Hi guys,

So, im screwed, and I know it

Short story:
im 34, never had problems with ladies, but never was one-night-stand type of guy, I like relationships and I am good at them. Im well off, stable guy, dont drink, smoke - but rather exercise a lot. Used to party as hell, but got bored 2 years back.
Shes 29, was 2 years in relationship, got dumped bad, I mean really bad, and they thought of having children. Apart from that, shes me - there are so many similarities it is just amazing. Our life looked similar, we like the same stuff - u get the picture

Met via Tinder 2 weeks after that break up.

I guess you see the problem already?

After 2 months of seeing each other, having amazing time, talking for hours, having sex for hours (and yes its good for both sides, its mind blowing for both) - I have fallen for her.
She hasn't for me.

She wanted to take it easy. No exclusivity. I couldn't accept that. We are exclusive since 2 weeks.
She is not ready for relationship - we both know it. She is still hurt. She cannot trust anyone but herself.

And now the problem starts. I become typical guy in love! I want to be with her, talk to her, write to her all the time. It gets worse! I am nervous when I am with her! me ffs! I just cant believe it! I want to please her so bad I dont recognize myself. and the worst, I am so deeply afraid of loosing her...

She likes being cared for, she tells me to stop freaking out, to stop with the nerves and all, to just let it happen, but....yeah...its me who invites over, its me who says what and when we do, I carry most of the relationship.

There are many moments when she looks at me with exact those eyes, smiling, saying she likes me so much. But then, there is something so strong inside her, some wall she is just not ready to overcome.

Also, she is changing job after 8 years in the same place. Her whole world is upside down in a way.

Yet, we have met. I might regret it one day. But we have.

What can happen:
- I am typical rebound guy, time will pass and I will hear: sorry bro, its not you its me,
- I stop seeing her, as I see shes not so into me - thats stupid idea, but its possible,
- I risk it all and try to make it work

Ok, im on the last one. There are other options then:
1. I am good guy everyday, and animal in bed. Yeah, thats easy for me. I like caring for her. I like bringing her flowers. I like giving her massage. And we literally fuck our brains out:)
2. I start playing typical dating games, not being present all the time, not being so available. Doing the whole PUA stuff

Normally number 2 would work, but:
a- it would be terrible for me as I do want to be with her!
b- her ex was taken back, never told her he loved her etc - if I am the same, she might pull back, and I am trying her to open up, to show her she can count on me,

Summing up,
I think the way to do is to be myself, to be there for her, no games. At the same time, I will concentrate on my own stuff and not make her my own priority. I will try to take it easy as much as it is when being in love.
All in all, it is a huge risk, I might loose big time.

Any tips? I feel like the ball is completely on her side, and Id love to get it back somewhat.

Calm the fuck down.

1st this is a forum dedicated to fucking multiple women.

But anyway

You say you're fucking her, and the fucking is all good, right?

Why try to ruin it? She even clued you in Bro.

The only thing wrong is YOUR strong urge to lock that shit DOWN.

You've got all the candy, and you don't plan on sharing anytime soon.

I've said this many times before....

Here are the three biggest signs you are about to FUCK UP.

1. You start thinking “I don’t want to play games with this chick. I like her. Why can’t I just let her know?”

2. You think “This girl is different, I don’t have to play games with her.”

3. You think “She definitely likes me. We’re past the point I need to play games.”

The minute any of those thoughts creep into your mind, smack yourself in the balls. And DO NOT convince yourself that she is different.

SHE IS NOT DIFFERENT.

She wants to chase you. She wants a challenge. She wants a guy she cannot completely figure out.
A lot guys think that when I say you can’t express interest this means you can’t let a girl know you are attracted to her.
WRONG.
You HAVE to let her know you are attracted to her. To do this you need to know how to talk to women.
Express your sexual intent and attraction all you want.
That is perfectly fine.
But, don’t let her know you want more than that.
You have to be stone cold impossible to read.
Every time she leaves you she should be wondering if she will ever see you again. She should be wondering how much you like her. She should be wondering if you’re seeing other girls.
Let her wonder.
That is the art of the chase. The more time she sits around wondering what you’re doing… the more she begins to convince herself she is in love with you.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Don't give no piece the gift she told you she don't want. Don't be happy with a five note when you know you deserve a 100. This girl don't want all you have to offer and she not going to give you what you worth.

