Oi,

I’ve been seeing my first girlfriend for about two months now (I’m 25). As I travel a lot and will be going on a big trip soon, there were some commitment issues, making for a rough start, but something “clicked” in her head and things have been going great since in bed.

The issue I’m having is with her (or perhaps my?) sex-drive. She drives me absolutely mad, and quite honestly I can’t imagine NOT wanting to have sex with her after the usual smooching/cuddling on the couch/in bed.

Needless to say she does not feel the same way… She loves me dearly and says she understands how I feel as she used to be in my shoes in her past (lesbian, she’s bi-sexual) relationships. However, she feels like every time needs to be mind-bending and is convinced sex is way better if you’ve not had it consistently (I’ve been keeping track and this is fully false, it seems way more related to the way she feels rather than how long it was since we last spent the night together). She also absolutely can’t have it “being planned”, but it needs to be “in the moment”.

Problem with this is that she knows I’m always horny, and I’m always the one initiating everything. We’ve talked about this, and even 15-30’ before I actually initiate anything she claims she can feel it coming (I’m easy to read). I feel like this takes a lot of the tension out of it (“the chase”) and that this negatively impacts her libido. I’m not sure however how to play this hand, as I feel that not initiating will lead to me being extremely sexually frustrated sooner rather than later and ending this relationship (she claims this being bullshit).

Another train of thought I have is that I should just get my shit together and get it into my head that I have an unreasonable sex-drive and she’s just being a woman (as in, I’ll get the same shit no matter who I date, save some of the more sex-obsessed girls out there).

I do understand that she is pushing for quality not quantity. Maybe It's an exuse on her part but...

The main issue is, that there is a lack of compatibility element to it. You are not getting what YOU want. She is getting what SHE wants.

You should have a serious talk to her about it and perhaps hint that it could potentially destroy the relationship if nothing is done about it. So you both have to compromise on what both works for you.

Don't settle for less than you want.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

We had that talk, she knows the danger (like I said, in her previous relationships she was the one with these frustrations). Problem is that she picks up on the slightest hint of disappointment and then a point is made about it and this causes friction. That and the fact that I guess I'm also frustrated because like you said she's getting what she wants out of it and I'm not fully.

Thing is that I feel like I can absolutely not force her or put pressure on her on this front, that would only do harm. She's making an effort of sorts, but I'm not sure it's "enough" or that I can compromise enough at this point to make it enough... Like I said, I'm 25, have always been alone and have always had things my way. If I didn't, I'd find a way to make it so, that's obviously not how it works in a relationship and that's something I have to work on from my part.

What I'm trying to learn from this post is how to make her intrinsically want it more, the way she feels about it if you will. I know she truly loves me and is very attracted to me (she's the one that chased me from the get-go and made this relationship happen in the first place), but I feel like there's something about the way I handle things that make her lose the drive to actually want to "have me" on a consistent basis.

Maybe it's the way I'm super rational and straight-forward about everything and communicating about everything that sucks all the "magic" out of it or the fact that I'm always available for sex that takes the chase out of it? I've been thinking "push-pull" might bring that back into it, but as soon as I show any disinterest or "unusual" behavior she goes into full-on "are you ok, what's wrong-mode".

Whatever it is, I'd like to find out what it is and adress it... I'm pretty positive it's something I'll be able to easily adjust in the way I handle things and that'll make this relationship a whole lot healthier for all involved

Sounds to me that fact that she made this happen for you both, you pretty much jumped into this all on her terms, the 1st few months it's awesome but then the honey moon period is over and then that is what makes and breaks relationships IMO , it is what you do after this period because you're exposed and vulnerable to what you truly want.

Let me ask you, are you good with women? My definition is that someone that can pretty much a cool girl with in a week, no problemo.

I get the feeling that you are just very typical normal guy who is just tolerating a relationship? Someone that is willing to use all the game tactics in the world apart from the true power of being able to walk away because to do that. You don't know your worth because a man who is good with women will not settle for less.

