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Hi, this is my first post. I have been with my gf for three years now but we need to break up.
When we met I was at rock bottom and so was she.
My heart went out to her, I invested a lot of time into building her self confidence. Eventually I realised she was a mirror for my own problems, suddenly I was a new person. These days I'm driven and successful. But she never wanted to improve. She spends most of her time complaining and nothing I say helps. You can't help someone who won't help themselves.
While she really loves me, to her I'm a free ticket to lie in bed all day and watch reality tv because I will "make so much money in the future". She thinks this is called being a housewife. She isn't deppressed anymore but she still has all the shitty qualities that will make her that way if left to her own devices. About half our relationship was long distance and "we" (me) spent a lot of money to stay together. Sex is impossible because she discovered she has a genetic condition where she is super flexible, this makes sex too painful for her. She used to give me bj's but now she feels this is "too one sided" so now I'm desperately horny (with a lot of women I could go to).
Intellectually, I can see her as being dead weight I have to carry for the rest of my life. Emotionally, I am not being narcissitic when I say breaking up with her could ruin her life. She seems to be living off my energy, any progress she made she attaches to me. She sees us as dying together hand in hand in our 90's. She says if she hadn't met me she would have killed herself. Can you imagine having that hanging over your head??
I love her like family and the idea of telling her I don't want to be with her is like killing a puppy to me. It's like I built her up just to knock her down further. That's why I need her to think breaking up was her idea.
I'm trying to develop a system using body language, NLP, behaviour ecetera so that she feels like breaking up. This may even include building her confidence to feel like she could go and get better than me (the way I feel right now) appriceate any help you can offer and we should pass them to others in the same situation.
Oh my fucking god do you hear yourself speak(write)?
I myself am to some degree and will respect and empathetic person. It's humane to be so, but you are blowing this shit out of proportion to the point I puked in my mouth reading your post. Twice.
Caring for her is perfectly fine, but you're not caring, you're a caretaker. And keeping her in that protective little bubble of yours will only do her more harm than good in the future.
Go home and do what's right for you. Otherwise this shit will poison you. Break up with her today.
CHAT
