Hey guys, I always come to you when in need of advice. Its a bit lengthy.

Background:
We've been together for about 1.5 years. We love each other very much. We even moved-in together to a new city after I got my Masters. I started a new job and she did as well. Things were going great, even talked about getting married one day and having kids.. Then, of course when you move-in together you start bickering over little things and habits. I'm very hard headed and I'll admit that I would tell her what she was doing wrong a lot (but after many fights, I became better at not doing that). It got to the point where we were constantly fighting. I have always been willing to work on our issues and so was she, until she finally threw in the towel. She moved-out about 2 weeks ago, but we still stated that we will try the living apart again and see where things go. Also, the area we live in is not cheap (another good reason why living together was a good idea), but once we decided to try the whole living apart thing, the only place we could afford was up the road. Yes, I got an apartment there too (where she just moved-in), but don't move in for another 4 weeks and in a different building.

Issue:
Right after she moved into her new apartment (which was on a Friday about 2 weeks ago), we had sex on Saturday like normal. We felt like this will work out and we kept telling each other that we love each other. Unfortunately, that Sunday, she had to fly out for 2 weeks for work training. At the beginning we would text like normal and everything seemed great. Until about the end of the first week, I could tell she started become very short in her texts and not making the time for me. I let it not bother me thinking it was just because of work. It did bother me that she went out every night during her time away with her work friends, to the point where she couldn't even call me or would take a while texting back. As a mistake, I finally brought it up and told her that I could tell she was not acting normal (obviously she denied it and kept saying that its because she didn't want to miss out on anything with her work friends). She started to text me a little more, but still short, and she would reassure me that she loved me. Though it still bothered me, I tried not to show it (which I know I did a little).

She got back 2 days ago (Friday) and right off the back I could tell things were different. I felt like she was just talking to me more like as friends and not her..whatever we were (which in fact I asked her what she had me labeled to her coworkers and she said that I was her "bf").

She stated to me that after being around so many people for 2 weeks she want some space. She first said the day. Which I did give her and then we ended up grabbing dinner that night. Even at dinner, it was just very different. It almost felt as if we were on a first date. We went on a walk and we even held hands a bit and even kissed. When I was dropping her off, I asked her if she wanted me to come in...She said no.. which threw me off as she said she just wanted the day to herself. Then proceeded to saying that she wants 3-4 days of the week to be alone. Again she reassured me that its because she wanted some time alone in her new apartment and wanted to relax after her trip...I made the other mistake of asking her if something happened during the trip, if she had met someone or fooled around, etc.. I asked her if she even wanted this and she said "IDK".. and then proceeded again to reassure me she didn't cheat on me (I even asked my really good buddy who was at the trip with her also if he had seen her with anyone or fool around, and reassured me that she didn't)...Yes, I know, i'm making myself look like a pussy to her and insecure....Not good. I know i shouldn't have asked her anything.

I walked her to the gate, and we actually made out and everything, I know she wanted me, but kept telling me she didn't want me to come in. So, I grabbed her by the neck and made out with her again and bit her bottom lip (cause I know thats what really gets her turned on and all) and then I walked away, as in punishing her for not letting me go inside.

She again text me that same night a little, but again short. I didn't really reply much. Then I asked her when she would be able to transfer money over for the last month's electricity/water/lease cancellation fee, and she was bitter about it and told me the day (which is stupid she got bitter about it when she was supposed to transfer it over a week ago.) She text me last and I didn't reply and went to bed.

Now, all day today, I went about my own business, having that feeling that this was over for good. She hasn't text me all day. I am doing the NC rule. I haven't text/call her all day either. Giving her the space. I need to make myself scarce again. I event started doing my meal prep again, went to church, and worked out, and got studying done for my CPA. It really did help me in not thinking too much about her not getting in touch with me.

What are your thoughts? So I know she didn't get with anyone while on the trip, but its just so weird how all the sudden it feels like she is treating me like a friend, yet telling me that she loves me so much. How can you go on a 2 week trip and then when you come back all the sudden you want your space and not even really have contact with me. Its all just fishy to me and confused about her feelings. This is the longest we haven't talked to each other (a full day and of course it bothers me some).

Don't give her space. Start doing your own thing and try to make your life better without her. She will take notice. Don't let her back in unless your life is better without her and she can prove that she can add value to your new life.

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OP.. living together didn't work and that's the moment you should've started considering your options. I know it sucks to hear, but realistically speaking you know that's true.

