I have this problem. It's called jelousy and i get it really bad. This girl that im currently dating told me that the farthest she's ever went in a relationship is a handjob, but that makes me terribly anxious, especially since she's still friends with this person. She also told me that she and this guy wouldve gone farther if he hadnt broken up with her. We were on our way to her friends birthday party the other day and we had some extra time and i suggested that we stop at this park we usually mess around at. And she said noo, b/c we had to get to the party, even tho we were 40 mins early. She also has this inside joke with one of her guy friends that they are sex addicts. I tried not to let it bother me but it really got to me. I decided that i was going to break up with her.

The next day i decided that i would talk to her about it first. Idk if its b/c she's prolly the hottest girlfriend ive ever had and was scared i might not get another for a while, or b/c i really wanted to fix the relationship. I asked her about why she didnt want to stop and she told me she wasnt feeling good but she was beating herself up all night about it. And when i asked her about her and her 'sex slave' she said that's just how she is with her guy friends.

I really need a way to conquer this jelousy problem, i mean a handjob isnt that much, but i keep fearing she will go back to him especially since she told me it wouldve gone farther and they are still friends. And its not like i can cure this case of oneitous b/c i dont cheat. Any advice on what i should do would be greatly appreciated.

Jordan

i know how you feel. i used to get like that all the time in my last relationship. if this is your first relationship, then that might be why you feel so jealous.

sometimes gf's will say and do things just to see how jealous they can make you. this is sort of like a shit test. (note: if she is still shit testing you a lot in the later stages of a relationship then that is a sign that there may be some problems). i usually calibrate my behavior depending on hers. if she tells me about some guy she's friends with that she thinks is so great, and gives me a reason to be a lil jealous, then i'll tell a story about some girl i work with just to make her a lil more jealous. do not do this in a tit for tat kinda way, or it will be too obvious. when i get a lil jealous, thats really just like her successfully demonstrating her value to me. my goal here is really just to do my own DHV to counter hers and brings us back level. this process is sort of like saying "hey you may be a high value girl, but i'm also a high value guy".

I once heard that a little jealousy is actually a good thing once in a while. i can definitely see that. so while that amount may be healthy, if you find yourself obsessing with it, and thinking about it way too much then that could definitely become a problem. you need to fix this problem. either A) you are being irrationally paranoid, or B) she is giving you a good reason to be jealous and she really can't be trusted. being too paranoid will make you lose value with her fast. a high value guy or alpha is not going to get like that. just like with shit tests, you have to react in a way that shows you are confident, rather than insecure. if you are not being too paranoid, and you really can't trust her, then you need to seriously re-evaluate the nature of your relationship.

on a side note, i remember at one point having trouble dealing with other guys hitting on my gf. the best advice i ever got on this was from my older brother 3 years ago. he said:

"hot girls get hit on all the time, and thats just a fact of life. if you want to be with a hot girl, then your gonna have to deal with it and just trust her. the only real alternative is to find an unattractive girl that no guys are gonna hit on."

I don't like to feel jealousy. I decided not to feel it, and there ya go. I'm married, open relationship, and I've let my wife go off for a weekend to fuck someone else. I get the privilege to fuck other women too, although I'm still looking for the right partner for me (one of the reasons I'm on this site).

Look at it this way bro...the worst thing that can happen is that she dumps you for the other guy. If she wants to be with him, do you really want to force her to be with you? Probably not...that's not the kind of relationship I'd want to have.

Set her free. It's very reassuring when you set someone free and they still stick around. You then know it's because they actually want to be with you.

When you feel any jealousy, just think about all the HB's you could be fucking if your GF wasn't in the way.

Cheers!
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

90% of the time a partner feels jealous, it's correct. Well, in LTR's, and after a few years. Statistics collected from marriage-consultants.

Now, you're not in an LTR, and this is probably only paranoia. I felt jealous.. and I was right. My friend was hitting on my girl, and her on him. And by getting jealous I saved the relationship.

