Okay so this is my first post in the forums, I've been lurking and experimenting with pua for about a year now but I've never posted and I found myself in a situation in which I need some outside views on this, pua or not.

Details:
-I'm 20, she's 18
-Met in December just shortly before she moved away, everything worked out so fast in the beggining, we had huge momentum
-have been ldr with her since
-we've been solid and have been official since Feb

Now I know how counter intuitive this was by me, and I never thought I'd ever get into an ldr before. We're meeting up in August again for a month, and then we'll be meeting in intervals of three months for about two weeks every time, and if we continue to do this we'll only be together permanently in three years from now.
I really like this girl, I realise that she isn't special, but she has a lot of rare traits that I really appreaciate in her and we've shared a lot of fun moments together already so I managed to find myself caring a lot about her, which I was dumb to let myself to because of how seemingly impossible this all looks like.

She does have some traits that put me off her though, the biggest of wish is how much she likes getting attention from other men.

Looking back I think I did everything right, up until the past month or so. I got flooded with tests, and I couldn't have time to be with her, so I'd spend short intervals with her, and it'd mostly be sweet stuff and nothing else, and it was like this for a week and a half. Which led to her thinking of us as more of best friends than anything else (her words). I realised I dropped the attraction ball hard.

What ended up happening was that she led this random guy on too far. He invited her to her place to study, she kept complaining about her back hurting and then he asked if she wanted a massage and she said yes. He ended up turning her and kissing her. She said she "took it for two seconds" and then pushed him away. What pisses me off is that she stayed there with him until she finished helping him and then when she got home she told him how out of line he was because he knew she was taken and then she messaged me.


I told her I needed some time to think about it, we called, she was a mess, crying and apologizing and that's when I realised everything prior to that, and that she saw it coming but didn't stop it.


I said I was gonna give her a chance, even though I never do and I was actually dead set on not giving her one before we called, if she changed the way she was acting and cut all contact with him. She was okay with this.

But I knew it was a lot more than just a kiss so we talked more and more for the following days, she though I needed some space so she seemed always distant and we have two weeks until I can sort this shit out before I leave out to a trip to sea due to my job for a month and I can't talk to her throughout. Which ended up in me pulling more than I should be pushing. And talking to her about what happened and trying to figure out the root of the problem and now the paradygm has changed from "She fucked up will I take her back?" to "Is she ready for a relationship with me and for a commitment as big as three years since she's going to college next year too?".

She told me before all this that she thinks that what led to this was that I felt more like a best friend than anything for a few weeks, because she didn't have deep conversations with me and that's something you have with your boyfriends that you don't with your bestfriends.

We talked again last night and we ended up deciding that it's hard for both of us to be in an ldr, and in such a commitment, so we'd wait until august until we could be together, and then we'd see. But in all honesty I'm scared of her just wanting to go until August so we can be together and then at the end having an excuse to leave because it "didn't feel right anymore" or some bullshit just so she can go to college and fuck around.

This is such a clusterfuck at this point and I just don't know what to do right now. I know I could just drop it, but I'd very much rather keep her and difuse this whole situation but all this shit broke the "happy train" we were on and the sort of "pure perfect love" vibe I set up with her feels broken now and things just seem different. Do I push and risk losing her? Do I pull? Do I just drop it all? What do I even do now?

OP, why this girl? What makes her so special? I'm seeing enough red flags here that a logical man would know that this isn't going to end well. So why do you think THIS girl who used the old "my back hurts" routine is worth trying to keep this relationship going?

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

I really don't know to be quite honest at this point
I think part of it is how much she actually worked for me? For the longest time she was the one chasing me
She's bought me things, she's witty, incredibly successful, dedicated, attractive, and in general she has all the qualities I'm realistically looking for in someone, except for this one attention thing which in honesty is understandable. And after she did this she called me and was honest about it, and she was crying on call so it got to her.
And unlike what I provably made it out to seem, my job is really hard on us, she's stayed up consistently just to be able to talk to me, and will wake up at insane hours in the middle of the night or skip classes to call me. And looking at this rationally, this is an 18 year old girl that has always had a boyfriend through her whole life pretty much, that has constant attention from guys and that came from a pretty restrictive family and that sort of butterflied a year ago which led to this attention she's been getting to be very recent, and she's going to college this year. And I'm making her take a three year commitment of this and she's been okay with it so far.