Read what I highlighted. You're acting like you want to marry her. That's crazy.

Then the sex isn't as good as you think. She'd be hitting you everyday to see you if it was.

So many guys post here and say the same thing. "Best sex ever, but she's starting to pull away or doesn't love me".




The sex isn't good for her, so she wants to find a man who is more dominant and better in bed. She likely has several other orbiters, perhaps one or two she is fucking.
Sounds like you forced a "what are we" talk, and then talked her into exclusivity. This is the woman's job, and has to be organic. You acted emotionally-uncentered. Perhaps this also contributes to why she doesn't love you.

That's fucking pathetic. Change your ways, or you will get dumped.
You need to learn to control your emotions.
Yes, the "wall" is your neediness.

1. Texting and calling is for setting up meets or light, sexual banter only.
2. Live in the moment. Be fun, teasing, flirty. No Debbie Downer relationship talk.
3. Improve bedroom skills, be more dominant in bed (don't ask when you switch positions, etc).
4. Learn to remain emotionally-centered and slightly indifferent. Watch for neediness, clinginess, neurotic behavior which drives women away.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Hey man, I just dealt with the same type of girl..she told me upfront from the start that she was still hurt from her past relationship, and wanted to take things slow. I was head over heals for this girl, and within a month she went from being extremely excited to breaking up with me. If I could do it over, I wouldn't have been so available, wouldn't have kissed her *ss as much, and wouldn't have pressured her (even indirectly) into something serious as quick. Basically the pressure scared her away, and I think she realized once things started getting more serious she wasn't even over her ex. Her still hurting needs to be treated as a warning call to you.

1. Slow down with her. Less calling/texting. Be chill
2. If she tells you you're doing too much-take it as a hint
3. Let her come to you, not the other way around
4. Date others at the same time. She will see you as a catch
5. When she tells you she's still hurting-realize she still has feelings for the other guy most likely. You will need to do all the right things, say the right things, and project yourself in a way that shows her you're willing to take things slow and that you are a genuine guy (you sound like you are).

Trust your gut with these types...you should be fine with this girl as long as you keep it slow and let her dictate the pace. Good luck.

One last piece of advice that's helped me a lot, watch Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube. His videos are gold.

All of this is true. Be a fun. Be dominant in the bedroom. Be emotionally-centered. Do all of these things and she will come to you with the "what are we talk". Great advice here.

You're not seeing the forest for the trees. You're still trying to fix things, fix her WHICH YOU CANNOT. You can only FIX yourself. You're not allowing things to flow, you're resisting, and for those reasons alone (which you're so blind to) prove that this relationship will not work. The reality is this is an extremely one-sided relationship, not destined to last.

The heart of the problem is not her being a priority...rather YOU not being a priority to yourself. Youve lost yourself somewhere along the way and exhibit some VERY strong symptoms of being a codependent. You lack a sense of self and are trying to derive that/fill that void through other people. My guess also is that you're extremely uncomfortable being alone, not in a relationship.

@n2thevoid I really do see your point. Actually I think your damn right! That is my plan for this weekend - to figure out what I want to do/achieve in the months to come and pursue it. Make a list actually, and then go for it. She cannot be on that list. Shes not a goal to achieve.
By concentrating way more on me, being busy with my stuff (I want to train for Armagedon race) I will give her way more place to breathe, and that by itself will work really well.

cheers guys, that was surprisingly helpful, I saved it to read next time I freak out over stupid stuff:)

Do what you want but don't rush things. Give her a little more time.

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Sounds like a really good place to start.