Hello long post warning:

I've been dating a girl for around the 9 month mark. It's been pretty good for the most part (as far as I can tell) I'm happy, she seemed to be happy etc. We both work a lot, I'm a firefighter, she's a bartender so our schedules are pretty messed up so most of the time when we hang out its in the late evening after her shifts and then I'll have to get up early for work. Although we have done date nights and a few fun things when we both have days off.

Anyway last Tuesday (a week ago) a scheduling conflict came up with me and I had to cancel plans that we were making together. She was super pissed off and but eventually it seemed okay.

Would be helpful to have more detail on the fight. What was she upset about specifically?

However the entire night she was being difficult, being quiet, not making conversation, or being polite, and at the end if the night she picked a huge fight with me (hard to explain but basically got pissed off cause I turned a light off outside in the pool) I fought back with her and then ignored her and she ended up leaving which surprised me.

Obviously the fight left a residual for her, and the light was simply the straw that broke the camels back for her.

After that we began to fight via text, and she told me to bring her stuff over (I'm assuming that means break up) when the dust settled we were able to talk a little more like adults... I said "I'm sorry, you were a good girlfriend and I'd like to at least end on good terms, thanks for all the good times etc"

Why go there in suggesting things are over? Seems a bit premature, or knee-jerk given what you've shared.

She said that she already thinks she made a mistake and that maybe she just needs some space to,figure things out.. I said take all the time you need we can talk when you're ready.

There's no resolution to the fight, she's not sure how to deal with it and feeling overwhelmed as her feelings aren't being validated. "Sorry" is a sorry word it does nothing to resolve situations other than sweeping unmet needs back under the rug. It sounds as though she'd wanted some empathy, but did not receive it. Typically when a woman wants space she's not feeling heard in spite of repeated attempts.

Friday we talked a bit, I said I miss her and if she still wants to talk.. She said that we have a lot to discuss and that she hopes we can work it out.

Sunday we talked a little more (this is still all by text) she said she hasn't had time to think that much about it cause she's busy w work. I said that she's important to me and I wanna make more time, she said that 'something changed in our relationship and she wants to figure out what it is and if it can be fixed. I said maybe I feel it too, and that we wouldn't be broken up over that fight if we loved eachother. She said that hurting me is really hurting her and I said it's okay I'm an adult I'll get over it and that I understand that people and feelings can change. Then she said she would like to talk and see if we can figure this all out, and that we need to be honest and open with each other.

She's indicating she's not throwing the towel in yet, I wouldn't be so hasty in doing that yourself - stop with the talk that you two are done, its a bit drama and not a good look for a guy who should be leading.

Today's Monday/Tuesday and we haven't talked since

Anyway if you're still reading this, thank you, lol I know it was long winded and unorganized, but it's a way for me to get it off my chest. I'm basically wondering what I should do when we talk, or, if anyone else has experienced something like this. Like I'm not even sure if I'm being dumped or what's going on or how to act when I see her. I like this girl and I'd like to work on things with her, but I don't really see what the issue is, whether if it's just that she lost interest in me or what.

Stop contacting her and let her come to you.

She's met someone else man. Not saying she's banging another dude, but she's entertaining the idea.

This behavior may be surprising to you, but its not at all surprising to anyone thats been lurking around these forums long enough. Its one of many of the exact same stories over and over again. It ain't always easy dating a bartender who's subjected to being hit on by men every single night for a living. Theres an old expression that goes.. "If water hits the ground long enough, its going to break". How many times can one say no?

I'm sure you'll be straight though man. But in the small event that I'm wrong about this you're going to have to give her space and let her come to you. You've made your case already. She knows how you feel, and she clearly knows that she can get back with you if she feels like it( not a good space to be in btw). So theres no real challenge for her here. Perhaps the thought that you're moving on can inspire passion in her again, but you'll have to leave that up to time.

Then she asked me if I think we'll be okay and I said that I hope so but I'm okay if they don't. Then she said that doesn't sound very convincing

Still don't know what would make someone just change overnight like that

went on two dates this week to get my mind off and not be so obsessed with her. I would just like to see what I did wrong in the relationship so I can correct for the future. I thought maybe it was not doing enough fun things together or whatever.

When I meet with her how should I act?