I advice you to: get to know the guy. Become his friend. Try to be with your girl when the two of them meet. Get to know his friends. I wouldn't advice you to install a keylogger or anything, even though it will make you sleep good at night. One of my friends did it.. haaaa, and guess what he found out.

If you want to STOP feeling this.. bad news. I don't think you can. You feel scared when survival value is under threat, you feel a sexual desire when you can increase replication value. Jealousy is there because of a reason, and you just cant turn it off. However, by making sure that the two of them is not up to something.. it will fade.

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tell her you don't like it when she acts that way with him. tell her you dont think it's appropriate to be talking sexual with someone she WAS (and probably STILL is) attracted to. Create a scenario for her and say, what if I did that with [insert HB girl here]. Just say you care about her and you respect she has a guy friend, but you're not going to tolerate her acting sexual.

You can do that, or completely ignore it. The downfall of this, is you're lacking caring. Girls will say or do things, to see if you will get jealous. Jealousy is a GOOD thing in a relationship, just not when it's overbearing. It shows you care about her and want to be with her. And that's the risk you run if you ignore it, showing you don't care. I would only do this for a short period of time, while subtly flirting with girls in front of her. With this approach, you can wait for HER to get jealous, and when she approaches you about it, just be like, what?? she's just a friend... (don't try and compare it to her talking sexual with the guy cause she will get defensive and say it's different). After this, show you care by saying "Baby, if you don't want me to talk to [HB] then I respect that." Now, after submitting to one of her requests, she will be more willing to respect your opinion with interacting with guys.

Hope this helps a bit. BE ALPHA!! Demonstrate your high value!! Make it seem like if she treats you wrong, there's plenty of other girls waiting for you!!

This I definitely agree with. Make her have to work to keep your attention. Not so much that it's undoable or offensive to her...just enough to for her to realize that she has to put some work into your relationship too.

I believe that jealousy is mainly caused by our own insecurities. You got your girlfriend...if she leaves you, you can get another one. Just remember that. Just because you are dating, in an LTR, or even married simply does not mean that neither you nor your SO will ever feel sexually attracted to anyone else. You both will. Realize that as a reality, and it should help with your jealousy. What you both choose to do with your other sexual attractions is what matters. You can deny it, put distance between yourselves and the object of attraction, you can cheat, you can swing with others...there's a few choices. But just realize that those attractions will always be there and there's nothing wrong with feeling those attractions...what you decide to DO with those attractions are what matters. Don't let the green-eyed monster rule you...take control of your emotions and act like the self-confident and secure guy who snagged your girlfriend in the first place.

My wife is very emotionally attached to her young boy-toy right now, and she's feeling some hurt over that. I really don't feel any jealousy over that...I'm trying to comfort her, actually, but I'm also quite irritated at all the drama she's creating over it, but I don't feel any jealousy over it. If she were to decide to leave me for an unemployed 22 yr old who doesn't like kids, I'm not going to stop her. If she's stupid enough to make a decision like that, I don't need her anyway.

My inflation-adjusted $0.02.
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Wow your in an open marriage?

that takes balls, me personally i couldnt live with the fact someone else is with my wife (im not married lol)

dont you ever get jeleous?

its just she would seem like my property i own her do you get me?

and as for the original question shes testing you my man, show your not bothered by going off to chat to some other girls when shes talkin to him, and dont look in her direction when your doing it jus make sure your in view and i garrentee she will be looking over.

and yeah if questioned "shes just a friend, if it upsets you i won't talk to her"

qualify her, You:"i would hate for you to feel like somethings going on, its not a nice feeling"

Well, no one owns anyone...you have to be with someone because you want to, and vice versa. Sometimes I feel a few pangs of jealousy, yes...but, I handle them well. I just intrinsically know that if she wants to run off with someone else I won't stop her. I'll help her pack, actually...I can always find someone as good or better. And, have a ball in the process. Like I said above about her ex-boy-toy...if she's unable to manage her emotions to the point that she decides to run off with an unemployed 22 yr old geek, then I don't need her in my life anyway.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.