relationships will fail if you only use that strategy. you have to mix things up and act differently at different times.

it's almost as if, in a relationship, one must be both PUA and AFC in order to keep her with you.

I am just a n00b. But my impression is that the problem with compliments is that you are supplicating, i.e. trying to gain her approval by giving her compliments. If you know that "you are the prize" and you are acting out this belief congruently, then complimenting her should not be a problem.

i think you have hit it on the nose with that. balance is key in a lot of things, and importantly in relationships.

_________________
the place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum...

And you don't want her looking else where for this validation.

_________________
Note to self: Reffering to Chief by something other than his name has the knock on effect of strolling into the chat room and being asked; 'Crumpetberry are you a single hippie looking for a man'

LMAO!
hahah, but no, i don't think it applies in a relationship; simply because it varies with many people. My current gf is rather high maintenance, and she constantly seeks validation from me; so when she deserves it i give her the "yes you do look gorgeous speech."
then again dont over due it. everything pretty much already covered here..

_________________
rAFC. I'm on a good path.
16 yrs. old, and loving it.

Sexcellent, I am going to let you in on a little secret I did with my ex girlfriend.

I only gave them compliments if they deserved it. For me to compliment a girl takes alot, but when I give it, It comes with alot of power and emotions behind him.

You can teach your girlfriend to want validation/compliments. My ex's knew if they got all dressed up and looked very sexy. That I would give them a compliment. So if they ever need validation from me they would look all nice and cute for me. Instead of giving "That" speech. I know all guys have had that speech before.

_________________
Fear it! Fuck it! Do It!

The Creator of the Facebook Poke Method!

Hesitation means Masturbation!

_________________
the place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum...

So... true... the biggest smiles come from the compliments - that are made genuinely, when she's not expecting it. She expects it when she's done up - but if you can find a moment to show her you're still looking at her with stars in your eyes when she's let her guard down and allowed herself to be comfortable with you and not "done up" - it builds your relationship stronger.

_________________
... mans best friend is a cute lesbian

Www.myspace.com/getluckynyc

Now Fly, A girl can be very cute even in just sweatpants. I am just honest and I know what I like.

_________________
Fear it! Fuck it! Do It!

The Creator of the Facebook Poke Method!

Hesitation means Masturbation!

Think of calling your girlfriend hot/sexy/beautiful as doggy treats.

Use them as a reward system and do NOT say it frequently. It will diminish the value of your compliments.

_________________
I'm addicted to facing my fears.

absolutely. but heartfelt, not just training a puppy

_________________
the place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum...