I met a month ago online a very interesting girl, first time in life someone whose way of life and values I could relate to and respect fully. But she lives far away so I had to travel to meet her, and she doesn't have possibility for this so it's always me who can go to her (another country)

It was interesting, we spent many days together before I returned. After this we communicated online daily for weeks and I made another trip, and just returned home.

This time it was fun too, and we kissed first time on our 7th meeting and she was a little bit confused after this as for her it's a serious matter, for me too, but I felt that it just happened so for me it was only a good thing. But of course we don't know each other completely yet, so it was the reason why she took some distance after that.

but after some hours we kissed more than I could have asked for, she didn't want to stop, and I had to return home and all was sweetly.

Now again when I sent her warm messages with kisses, she just ignores those parts and replies in a more distant way..

And some background information, we are both Christians, and want to wait until marriage..I have had a relationship in the past but she never, and for both it has been difficult to even get interested in anyone.

But now for me things felt so special,and as I am quite open, genuine and sincere person, I have to admit that I've been quite open with my feelings. I told her that it's first time I like someone like this, and for example when we kissed much I said to her that I like her very much and she just said that it's good.

She seems interested anyway, has told about me to her family, her father picking her up so that we can spend more time together..and she said when I was leaving how she will miss me, but she is not a person who can be so open and is much more careful than I am.

So I have been thinking how I should behave with her. I understand that it's normal that some people need to move more slowly and this is the feeling I am getting from this, that she is holding back because she doesn't want to make a mistake and also I don't like to be perceived as needy here, because all I wish is to get to know her better and better, and so far she feels, as I said, first time in life someone I could imagine marrying one day.

But the situation is, that I am the one who has to travel and pay a lot for us to meet, and I'm the open and more of a go with the flow type of person, so I guess for her it can feel like she is in control and she can just choose me or not to choose, no challenge in this sense.

And she actually has a little bit dominant personality, even during our meetings in her city, if I suggested something, she very strongly said NO, if that was her idea..and because I just went to another country for a weekend holiday and to see her and enjoy, for me it wasn't this important what we do, as long as it's good time. But I can feel that she is no push over or shy at all and even she herself said that her bad side is sometimes a boss attitude.

But I also don't want to play any games, as I said to her, and she said that she also doesn't want that.
So, I just don't want to seem needy or make her feel the need to take distance from me, but also I don't want to give the impression that I am indifferent about her. How can I do this?? It's after all not so natural situation for me, this long distance thing.

This is not pickup-related at all, Slickman.

I don't know that you're going to find a lot of advice that you'd find useful on this forum, particularly because of your religious values, and how they do not exactly mesh with this culture.

When I read that it took you 7 encounters to kiss her I nearly lost my shit. That's an amazingly long time in this world (if you don't seal it after 1 date, you're already behind).

There are a couple things going on here - and I don't think you're going to want to hear either of them:

1) I do not think she's into you as much as you think she is... (or at the very least, she's got a more realistic view of long distance relationships than you do).

2) I seriously think you need to start dating women on your own side of the globe. She's long-distance, and she's only half on the hook to begin with. You've got yourself some oneitis here... and you're putting way too much value on this one girl.

Hedge your bets. This one may not work out... Have others.

Again, this is a pickup forum, you're going to get advice here like the advice above.

This is about abundance and the mentality that you're the prize and she should want to be with you. Pining over some girl in another country that you aren't even sleeping with is not an effective use of your time, and really isn't something anyone here is going to endorse for you.

I appreciate your answer. And I realize that the values and principles about dating might be quite different here..

We actually talked about kissing earlier as i had tried to kiss her and she explained to me about preaching she had heard, that it should be a very long time before that, only about communication and not kissing. Even 2 days before we kissed she sent me a message about this, that I should not expect it in a long time but maybe one day.

And then we just felt so good together that it happened, she even initiated first kiss which was necessary as I had agreed to respect her choice.

But yes, maybe she is not that much into me, and she has not invested as much into this as I have. But on the other hand, her being so strict about her principles, she said that she "is not interested in dating", she is rather alone if it doesn't feel like getting married with a person, and during past 7 years she has maximum of 3 or 4 dates had with anyone because it didn't feel right, and she's not a teenager anymore. And doesn't drink ever, not to clubs, well, I'm the same nowadays and like that she is similar.