I've been dating a girl for about 8 months, it's been pretty good she has some jealousy issues but for the most part I've enjoyed it.
Recently she's been getting on my case about not putting pictures of us on social media and stuff and the other day she blew up about it. I suspected something and she left her phone open when she went into the shower, I know I shouldn't have checked it but I did and I read some texts from an ex-FWB from some time ago.
He basically said she should be single for the summer and if she ever wants to party message him or whatever. She said no at first and then about two weeks ago sent a message asking him for the after party. From what I gathered they didn't meet up although there was some flirting in the messages. Nothing since then.
I'm not sure what to do right now, I almost broke up with her but I also realized nothing actually happened and it was shitty of me to go through her phone. She could tell something was pissing me off but I never brought it up. Obviously if she met up with him I'd break up but right now I dunno what the proper thing to do is.

Thanks for the replies. Still a little confused..

She contacted me two nights ago saying that she doesn't know what's wrong with her, why she's walking out on the best relationship she's ever been in. I said 'I don't know, don't blame yourself' she asked why I said 'because it's not your fault or mine, things happen for a reason.' Then she asked me if I think we'll be okay and I said that I hope so but I'm okay if they don't. Then she said that doesn't sound very convincing and that she loves me and doesn't know what's going on, and I said that she could always talk to me and that I won't try to fix anything, I'll just listen... She said that means a lot and then I said goodnight.

That's pretty much it, the plan is to still meet up and talk and try to work things out, whatever that means. Still don't know what would make someone just change overnight like that and if she was seeing someone else why she would still say she loves me and wants to work things out. I've started to move on though, I was sad at first but now I think I'm fine, went on two dates this week to get my mind off and not be so obsessed with her. I would just like to see what I did wrong in the relationship so I can correct for the future. I thought maybe it was not doing enough fun things together or whatever.

When I meet with her how should I act?

Again thanks for the replies especially the first guy, I found your advice useful, n2thevoid.

Hello long post warning:

I've been dating a girl for around the 9 month mark. It's been pretty good for the most part (as far as I can tell) I'm happy, she seemed to be happy etc. We both work a lot, I'm a firefighter, she's a bartender so our schedules are pretty messed up so most of the time when we hang out its in the late evening after her shifts and then I'll have to get up early for work. Although we have done date nights and a few fun things when we both have days off.

Anyway last Tuesday (a week ago) a scheduling conflict came up with me and I had to cancel plans that we were making together. She was super pissed off and but eventually it seemed okay. However the entire night she was being difficult, being quiet, not making conversation, or being polite, and at the end if the night she picked a huge fight with me (hard to explain but basically got pissed off cause I turned a light off outside in the pool) I fought back with her and then ignored her and she ended up leaving which surprised me.

After that we began to fight via text, and she told me to bring her stuff over (I'm assuming that means break up) when the dust settled we were able to talk a little more like adults... I said "I'm sorry, you were a good girlfriend and I'd like to at least end on good terms, thanks for all the good times etc"
She said that she already thinks she made a mistake and that maybe she just needs some space to,figure things out.. I said take all the time you need we can talk when you're ready.

Friday we talked a bit, I said I miss her and if she still wants to talk.. She said that we have a lot to discuss and that she hopes we can work it out.

Sunday we talked a little more (this is still all by text) she said she hasn't had time to think that much about it cause she's busy w work. I said that she's important to me and I wanna make more time, she said that 'something changed in our relationship and she wants to figure out what it is and if it can be fixed. I said maybe I feel it too, and that we wouldn't be broken up over that fight if we loved eachother. She said that hurting me is really hurting her and I said it's okay I'm an adult I'll get over it and that I understand that people and feelings can change. Then she said she would like to talk and see if we can figure this all out, and that we need to be honest and open with each other.

Today's Monday/Tuesday and we haven't talked since

Anyway if you're still reading this, thank you, lol I know it was long winded and unorganized, but it's a way for me to get it off my chest. I'm basically wondering what I should do when we talk, or, if anyone else has experienced something like this. Like I'm not even sure if I'm being dumped or what's going on or how to act when I see her. I like this girl and I'd like to work on things with her, but I don't really see what the issue is, whether if it's just that she lost interest in me or what.

I fought back with her and then ignored her and she ended up leaving which surprised me.

I said "I'm sorry, you were a good girlfriend and I'd like to at least end on good terms, thanks for all the good times etc"

she said that she already thinks she made a mistake.... [she needs to] figure things out

she said that we have a lot to discuss and that she hopes we can work it out.

I said I miss her and if she still wants to talk

I said that she's important to me and I wanna make more time