A big part of it is me too tbh. I'm a gigantic AFC, I was an antisocial kissless virgin computer geek kid through highschool, and then I got into a field that locked me out completely from the outside world due to the amount of work it requires (a military academy), I'll only have time for myself say, three afternoons in a week. I focused on my life for two years, got fit through bodybuilding, dressed better, took up interesting hobbies, and then I found myself with someone I really want to keep because they fit every single one of my preferences but my current situation alongside hers makes it a huge hurdle to make things work, even though I held on for five months solely based on my ability to talk to her, I need to be able to touch her to escalate things at this point and keep her faithful on something other than her affection but also her attraction to me and I can't get that right now. I can stay faithfull sure, but idk if I can trust her to or not. And what makes it hard is that she's given me proof that she might not with this shit, but she's also given me proof that she might looking back at all she's done for me. And her being one of the few women I've been with makes it harder because I got attached.


[PS.: English isn't my first language, hoping I made this clear enough]

The crew of the Titanic only seen the tip too.

Look Bro, she only 18. That pussy's still got that new car freshness, she's gonna try new roads to see how it handles.

Your a parking boot.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

yeah I guess I forgot the whole
she's been with men before you and she'll continue to be with men after you thing
my options here at this point though are pretty much

A) Go a day at a time, and meet up in August but take the risk of just getting played and fucked over by this girl if I stay attached
B) Drop everything now, save the trip money, go back to being single and work on this aspect of my life but possibly regret losing whatever I could have had with her

C) Go a day at a time, lie, fuck other girls, meet up in August, fuck, rinse repeat.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yeah man...she's only 18. Not only that she's from a restrictive family and hasn't even made it to college yet and she's already pulled this on you.

I wrote a lot of things down that you should think about, but decided to delete it because if I've learned anything on the forums is that you guys that try to save LDR's, try to maintain LDR relationships through college, or how to fix the girl in a relationship only want to hear how you can make it work.

Do this OP...go to the relationship section and start a journal on this relationship. Document how this relationship goes until she has reached her second month in college. I will guarantee you that it will be littered with indicators that you are going to kick yourself for ignoring.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

haha

That's true. In all honesty, rationally thinking, what I should do is leave her right now, and move on. I'd keep the money for the trip, and I'd keep myself from getting more hurt than I would from leaving her now. She isn't special, I think I just let myself get too involved in it, and as much as I wouldn't like to admit it I'm set up for a really shit ending with this. But if I leave her right now I'll regret it most likely, provably more than I would for sticking with this shit and then having it blow up in my face, at least I did the best I could and I learned from it.

I haven't even mentioned other shit like in the beggining of our relationship her saying that if I wanted to be open that would be okay, and honestly as much as I'd like to not be one of those people I can't do anything other than monogamous, but she clearly just wanted to fuck around.
If she was just even mildly absent and didn't work for what we had I would leave her in a heartbeat, but the fact that she did work hard for us to work is making me stay right now alongsides the fact that I still care for her.

Honestly, I will. At least I'll have something to look back to and learn from.

I went the long distance route with my girlfriend for eight months before she moved back to live with me. My girlfriend abandoned all contact with guys, although it wasn't my request. She didn't want to put herself in "that situation". Her words. I'll tell you what, it's hard enough worrying about even trustworthy girlfriends being in another state or country. It can really trigger some insecurity if you are actually invested. It sounds like you are. Her even being in a situation where some other guy is "massaging" her is just ridiculous, and it wasn't just like "it just happened". A guy wouldn't go for the kiss, especially where he just plain rolls her over and kisses her, without her having some signs she was willing. She could have not rolled over, blocked his kiss, not had him massaging her, yada yada. These are very bad signs. My girlfriend now is going long distance again, and she's beginning her second year of college. We made it through that first year, but being in person helped a lot. Guys of course will be guys. Girls will be girls. Three years is a ridiculous commitment and it would require her to skip her whole college life to be with you. Don't be unrealistic. If you had a destination in sight of when you could be back together, and she was obviously more committed to this relationship, then you could definitely pull it out. Three years is just too much, even for a great relationship. Not to say it's not possible, but college is way too tempting to pass up. She's too young to give that up, and you probably wouldn't have either at her age. Cut your losses, and meet up maybe down the road when she's got this out of her system and there is more likelihood of face to face. She'll eventually tire of the dweebs in college and how they never have their shit together and you can be a nice transition to the real world. Even if that doesn't come to fruition, you just need to save yourself the stress. It's not necessarily you, or her, but the situation is not ideal. Move onwards.