It's just difficult to see how to proceed here..I won't be travelling at least in the next few weeks I think, and also don't feel too good about writing her always so much as she very shortly writes herself. But then on the other hand she again said that I could come in the next 1-3 months with her family to church together..so maybe this is just a different way of relationship forming than what I have been used to.

I know about PUA culture from my past as I wasn't then that closely following my real feelings of what is correct and what's not. I have read Style's book, forums, and even tried some "methods" but I don't see all of them working so well here, with such different kind of girl.

So I guess I was wishing, that since this is a long distance, and not so cheap to travel for weekends, that things could progress quickly to more stable and romantic phase without uncertainty but naturally it was wishful and unrealistic thinking from my side..she is a careful person and likes me but wants to go slowly to not make any mistake.

Well you say you're a Christian and already agreed to wait until marriage. So what is your rush? If you already know you like this girl, why are you trying to get her to do things that she is waiting for marriage to do? I get the feeling that you say you're Christian but you want her to sleep with you before marriage. That's why you're here! You told the girl you will wait, but you don't actually intend to wait. You can't expect the uncertainty in this relationship to end until you marry her. Marriage is the girl's requirement.

Another important thing. Why label her as dominant? Women don't remain virgins by being pushovers, you should know that. They have to tell men "no" over and over again. In fact in every relationship the woman dictates the pace and indeed the price until marriage. So she is not trying to control you; she is just doing what must be done. You may not like it because nowadays girls just give it away really easily. But you wanted a "quality" girl and you respect this girl precisely because she's not a floozy. So why are you finding fault with the necessary method of maintaining her status?

You like her? Marry her and she will be a lot more open with you. Obviously. It's not good that you say you're the same religion as her, and yet you want to game her.

If you're truly aware of this culture and its principles you would know that literally everything you've done with this girl to date is incorrect if you're trying to pick her up.

Starting with this: Just... no.

You're buying into her frame completely. You're accepting whatever table scraps she's giving you, and she's completely dictating the pace here.

I still am not sure why guys make the mistake of treating these religious women as if they do not have the same hormonal function as all of the other women on the planet. They are the same hormonally; religious women have just been taught to suppress it because if they didn't then they would burn for eternity in hell.

Now her religious background does not change the fact that because she is a woman she is still attracted to the same things that every other woman is attracted to. Attraction is built around a woman biologically nature; and religion cannot alter a woman biologically nature.

She still gets horny, she still wonders what its like to have sex and she still wants a man to take charge and be her leader.

Genesis chapter 3: verse 16 says " Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you." - So if you really want to get religious; the bible tells you to rule over your woman. I believe other versions say something to the extent of "control your woman for she will try to control you "

You're an easy pick for her right now man. You're no challenge; you're going miles to see her and she isn't even reciprocating the effort as much as you are. How can she respect you?

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I do realize, that I got a oneitis problem here, I just did all mistakes. And the fact that if I want to see how this will be, I am the one who has to travel. She has such a situation in her life that for her travelling here would be nearly impossible, so that puts me into the position making me appear needy and also to feel like that somewhat too, but other option would be not to travel at all and never finding out about this.

And as I'm 34 already and always have wished to find a beautiful girl with such values but never before have met, what else can I really do!? There's been lots of girls in my life, I haven't been strong enough to stay virgin, not at all, and I've been dating enough to know that such girls as she is, are rare. And actually I've been able to charm "normal" girls quite well, last one even said that I was the first one to appear strong and different than normal weak guys, but this time the travelling far and expensively to see a girl that really interests and has so different style than other girls, changed the situation for my brain.

But the question here was, is there any advice how to proceed from this on. To be honest, after we kissed, I realized she is just a girl, and also she has some difficult sides, not perfect. But that's normal, we are human all and main thing is that I am interested in her and wish to continue developing our relations.

And I realize that it's necessary to be strong to be able to be a virgin at 25 years in a culture and time when your friends change men like socks and for this reason I appreciate her a lot, as one of the biggest things for me in a girl is that I can trust them not to do stupid things in a heartbeat.

I am not looking to have sex with her in a long time. It's not the thing, all I am looking for is to develop relations forward and get more close emotionally, and in communication and so on..

