My girlfriend and I of 2 months are on a short "break". We’re both in our early/mid 20’s.

Backstory: About 2 weeks ago I started feeling some tension in the relationship, like something was wrong. One day she raised it saying she wasn't sure about being in a relationship and being monogamous. I too felt the same and had some of my own doubts having been single for a few years trying to avoid relationships.

We ended up discussing the possibility of an open relationship which she seemed very interested in, but I quickly shut that down saying it would be better if we just became friends instead. She didn't like that idea so she let the open relationship idea go. We talked, she was happy and we somewhat went back to normal.

A week later, again the tension was back and again we talked about it more. I said if this isn't working there aren't many options here as I do not want an open relationship. She wants to be with me long term but an open relationship would not lead to that. She suggested a break but I said that it likely wouldn't help either. I said it seems the only thing we can do is break up and go our separate ways and that I would never be with her again. As I was saying this she was starting to tear up. She didn't agree with me on breaking up being the solution. She also mentioned she doesn’t think about me much anymore when she’s alone. We agreed to think about what we wanted and discuss it later.

Two days later we went for a drink to talk. I said is breaking up an option for you. She said no. I then suggested maybe we should take some time away from each other. Not a break and not time to see other people, just some time for ourselves. She agreed and so we set a date when our time off would end which was for 3 weeks.

Important Information:

· She recently has been saying things like "you're too good for me, you don't deserve me". This is a classic towards the end of relationships. I feel she's mentioned this earlier in the relationship as well.

· At the beginning of the relationship she was mesmerized by the fact that she was with me. She would say things like she wanted to be with me forever and all the good I’ve brought to her life. She pushed for us to be exclusive. We never have said we love each other. This has all faded recently, quickly. I did start to become a little comfortable in the relationship but not too much. Did I become too predictable? Less attractive?

· When she is drunk, she is still very obsessive over me and shows strong attraction. She almost completely the opposite when sober. This has confused me a lot!

· Around the same time as our tension, she's started being weird with other people as well. Her close friends say she's been acting weird (due to money issues – we’ve talked about this). I took her with me to a party where she knew most and people said she wasn't herself and something was wrong. She had a negative vibe to everyone. I raised this with her but she'd became closed off and didn’t want to talk.

· I'm likely the most successful person in her life (career/financially). I'm very fit psychically, tall and have all the value traits for attracting girls. I don't have any issues with girls and she knows this. She knows many of the girls I've been with and many who want to hook up with me.

· Likewise, she is also attractive and very sociable. I've never complimented her on her body or looks.

· I feel I am a very different looking person to her previous boyfriends and some of the friends she has / people she gets along with.

· Sexual aspect of the relationship has been bad from the very start. We'd have sex once a week at most, if not less - and it wasn't good sex. I know I’m good from experience but the opportunity to demonstrate this hasn’t been there. She says she isn't into it as much as I am and knows it annoys me. She also says I’m too rough at times (something she seemed to like a few weeks ago).

Usually taking a break and some of the signs in this story would indicate it's over. However why is she not wanting to end it when I've said it multiple times? Girls suggest breaks to soften the blow but there isn't need for this here as I initiated potential break up.

I've gone no contact since agreeing to time away. It's been a few days now. We used to see each other about 2-3 times a week and text every day or two. I want to make this relationship work as we both haven’t met anyone like each other before.

Valentine's Day is coming up as well but we'll still be ‘away’.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

Anyone experienced anything similar?

Apart from no contact, what should I do over these next few weeks? Should I come back a changed?

Thanks!

Translation:

"I'm banging other guys and I feel so guilty".



You never said you love each other? Hmm....


You have played the game well, but too well. I have been here. My advice is to open up emotionally. I tend to play the game too long into a relationship, and it comes off as cold.


This is bad. If you're not making her orgasm, there's really no point.

If you want this girl, do a couple things:

1. Make her orgasm. There's no point in sex where both people don't orgasm, lol...at least early on. This is boring.

2. Tell her how you feel. Throw her a compliment, and be more fun.

I've been here. you have to lighten up a bit, and open up occasionally.

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Thanks

I don't think she's banged someone else. I feel like this whole situation is her still having those thoughts and not being able to act on it. She mentioned she felt 'restricted' in relationships. Early on, we weren't sure if it was exclusive or not and she slept with someone after a drunken night. She quickly admitted to it and was a mess crying. I however had done the same thing thinking we weren't yet exlcusive.

She has talked love to other people but no me directly. I'm reluctant to say it first but know she felt it.

She said even before we became official that she'd only orgasmed a couple of times her entire life. I didn't believe her but now I'm starting to.. I've been with many girls but she definely is different in this area.

Not sure if I should let this go the full break time or end it now. I still care about her a lot and she still wants to be with me. I want to make it work. I feel she may have lost attraction somehow or become too confortable with me.

