I was on a business trip last week and left my car with my gf, we live together. When I got back I found some cigarettes in there and threw them away as I knew she had gone out to the bachelorette party of her best friend and thought it was probably one of them. Yesteday she raising her voice why did I throw them away very upset. I was really perpelexed. Then she said that we are fine and I always do things like this and mess things up. I got pissed was driving to her job and got to it and told her to get out. She said oh your kicking me out? I said you work here dont you.

We hadnt talked all day and that night she send me a text at 8 saying her car broke down. I was passed out and didnt read it to later. She got home at 10 said that she didnt call me because she ran out of battery. That she was close the house of co worker that dropped her off. She says she went by and that he went to go get her gas while she waited in her car and brought gas back in a can. Then while she was talking to me she gets a text by him saying did you get home ok. This was weird but I thought it could be my insecurity.

Then in the morning we talk and are find. We have sex, she came (if heywood is reading). Then this night I was going to spend time with her in the office because she had to stay till late. I wrote her when I was done training. She wrote back 20 minutes later. Hey I left. I didnt see the message because I was going up and I read it 10 minutes later and called her to see where she is at. Then she told me she is leaving the office now and that lets meet at my dad. ( I thought why did she tell me she had left before? does she not want me to go) I called her 10 minutes later getting closer and she didnt pick up. Sent her a message that lets meet at home, she read it and wrote 20 minutes later. Told me that her boss wanted to talk to her (she works in the government so it might be true). Now I think this is weird why would she not pick up. Then she gets home 20 minutes later. Im weirded out. She says baby I´m home. I say hey. Comes in the room and says why do you only say hey. Kisses me and then ask what I was doing that I smell like sex. Like I smell when I was giving her oral. (I was in Jiu jitsu rolling so thats maybe the change of smell but then I ask why is that her first asumption.) Asks seriously what is going on and I tell her I was at Jiu Jitsu.

I then go and ask her if for some reason she doesnt want me to go to her work ( i still dont understand why she said she left, when 15 minutes later she was there.) She started giving the explanation of everything she did at night when that wasnt my question. I ask her why are you giving me an explanation when I didnt ask you that. She said then started raising her voice and saying its her fault for letting for her letting me be so controlling. That its her life and she can do what she wants. I tell her that its enough that I dont want a relationship with drama or aggresiveness. She then said well make a choice ( in a taunting tone) I told her im telling what I will tolerate see if you go through or not. Then I left. I told my bro about it and he is like WTF. Break up I am sure she is lying to you are you blind. Stop making excuses. She is manipulating you. I dont know what to do.

Sorry for the long post guys and thanks for reading again. Would appreciate your thoughts. Is this something Im creating in my head or am I making excuses and she is lying to me?

one more thing. This weekend she went to the office because she had to work on Saturday and was taking the same guy home. She answered natural like Hi love and really loving and said shed be home in a bit. So thats what makes me think that its in my head.

Cheating

This doesn't make any sense to me...maybe you can explain it better.

Her text says her car broke down but it really only ran out of gas? She went to this guys house and instead of going to the gas station with him, she went back to the car? It took two hours to get gas?

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This relationship sounds tiring as fuck. I'm not even considering whether or not she's cheating on you, but the sheer stress I got just from reading your post would be enough for me to end it.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Ask her,
"Love, are you cheating on me?"

You've know eachother for a while so you should be able to tell if she's hiding something based on her answer.

Worst case: cheating.
Best case: emotional manipulation.

Probably best to leave if you can

You should really consider banging other women as soon as possible because this one is definitely cheating on you.

The longer the explanation, the more likely it is that she is cheating.

Nothing sexual really happens in this story but it is very relevant:
So there I was. I was on a surprise date, it was not unlike I imagined surprise sex to be, flattering but overshadowed by the really unpleasant feeling that I was being used. We had just gone on our date which I did not know was a date. Even my quick mind, honed in the field of Mathematics, with a modest IQ of 130 had only just figured it out by now, as I sat in this woman's car at the gas station. However she was so nice to me that I still gave her the benefit of the doubt. She didn't seem to be trying to seduce me. Then she started to cry. It wasn't balling or gushing. She could still talk and she explained how her boyfriend had become boring. "All he does is drink beer and sit around the house." she said. You see in her mind, as she would later explain to me, we would have been sucking each others faces at that point. However, I knew she had a boyfriend... and she wasn't that hot for me to even think about game. It was at that point that I realized my game had become natural. She chose me because she thought I would take control and satisfy her. Okay maybe she was desperate, that's beside the point. The point is women get desperate and then they look for charming handsome men to play with. She had a crush on me, she asked me out, telling me that other people, especially girls were going to be there. All of it was very premeditated and opportunistic. However I am a Gentleman, given the opportunity to help a woman cheat on her boyfriend I try to avoid it. I asked her to drive me back to my car and that's when she really started to cry.


As I understand it this is a long term relationship. So you've built up a lot of hooks that she can use to manipulate you. Women are master manipulators, it's how they fight and survive and they often do it with children attached. It's not evil it's just the strategy the were taught. So I would immediately take a step back and evaluate what your feeling emotionally and discard anything that isn't rooted in cold hard fact.

I believe at one point you said she was saying it's your fault? What is your fault? If it's fighting that is your fault what are you really fighting about? The cheating she is doing? Also she is sending accusations your way, this not only justifies her behavior in her eyes but keeps you guessing. It's possible that she has at least cheated emotionally, maybe some heavy petting (Sorry man) and she feels guilty.

Laying down the line like that wasn't a strong hand. She's already called your bluff. Your pretty much going to have to come up with some other tactic to push your issues. Catching her cheating isn't going to suddenly make things better either. So you have a few choices.

1. Do nothing. Let her take control and do what she wants. This could be painful and unwise, but I mention it as an option because it's often the default. It sounds like your going to do something. Perhaps this is just some temporary stress that she is under. That stress could drive her to cheat though.
2. Become a lie detector all the time. Be that annoying guy that constantly asks if she's cheating.
3. Work on yourself, demonstrate your value in front of her. Start competing with the whoever this is. Ask her to bring her friends around in a polite way. Chances are though she'll never let you near the new guy. So don't go fighting every guy she brings over.
4. Walk away. Let her go. Because there are plenty of other women out there that are in a proper mental state.

Go with your gut man.

I'd listen to your brother.. Sounds like you didn't come here to get the truth, you only came here to find someone that would tell you to stay.

The fact that she threatened you to "leave her" and you responded by explaining what she already understood, which is why she threatened you in the first place says enough. She knows that you don't want to go anywhere, she knows you're not willing to just walk away unless your forced, and thats an issue.

You don't need closure and you don't need to do any further investigating. Cut your losses now and you'll save your ego and a lot of unnecessary healing time.

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