Jack is right about you improving the quality of your life, but if it were me, I would not let her in it anymore. Your relationship is tried and tested and it didn't hold up. You're on a sinking ship. The more you wait, the worse it'll get.

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I agree with you guys. I'll be working on myself and try to make my life better without her in it and see where things go.

If she makes contact (or when she makes contact), whats the best way of answering back? If she ends up saying that she misses me or that she loves me or even if she says that we should move on or something like that?

Should tell her I miss her too or that I love her too? Should I say that I have already moved on? I know I need to show her that my life without her can be great and that I don't need her to be happy.

You missed the point lol

So she text me today after no contact for 3 days. She said "I hope you're having a great day." I know I shouldn't reply, but she still has one of luggage bags...

How should I go about this.

Whats the best approach to take when she texts you after she says she wants space?


Thanks guys.

Your response: Thanks. You too.

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So I did just sent that and she responded... "I sent that like 6 hours ago"

I did see it about 30 min after she sent it to me but didn't reply.

I just sent her, "I was busy at work"


Geez. How do I take charge of this situation? I still want to give this a try, but I do think the space is healthy. I've been on my workout and meal-prepping game and have started focusing more on my work.

You are a man. You do not need to explain your actions unless they are pertinent to the relationship:

You: Things have been crazy today, but good. Talk to you later.


Be a positive guy, and leave her wanting more.


By doing nothing.

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After I said I was busy at work she said, "Thats good."

I replied: "Yeah! Things have been crazy today. Talk to you later."
and she goes, "Hmm okay? Bye"


Was that too much hard of push? Didn't really seem like she was wanting more.

(I know I keep asking for advice, but this is a new situation for me.. the whole I want a break thing... again we had decided to take a step back. Kind of as if we were in the "dating" phase again, so not like bf-gf.

You do realize that her original message was to test the water? My advice for a response was to allow you to remain neutral and forcing her to be the one to make the investment. Like Arch said...don't defend yourself. If you remain neutral and polite, it's going to cause her to be the one that's off balance because she's not certain where she stands with you.

However, I stick to my main piece of advice. Better yourself and make your life a happy one before you even consider taking her back.

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I did realize that, but I wasn't sure how to respond. I know she wanted space but didn't thinks she'd get in touch with me after 3 days. I didn't want to say anything that would make me feel needy or whatever.

I have started to work a lot on myself, like I said. I can already tell that I have more energy after not being able to sleep much this past weekend and I've begun to feel more confident and good about myself.

I will proceed with your advice. Stay neutral and polite. Don't come off as a dick or be too harsh. Let her make the moves. Let her reinvest in us and better myself and make myself happy before letting her back in.

Thanks, man.

I ended up telling her that I was studying with friends and that I would text her when I got back to my place in a bit. She replied, "oh okay, sounds good."

So about an hour later (10 PM), I texted her, "Hey, so how was your day?" and got no reply. I know she doesn't go to bed until later.

How bad is this? I know she initiated contact and I didn't respond well to it. I don't want to double text her. Do I need to give her space again and wait for her to reinitiate contact?

You're not getting it.
Jack told you to be neutral and force her to make the investment.
Then you did this. This is not being neutral and forcing her to make the investment. This is you making the investment.

Look man, this isn't rocket science.

1) Stop contacting her.
2) Let her contact you.
3) When she does, reply shortly, neutral and politely. Do not make any effort in starting or sustaining the conversation and mind your own damn life.

That's it. You've been told she was testing the waters and you played right into that. Now you've basically told her "don't worry I'm still wrapped around your finger". Is that what you want?

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

What a boring conversation. Why even bother texting?

Why? We just gave you solid advice and you completely ignored it. This is the worst kind of boring friend zone shit. You don't care about her day right now, you just want to cum on her face.

Come on man, get real.

I've had hot 20-somethings tell me they're okay with the nice guys who text them how their days are, but they completely see it as friend-only type banter. I don't even send that kind of text when I'm in a relationship. Here's the text I send to my gf in the afternoon:

Me: I can't wait to pin you against the wall and rip your pants off. You deserve what you're going to get.

Most guys: Well golly gee wilkers, how was your day, Amber? You are such a princess!

Women are wild animals who just want to catch a buzz, cum a lot, snuggle, and then talk about their secrets in bed.

Texts are for ENTERTAINMENT (lighting up a girl's face in the middle of a ho-hum workday) and meeting up.
Don't do anything. You're coming off as a stage five clinger right now.

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