Yeah, probably by needy, clingy guys. They all act this way.

It happens.



Just needs the right technique.


It sounds like you guys are having way, way too many Debbie Downer conversations. Relationships are supposed to be fun, not serious. Cut with all the negative chit chat, and just have fun.

Do you really need to keep having a "talk"? Why? What has it accomplished other than a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If you like her, live in the moment. No more serious talks. Just party and have great sex. Open up the communication in the bedroom, etc.

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Can't say that I'm too positive about the. Two months into a relationship is the honeymoon phase and you guys aren't on the same page of what each other wants in the relationship. She's talking open relationship and you're saying absolutely not. She's in a situation that she doesn't like but only because she doesn't want to lose you. At some point the honeymoon will be over and she will realize that she's not in the type of relationship she wants and she will either leave or cheat.

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She's banging other guys.

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I'd agree. Seems like she has an emotional attachment to the OP, but not a physical one. So she's got her toes in the water.

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Appreciate the feedback so far!

I wish it was as easy as she'd banged someone and felt guilty (easy conclusion) but I strongly feel there is more to this. She gets guilty quickly and it eats her up - id know by now.

I agree that it is concerning that this is happening during the "honeymoon" phase and it's not looking good long term!

Arch, that makes sense. But why wouldn't she just want to be friends? Wouldn't that be enough to satisfy that emotional connection?

Only a few weeks ago she was obsessed with me physically (this is what attracts most girls to me). Something must have changed with her attraction to me. Apart from the physical aspect, I'm trying to figure out what it could be! She knows other girls want me, knows that I'm high value compared to others in her life and maintain a strong frame always. Maybe im not the type of person she finds attractive and now she's realising that - feel like I'm the opposite of her last boyfriend looked and dressed! Could it be that I'd become too predictable!

I should mention we've known each other for a few years as good colleagues but she recently moved elsewhere. We never hooked up or really thought much of each other until recently. We pretty much became a couple after serious pushing from her side!

How old are you two?

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I'm 25 and she's 24.

The end. She wants other dicks. SOME PEOPLE DONT WANT MONOGAMY. Obviously this chick is one of them. All of this overcomplication. She probably likes you as a bf, but wants to be free and fuck. Simple as that. Its one thing for a chick to lose attraction for you. Its another thing for her to be telling you "I want other dicks." Only solution for that is other dicks. Why does she not want to break up completely? Because then she'll be ALONE. When a chick is telling you she doesnt deserve you, and she feels restricted...Come on...

I would completely understand this, but what I'm curious about is why she was the one to chase so much (this was months in the making) and she was the one to bring up wanting to be "exclusive" and just "us". She was even drunk one night and said she wanted to be my wife. Why did she say these things (which indicate wanting monogamy)? Was my value so high at one point that she would change to be with me?

I feel as though my value to her has dropped somehow and it may be in the attraction area. As much as I want to be with her and make it work, I'm sure this will be ending after this "break". I've got strong self control and will easily walk away. I'm just very curious why it ended up like this so quickly and why it's (if it is this) affecting everything else in her life it seems.

Women chase men all of the time. It doesn't mean that they want you forever. The fact is that she probably enjoys the chase more than being with you. If you agreed to the open relationship, you probably would be seeing her possessive side appear.

Don't get caught up with what she says....it a what she does that matters.

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If some chick would tell me anywhere within the two month area that she wants to be my wife, I'd would never consider her for anything more than a fuck buddy. I don't care if alcohol were involved, this is not the kind of shit an emotionally stable person says or does so damn soon. I'm one smooth motherfucker but I would never attribute that to my value being to high, because that's simply not the case.
It's a red flag. Plain and simple.
I'm glad you are aware of what a 'break' means.

2 months in is supposed to be prime time honeymoon period. Fuck me, 2 years in should be prime time honeymoon period. This girl wants an open relationship because she wants to (and probably is already) fucking around. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you can't handle a fuck buddy (which you seemingly can't) then stop altogether.

She's not the type that's emotionally mature enough to date exclusively OP. The signs were there, you just misinterpreted them for something positive. They were not.

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Good points you guys make. I do agree she's not emotionally mature for this the more I think about it. When she raised an open relationship last week I said that it means you won't be my priority and that I'd be dating other girls. She quickly back-peddled and dropped the topic.

I would be happy to have gone down the friend with benefits route from the start as I've been doing that with several girls over the past couple of years. Too late now that strong emotion is involved from both sides.

I guess I'll just let this run till the date we meet again. It's almost certainly now a break up unless she completely changed her views and comes to her senses - even then it would take a long time for me to view her the same way I used to. It feels like wasted opportunity given how much we both want to be together and how little it lasted!

We have a party the day after the day we meet again that we'll both be at. Tempted to push it an extra day and fuck her like never before!