Hi guys, I have a reoccuring problem with my GF right now. Please help me out with your perspectives.

I'm 21, she is 19, we've been together for 3 months. Our relationship is semi long distance (2hrs away), we see eachother once or twice a week. But all arguments happen over the phone because we talk every day (text or call).

I'll dive right into it:

We argue quite often lately. I would say twice a week, maybe more. It's usually petty stuff for example, me being insensitive, saying something harsh, adding a girl on social media, or something she does wrong imo.

But whenever we argue there comes a point where she no longer wants to talk. She will say something like 'bye i'm going to bed'.

So far every time she did this I either reached out rightaway and "forced" her to talk with me to solve our argument. Or I would wait for her to talk to me but eventually give up and send her a message. I once waited 2 days but she just wouldn't give in.

How do I deal with this? I feel she is "in control" so to say, as if she has me if you know what I mean.

Never argue with a girl over text messages or phone. It's messy.

Another thing: Every time you do argue about silly things NEXT HER IMMEDIATELY. Arguing is her food, and you giving her attention over nothing just makes you very low value in her eyes.

Plus, you can tell how she really "cares" about you if she can ignore you for two days straight.

Next time she starts arguing over something moronic as adding a girl on social media just say:"I have better things to do" and next her.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying if two of you are having "fight" about something serious, that does require attention and time from both parties (not on the phone again though) but things like these, OP, next time, YOU SHUT HER DOWN.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

Ofcourse she's in control. You're giving it to her.

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There's no such thing as shit-tests.
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Yes, actually calling and texting someone every 3 minutes does make you clingy.

Fall into her 'trap' every time huh?

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You need to step back. Your problems are bigger than you realise

Why are you arguing about petty stuff? And so frequently? You're basically asking what's the best bandaid to put on a sprained ankle.

You need to look at your relationship in entirety and figure out whether you both are ready for this.

This is your girlfriend?

With all due respect it sounds like a bullshit relationship to me. It's long distance, and you fight all the time ----- and you don't fight well either. Bottom line is -- if you don't like it, don't tolerate it.

I don't agree with the poster who said to 'next' her whenever she does this. That's fair advice if she was not a girlfriend... If you're in a relationship that makes you a flakey boyfriend.

Either convey to her that the way she's fighting isn't working for you -- and then don't tolerate it if it happens again, or else don't complain about it when she does it.

You can go be happy with someone local who you can see more than twice a week without driving half way across the state to see.

I've seen the term "Next" in topics mostly concerning relationships.

And 5 minutes ago, somewhere on this forum skills360 talked about how nexting works. From my experience I can confirm that. Plus, I didn't say next a girl whenever you two have an argument, but when she goes bananas on you over stupid things, giving her the silent SPAM is the best tool I've discovered.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

There's a funny tendancy of guys here to literally put up with a bunch of things that would signal to a girl she has them, but they still worry about ONE thing as if without that, the girl would think she doesnt have them.

1. Its long distance

If she didnt "have" you, you wouldve told her "I care about you...but I cant do long distance so early in"

2. You're in an early relationship, where you argue frequently and you're not gone.

If she didnt "have you", you wouldve told her "It's too soon for us to argue like this...I can't do this."

3. You're in an early relationship, where you can only see each other once or 2x a week

If she didnt "have" you, you wouldve told her "I need someone I can see every day."



But...but...but....all of that doesnt matter! It's her knowing she can ignore you and you'll message her first...THAT'S the real thing that would show her she has you!

She has you man. Regardless of how you reach out to her or not. As Choc said, you're looking for a bandage for a sprained ankle. Just being in the relationship like this, says she means that much to you. Stop the arguing or leave the relationship. Not only for your own sanity but because if you keep arguing frequently...And you're already at a negative due to the distance...guess what...she'll just leave.

Lol - relax bud. It's a forum. I'm allowed to have a different opinion than you.

Also good for skills360. Is that supposed to impress me or something? I don't understand.

He can have his opinion as well.

As fun as an unstable "game your girlfriend" existence sounds, I'm too old for that shit.

It's always shocking when the woman knows a silly argument has gone too far, and yet it's the man who wants to continue it in perpetuum...

I had an ex like that, she'd shut-down whenever it came to resolving things, sometimes going quiet for days - it was brutal emotionally and very unhealthy.

That said, if you're arguing you can't expect everyone to do an about-face and want to deal with things immediately. She has her process, you have yours. I feel your pain though, having her go on the dark side of the moon with radio silence for 2 days - that's not a healthy pattern and you've got to ask yourself is this somebody you can have a future with, or would it be better to find somebody who is a better fit and is able to resolve matters more quickly rather than shutting down and withdrawing for an indefinite period of time?

I don't think anyone ever said that it "doesn't work", per se.

You can cauterize a wound, it will stop the bleeding. That however doesn't mean it won't do more damage in the long run nor that there are no much better ways of doing it.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I know, I don't allude gaming your girlfriend, but she has to know that you will not put up with her shit by withdrawing your attention if she goes crazy over something like

Which is ridiculous reason not worth arguing, especially not worth fighting for.

_________________
Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.