Use this with caution, don't blame me if this doesn't work out in the way you want it. This is your responsibility. I think you are concentrating too much on push/pull PUA tactics, but for me, a man in a healthy relationship HAS to convey that he can walk away if he doesn't get what he wants out it. I don't get that feeling from you right now and you know it kinda make sense.

I am seeing a girl at the moment, she would get pissed if she sees me with another girl or finds a microscopic hair in my bed, the fact that I told her I am staying single and told her that she should find someone who will provide her with happiness was my response. She compromised and now tolerates MY terms now and I have full power and still chase other pretty ladies.

People who are not good with women, they tolerate bull shit, they forgive a girl that cheats on them, they have babies they don't want and I can see the life is sucked from them behind their eye's. It is really sad and no wonder most relationships/marriages fail. It's the guys that are good with women that have long lasting marriages.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Your sex is probably boring. I've only skimmed the replies after the initial post, so sorry if anything I say has already been pointed out.

Let me guess, almost every fuck you have is in a bed? She's the dominant one? The signs are all there that she wants to be fucking abused. Her attraction to you is fading.

Next time you see her looking hot, just grab her and tell her that you're going to fuck her brains out. Kiss her neck, squeeze her ass, lick, bite, do some nasty shit and fuck her before you even make it upstairs. You get the idea, right? If she feels like you can barely even look at her without wanting to fucking destroy her, she'll feel so sexy, and magic will happen..

Worst case scenario, she's not into it, so you tell her you need a girl with a sex drive that matches yours, and something needs to be done.

I'd be round there now raping the living shit out of every hole lol

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Yeah, mr Daniels raises a good point. It seems like you need boring predictable mutual consent and calendar rota to have sex.

If you want to sex, make her horny so that she does compromise. Being unpredictable like that can definitely spice up things and she may even start to get really into it.

Burst into the kitchen, bend her over and put her face imprint in the pastry and run the train on her.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

1. How often do you have sex, vs how often do you WANT to have sex, vs how often does she want to have sex?

2. What's your foreplay routine?

I can bet the majority of his issue is coming from what dragula is talking about. As a man you should know your worth and not settle for less, if a woman see's this insecurity in you, she will totally walk all over you. She will always demand more and claim she isnt happy.

Yes dominant sex plays a role in a happy relationship but what if the girl likes to he dominated but not rough sex? Sounds like you need open communication wth this girl. talk more and see exactly what it is that makes her tick. If you can accomodate then do it. If you cant, then dont be scared to sat your not the one for her, and walk away. Sometimes women will test to see how far they can push you. Once they see that they cant push no more, they give up and give in.

But bottom line, dont be a push over trying to accomodate everything she cries about. Sometimes its just better to whip it out, stick your dick down her throat and tell her to shut up and suck it(and i mean that literally )

You also said that you are "easy to read"... I think it's important what do you mean by that, do you behave in needy way when you want to fuck her? In a way that can seem creepy? I am easy to read also, girl knows I want to fuck her anytime I lay my eyes on her. I'm just relaxed and joke about it alot. And NEVER ask for sex.

Girls don't like to make choices, and naturally will put some BS stories about previous relationships (probably made up) where they rationalize why they don't want to HAVE SEX with you now (lies, lies, lies... Girl like and want sex more then man)

Another point...Dragula made point that you are not getting what you want, and she is. Just wrap your mind around this idea:

Cuddling is you being there on the couch with her and rewarding her FOR NOTHING. Next time she doesn't want to fuck, why should you reward her with sweetness and warmth of your hug.

You're still afraid of making her feel uncomfortable, probably due to fear that she will leave you if you don't comply with her request. I'm telling you, your biggest advantage is WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY if your principles/wishes/desires are ignored. C'mon OP, your feelings are in question.

You are riding shotgun in this relationship.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

Haven't really read all of the replies, but I can tell you one thing, the sex you're having is not satisfying her.

Does she cum every time you fuck her? Does she cum multiple times? Does she ever?

This whole "it's supposed to be in the moment" talk is bullshit. If she knows a mindshattering orgasm is headed her way she won't care if you plan it a week in advance. Fucks sake, she'll plan it herself.

The only thing she's trying to tell you is that she craves and intense experience. She wants her BPM to go over 200.

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