C pick C

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Thanks for this. I think honestly it's all just me knowing that if I leave she'll get with other men within like the space of one week because she always has guys around her, and knowing that makes shit harder on me. Aswell as just throwing it all away, but I talked to her again today and things just seem so cold even when I try hard, I get barely any good rapport off her. It feels like she just doesn't care, I'm trying hard to build rapport back with her aswell as attraction but I'm finding it hard not to come off as just needy right now.

You ARE being needy. You need this to work. Look, it's no fault of your own. You can game her all you want but it's a two way street. There isn't really an override button that commits three years of her life to you. No techniques can do that. You can't save her from herself. If she is going to go sleep with other guys, then she will do it with or without you. You can't control her, or stop her, if that's who she is. Go find a higher quality woman you trust more. It's normal to feel some attachment to the relationship and you don't want some other guy to succeed where you feel you failed or move in on your turf but that's her choice not yours. If it was your choice, you'd obviously have things be not long distance or even have her have amazing self discipline and commitment to you. This isn't the case. She has her own free will. Don't focus too much on her life and who she is with. Go make your life worth paying attention to. If she turns out to be with someone else, a week, a month from now then that's her path. She will learn from it. At that point it's none of your business. Don't feel it's your choice to make for her whether she has fun in college.

The reason you want to stay with her is your ego. This is the same thing that whysoskinny said was his fear when he lost his abusive girlfriend. You guys would rather sit in hell rather than let another guy fuck a girl that isn't good for you.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

If I was in an abusive relationship with her or if she didn't try hard to keep us I would have no problem with leaving her whatsoever. But to be honest, if she didn't try hard I wouldn't even be emotionally attached and this wouldn't even have led me to post this in the first place.
And the fact that she's tryed so hard for me and was honest about all this, is giving me faint hopes that if I can I could make it work if I keep my game up, and if I keep her attracted. In the end it's not her fault, I need to keep attraction, it's just harder in the position we both find eachother in since we get no contact.
Meeting her in August, if my game's on point, and if I can make enough of an impression on her (partly because she's also a virgin and was planning on losing it with me before all this then) I could eventually ride this through 3months at a time if I manage to keep attraction up. (considering that I've managed to for the past 8months since I met her). It's delusional to think that I can keep this up for three years though, but I feel wrong just dropping it now, it feels like the easy way out.


We talked again today, I've been hating the distance this got between us, and even though it's been three days since this happened I know that if I keep things boring and distant she'll just move on and get disinterested and the choice will just leave my hands. And this was a huge break for what we had going on.
So I had her go through standard attraction today, I was playful, ignored her for a while when she wanted to call me. Teased her but nothing as aggressive as I'd use on people I just met. Then she opened up and showed me random school papers from her middle school that had comments about how she acted back then, and she talked about how hard it was to be successful when she got to the US because she couldn't speak english at all. I was playful throughout playing the whole you're a nerd thing because she had excellent grades, when she finished I talked about how I liked that she managed to do well despite coming from a foreign country and having to deal with so much shit from her family and at school and how I thought it was cute that pretty much every report said "always has a book in her hand". Then we somehow got into talking about fetishes, it was more playful than sexual though tbh because of the way I took it at the time, I don't want to get into it before I can secure attraction back and some comfort so we dont get into it and then it feels wrong, and she gets second thoughts.
I told her I have a surprise for her tomorrow, and I was gonna show her someting special. It'll be night time for her due to time zones so I need to take advantage of this, since it's usually when she's more open and vulnerable to build comfort, I'm gonna wake up, rebuild attraction being playful and whatever and I'll send her a picture of me (once she's said something funny or whatever so she "earns it") and then I'll talk to her for a while and because I've been liking our time so much together I'll take her to a special spot in my workplace (little spot at the roof of my military base, I'll be using my phone to cam with her during) and build confort from there, we'll just eventually have a deep conversation together then and then I'll just end it with me telling her that I care for her after she says something that warrants it before I leave or just not at all if I'm not feeling it, or if I feel that I've been pulling too much.