Ok, i've been seeing this girl for 3 months exclusively. I have held a strong frame most of the time and things are getting more bf/gf vibe. She seems really into me but i know how quickly that can change. Also, she doesn't know this but she was my first (I was a virgin).

I see her about once a week for dinner or hangout (sex) and have made some solid emotional progress. I like her and see her as ltr material.

Anyway last week i picked her up and she mentioned she got a new job at a bar. Now, i brushed it off initially but have since been unable to get past it. I've showed no external sign of being bothered to her but inside i think this is the beginning of the end.

I plan to carry on with the relationship unfazed. At the same time i want to know if i should be preparing myself for changes in her behavior and how i should react to her. I went through a similar experience with my first gf before she monkey branched, so i am naturally scared of getting hurt again.

what should i be looking out for in this scenario?
How should i handle it if she begins changing, becoming distant etc
No matter what, i refuse to react as i did with my first gf and have her lose respect for me through my desperate behavior. I want to handle this properly this time round.

It's almost too late.

You can't fake it.

You think she is the only woman who works in a bar who is seeing someone?

You are presently letting your insecurities get the best of you.

You are quite inexperienced so this is expected.

Don't sweat it, but rather see it as a growing experience.

Like I said you are quite inexperienced so the only thing you can do is to ride it out and experience it.

I can tell you all about having an abundance mentality and all of that but you have to live it to really get the gist of it. To this point you have not lived an abundance mentality when it comes to seeing women so this mind state cannot simply be transferred to you through osmosis.

Trust her.

This sitch is 100% diametrically opposed to the posts we see on here of guys' girlfriends who go and meet up with their ex's, or fucking spend entire months in the company of another dude.

Your scenario is run of the mill and normal, so trust her and you will be ahead of the game. Trust her until proven otherwise. For fucks sake she has to work, let her do so and show that you are a fucking man by supporting her rather than being jealous of drunk chodes in the bar.

At the very least you must see yourself as above those chodes and your entire demeanor must display this.

What oceanx said.


Are you in relationship btw? If not, you can always have some girls who you can hang out with, I don't know the exact level of relationship you are in, but always game other girls, if not, flirt with others. It's important to have options and have an abundance mentality.

You don't want to develop this strange disease called oneitis. Also, while hanging with your friends don't talk about her, it will only further your needines thats on its way to devour you.

Plus... When she's working, this is a great time to take a look at your own life, what are you doing with it? Find you desires, read something, go to gym, develop yourself. This is your opportunity.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

I've tried avoiding calling it a relationship but I have made it clear I don't like sharing. waiting on her to press on our status.

Thanks for the replies. I will try to develop this abundance mentality. It should help stop this one itis spiral and and all of the irrational thoughts and behaviour that seem to come with it.

Why do you see her once a week?

I realised with my last girl that less contact is more. The more I text/hangout the more attached I become and the quicker she could get bored. Maybe experienced guys can handle longer contact time but I reckon I'd just screw myself over.

Once a week is enough at the start, but after a while if you're doing everything right, she's going to want to see you most days. Pretending to be distant is needy, believe it or not. Instead of being distant because you're convinced she'll get bored of you, why not focus on yourself? Just don't make her your #1 priority. Focus on other areas of your life. Achieve some shit. Feminine energy craves masculine energy, and masculine energy grows through accomplishment, breaking barriers, just generally fucking shit up and doing shit that will be remembered. Instead of hiding the fact that you're boring, be fun, for yourself.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

As ocean said, you're letting your insecurities get the best of you. Lets say she asks to be your gf, you agree. Then you see her once a week so you wont be attached. She feels bored from not seeing you and longs for a guy she can see more. You get monkey branched the same way.

She's not even your gf and your afraid to lose her. You're afraid to mention a relationship because it may scare her away. You're afraid to see her more because it may scare her away. Get that mentality out of your mind.

The fallacy of alot of pickup, is that you need an abundance mentality; ie get more girls so you'll care less about individual girls. But all you're doing there is making WOMEN, the center of your life. It's always unhealthy to have your happiness depend on ONE thing, more so with women and dating, because they come and go. What I'm saying is, take a look at your life and what makes you get attached. Odds are, other areas of your life are being neglected. Your health, your family, your friends, your hobbies, your career, your knowledge, travelling etc....lacking these things is what makes a girl leaving you hurt more. gotta run

Everything is fine, you just need to stop overthinking things. She wants a job, so what? What makes you so worried about her working at a bar? What do you think is gonna happen? "this is the beginning of the end", how?

Also, if you want a relationship, just ask her. Why wait for her to press on it? If you want to talk to her, and hang out with her more, do it. Take what you want. Don't want things to get boring? Don't be boring. Find things for you two to do. Tell her you are going to a brewery, museum, movie, amusement park, concert, etc and ask if she wants to come with.

I know it's easy for me to say "stop being insecure" but that's what you need to do. Confidence isn't assuming everyone's gonna like you, it's knowing that you'll be fine if they don't. You'll be fine if she says no, or cheats, or whatever. Stop worrying about things that either aren't going to happen, or aren't going to affect you as much as you think.

Don't sweat it. I've dated a handful of bartenders and none have dated patrons. Female bartenders work hard and they do it to make money - not to find guys to hook up with. Don't let any insecurity sabotage you.

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Need help attracting women on TINDER? Then read this free guide and improve: http://www.guycodeacademy.com/free-ebook

Why did you end up here, do you even know?

Because you did not steer the relationship. She know that bar work is no go in a relationship. But she took that decision, by her own(because you are not 2 in this). EVEN if you arent in a relationship, that's no good. You don't even exsist in a long term.

It comes from you only see a woman once or twice a week. You got your own stuff to care off same with her, where relationship should be all about sharing the life together and taking decisions for the best of the relationship.

I would give the ultimatum(because it 100% normal, that it hurts your male ego. Do not try to change this, because it goes back to the caveman). Right now, you are nothing but a walking penis.

Remember this lesson. If you want a relationship, be 100% in it(don't come up with something for why only see her once a week. It's weak and pathetic. You end up with a weak and pathetic relationship). Been there, done all that shit.

Are you serious?

^ told you I don't always disagree with you, lol.

StinkyApple, do you realise how weak that is? I don't want to go into full detail because I simply can't be bothered, but giving an ultimatum is the most menstrual, feminine, insecure needy thing I've heard of. "Ohhhh it hurts my feelings, I can't take it, I don't trust you and I'm selfish. Do this instead" lol gtfo. I don't think you're currently in a position to be giving advice, as I can tell from your attitude that you're not in the kind of situation that this guy wants to replicate.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Alright then.

I suppose you got the propper attitude, because you can't be bothered and im BS.

Fine.

I still think the weakest thing is to hide your weakness. It hurts him. He should have a talk aka give the Ultimatum. Perhabs it would hurt her as well, if he started on job, she doenst like. That is how men and women used to be like.

Or he can go ahead and play his GF(because that is a good thing, right?)and fake the happiness.

Please don't twist my words. I hate when guys do that shit. I never said anything about playing her. There's a difference between having a conversation about it (if he really has to) and giving her an ultimatum.

Please tell me how your idea would fix the problem? It wouldn't. It's like having an umbrella in a tsunami, lol. He needs to fix the problem by going to the root, not putting a little mask on it by forcing her to live her life based on his insecurities.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.