But I feel that she has been a little bit put off by my neediness so far and shows that she isn't ready yet for boyfriend/girlfriend style messaging, but when we met she wanted to hold hands all time, kiss on cheeks and hug and spend all weekend hours with me during both trips.

So the question here where I feel that PUA knowledge can help after I have explained the situation, would be some tips for me, how to behave to not make her lose interest. I feel that I shouldn't be pushing that much now, no more sending kisses to her, but just reply kindly and ask about her day and so on..but I just feel that even for me it's hard to keep interest up if for the next month that's all there'd be between us during this distance..well, I guess I'll just have to limit my expressions of interest unless she does that for a change.

I guess all is as it should be..so I just want to say, that thank you for the attention, and seems that my earlier life when I tried to live as I though I have to, if I want to fit in and got influence from PUA community made me believe that I had done something wrong by being just myself with her and listening to my heart but I think that's just the reason why I wanted to meet her, as it felt that this is a person who understands me and I can be who I am and finally someone appreciates it, and I her. And I am happy about the comment, which helped me to realize that her strict attitude about somethings is necessary that she has been able to say no to all the eager guys all her life.

You want to know how to be closer to her, well you need to reassure her. She is automatically suspicious of any guy, you need to assure her that you are going to marry her.

Getting engaged to her would make her a lot more comfortable around you. Then you can continue getting closer in your relationship. But don't wait more than 6-8 months before marrying her.

Remember you are, in fact, one of billions of men, and she knows that, which is why she is not bothered if you leave her. Whereas men have to scour the earth for a quality girl, decent women are able to find suitable men fairly easily. She is not likely to change her values for you (at this point). The longer a girl stays virgin the easier it is for her to say no to sex. And it doesn't bother her at all, remember there are many guys who will propose to such girls on the spot. So don't play games just be yourself and be straight with the girl. You know what she wants. She wants that ring and wedding.
Well you're quoting the Bible, but ignoring the fact that the Bible also requires marriage before sex, which is obviously why really devout religious girls stick to that rule. The "husband" rules over the woman, not the "boyfriend" or the "guy she's dating". The reason OP thinks this girl must be treated differently is, she has deliberately remained virgin for a long time. Obviously she is not going to give it up just because you act like you're the boss of her. In any case you need to actually be her man before "ruling over her". The requirements for this girl are high.

You also ignore the power of mental images that a person cherishes, and how these images can be self-fulfilling prophecies. The religious virgin who has deliberately remained virgin for years, has an image in her mind of when she loses her virginity. That image would include a wedding and all associated preparations. It would not be an image of being half-drunk in your apartment, or in the back of your car, or anywhere without a ring on her finger. OP is probably right.

Well young lady,

If I want to become the manager of a company it would be wise for me to begin acting somewhat like the manager so I can be recognized as qualified for that position. Of course I don't get manager perks before I get the title because at bare minimum I must take of extra responsibilities to even be qualified. The OP isn't in no way showing he is even qualified to rule over her. He must display that in someway before she can recognize him as such a thing. Not even that the bible says your "husband" it just says a man. The bible also suggest that women not speak amongst or try an teach men. Women, not wives. But I'm not a follower of the bible so i can careless.

To the OP,

You are allowing her current situation to develop a fantasy of what she would be like in your mind that will be impossible to live up to. She can intuitively feel that from you; and she will naturally shy away from that out of fear of not being what you make her up to be.

Being that you have oneitis, you have to understand that love is blind. And this girl is not what she's cracked up to be. She's conservative so she lacks a lot of social experience. A woman can't have it all. You have to factor in what the cons to being with such a woman are. And truly ask yourself is that something you want.

How about be list the cons of being with a virgin? Not that your oneitis will allow you to truly see them for what they are. But lets do it anyway.

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The role of husband is nothing like being manager of a company, let's just get that out of the way. Women are not corporate machines; they're people. Your wife is not your employee. Anyway you just quoted a verse that said "your desire shall be to your husband" and now you are trying to tell me it only said "a man"? It does not say the woman's desire shall be to any man, but to her husband. Follower or not, it's not very difficult to understand. These are probably the principles OP's girlfriend abides by.

The Bible doesn't say the man needs to be an "alpha male" before the woman submits to his rule. He just needs to be man enough to marry the woman, and for this reason alone, he merits her respect and love. But as you may well know, many guys nowadays find it very hard to commit to even a quality girl. Which shows that by the Bible's standards, they are actually not worthy at all.
Again, it says "the man" not "a man" - meaning her husband, and from other sources, the church leaders. Says nothing about "speaking amongst men" - otherwise there would be no prophetesses in the Bible. Obviously if a (non-Christian) man is trying to get a woman to do something against her religion, she must refuse and tell him what she believes. Not go along with it. OP fits into the "non-Christian" category because he doesn't actually follow the rules of the religion.

In OP's case the girlfriend is on high alert because the man is not her husband. And he admitted that he's not devout like her. If the man is not devout then it creates a problem - he is not capable of teaching her anything and he is likely to encourage her to do things against the Bible. For example OP already has the girlfriend doing stuff she shouldn't really do as a devout Christian. He is in fact encouraging her to go against the biblical principles. Meaning OP is not a guy who should rule over her at any time. This is her fault - she is trying to keep her beliefs while dating a guy who is not serious about his religion.

In fact honestly I don't remember any examples of "dating" in the Bible. Like literally, not one. People just prayed and their future spouses were revealed to them. Usually the wife would be sent for and she would meet the guy, and they would get married. So this is another way in which OP's girlfriend is making a mistake. Basically she is trying to fit her biblical beliefs into a very recent modern construct called "dating". It used to be that women were "courted" under heavy family supervision, and would never spend nights etc at a guy's house. Now "courting" has evolved into something called "dating" which is unlike anything encouraged in the Bible, anyway.

There are a lot of "Christian girls" I read about on this forum who do the same thing. They get with one of the PUAs here and expect to keep their religion at the same time. It just can't work but they try it anyway. That thread with the "super christian girlfriend" is the best example ever.

1 Timothy 2:11-12: A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.

One version says "the" the other say "a".. I'm not sure how you took "The" and interpreted it as husband, but cool.

1 Corinthians 14:34: Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

1 Corinthians 11:7: Man is the glory of God, woman is the glory of man: For a man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

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Wow you had replied again. Well, you think it is okay for the OP to use the girl's religion to get her to sleep with him, I completely disagree. It doesn't matter how many times you try to justify that sort of manipulation; it doesn't matter how many different Bible versions you try to use against the girl either. In the end, the girl will either follow her religion (save sex for marriage), or be fooled by the manipulation ("submit" to the OP before he is her husband). Also I don't know why you keep quoting things about women staying quiet in church. They are completely irrelevant here, and repeating them doesn't make them relevant. It makes you look irrational.

The OP said the girl is "bossy" but at the same time, there is no other way for women to stay virgin besides staying locked up somewhere. Up to a century ago, society was different and even just asking a girl out randomly would've been unacceptable behaviour. But in today's society, only the very strong kinds of girls will stay virgins. Or girls who never had any guy approach them (but even 600-pounders get boyfriends so girls like that can't possibly exist.) One thing you can know for sure, is that any moderately attractive woman who manages to stay virgin nowadays, is used to standing up to people, male or female.

Imagine for a minute, what exactly it would take for a moderately attractive woman to remain a virgin in today's society. Would a girl who does what every boyfriend tells her, really be able to stay virgin? Obviously not. She would have to be tough and even be prepared to defend what she is doing, going so far as to educate the more persistent guys about it. She absolutely cannot cave into any argument a man presents, no matter how much it seems to make sense. Because she is following a clear-cut rule and he is pursuing what he currently desires. The girl must win (by sticking to the rule), and she will not win by being indecisive or weak.

Where did the OP ever say that he wanted to use her religion to get her to have sex? You are completely twisting OP's intentions because of your twisted mentality.
Women can stay virgins without being bossy. My sister is one of the nicest NON bossiest people yet is still a virgin. Not sure where you get the idea that you have to act bossy in order to be a virgin but you're wrong. She can be firm in her VIRGINITY yet not be bossy in other matters.

Interesting how you're attacking EddieFew's apparent mysoginist bent, yet your above (bolded) statement infers that there are far fewer quality women out there than men. I'm not tossing the baby out with the bath water, you make a few points that are solid, but let's call a spade a spade.