Dear brothers,

I will try to keep this short. Our relationship is complicated and somehow full of dramas.. It all started from my mistakes and inability to realize and change for the better

- together for 3years (I'm 33, she's 29)
- I have been quite lazy for the past one year and neglected her..
Eg. Addicted to drinking with friends and playing video games and always leaving her to sleep alone..
- she is always angry with me when I pay her not much attention..
- at the end of the relationship.. She's fed up with all the problems and my inability to realize my mistakes and finally we had a big fight and quarrel and we both decided to break up.. She actually wants marriage and I'm incapable for giving her that at the moment. (Quarrels have been frequent for the past 2months.)
- 2weeks of no contact from both parties. (Last contact was ended as "let's move on", with anger and hatre)
- I realized my mistakes in the relationship (neglecting her and paying enough attention on her)
- I have changed and determined to make a change to my life in a positive manner and quoted video games

Today I break no contact and send her a sincere apology text stating my mistakes and my realization and my determination to change for better. In the text, I didn't say things like..
"please come back to me, will you forgive me etc" nothing about begging too..

She read but didn't reply.

Look.. Now I realized and I want her back and determined to change for the better for myself and her.

What can I do next since I have send this apology?


Do I check in once a while with messages like, "I just passed by XXX and I thought of you and made me smile.. "
Or do I just give her space entirely and wait for her to reach out to me?

Thanks..
I'm not sure if this is the section to post..

Thank you
**ps** I suspect she has a new bf.. There r rumors about it..

She has a new boyfriend and you want to send an apology for your year of neglect? Terrible idea, just move on and change for the better don't just put it in a note and say you are going to change actually do it. Forget her and move on like she has.

You don't do either. Instead, improve yourself. If you're not active, get a workout routine. If you're not social, find some social activities to become apart of. Become more attractive to more women and if your ex becomes a part of that group of attracted women, decide what you want to do from there.

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Thank you for all the comments

As I mentioned, I had already apologized to her before I first post..

I am actually changing more for myself and of course, I want her back too if it's not too late.

The thing is.. To get her back.. Do I go all out? Or limited contact? Or just give her space? Since I have already send the apology message

Sending an ex gf an apology note is quite possibly the single worst thing a man can do if he wants to rekindle a relationship. It completely verifies all of her complaints and makes the man look like a dog with his tail between his legs.

Her biological clock is kicking in. Also, she wants marriage and children because all of her friends are getting married and it's socially frowned upon for a woman to be in her 30s and still not married. You couldn't provide that so she has moved on and you should too.

There is nothing you can do now to get her back. Please understand this. If you go all out it will push her further away. If you send her little romantic texts it will disgust her. If you give her space she will simply bond with her new boyfriend.

You have to focus entirely on yourself and try to forget her, no matter how long it takes. Get over her. If she contacts you ignore her. There's a reason you guys broke up and if you get back together it will eventually turn into the same shit, you playing video games and hanging out and her sitting at home alone.

_________________
You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Cut the shit dude.

You want her back because you're currently in your emotions and feeling the normal pangs that happen after a week or so of exiting a relationship. You begin to relapse like a drug addict thinking about "being alone" and/or all that could of been. She begins crystalized in your mind and you miss her. However, she is NOT I repeat she is NOT anything like the ideal you have in your mind of how things would be if you did this or that.

Second, if you ever want to break no contact with a girl you've been dating you CALL, she will pick up or call you back, because she can't handle not knowing what you wanted. You never text and reveal all of your cards. Leaving her to put in no investment if she doesn't want to because she knows completely where you stand.

Now you have to sit on your ass and wait. Any contact after this point with the exception of performing some risky "grand action" ( and I mean grand) will shred whatever is left of the emotional connection. You're simply not in the emotional space to do anything but be a repellant to her at this point. You're pushing too hard. And she will pull just as hard as you push.

Once you're in a space emotional in which you could take it or leave it, only then will she be responsive and only then will the grand action have some chance at working. I've seen them fail more than they worked, but i have seen them work. But you have to be WILLING in your gut to walk away. The more willing to walk you are, the least likely you'll have to.

_________________
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Even if it were possible, you're in no condition to do it just yet.

Plus sending that letter.. let's just say it wasn't a very smart thing to do. Focus on yourself for the upcoming period. And please don't absolutely crash and burn the first time she actually initiates with you, if at all.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
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The thread is dead, But i figured I should keep it updated for further advices.

Sorry if i am wuss for the following but I am trying to recover...

I messaged my ex last night, it has been 2 weeks i didn't contact her since the apology msg.

"Hi <Ex gf>, I know you need some space. I hope the best for your future. If there's any problem, you can let me know. All the best"

She replied and we had a chat on how's life etc etc.
Notable conversation

Ex: "Now you should have many girls whom you are talking to"
Me: " 1 or 2 of them."
Ex: "You mean 1 or 2 girls? Ok Maybe she will be the one that you want"

I didn't respond for 20mins although i am online on SPAM.

Ex: "Why aren't you sleeping?" <Its late night>
Ex: Are you playing games again?
Me: Nope, I am looking at another chat group
Ex: Hmmm or are you playing game now? Just tell me Hahahaha. No need to be scared of me now <In the past she always complain about my gaming habits.> <Honestly, I have quitted the gaming addiction>

Me: Haha Nope. Really. Its been 3 weeks the last I played games.
Ex: Really, thats great!
Me: Many things going on in life, playing game is wasting my time.
Ex: So finally you knew about it..

I was having a bad vibe that she's like the lecturer and I am a student.. Not a good feeling..

Me: When are you coming to <My country>? Your Heels are with me.

**She's currently another country working whom she's now together with her last Boyfriend. We once broken up for 3 months and she is working at another country <every work trip is 2months> and hooked up with this dude whom apparently loves her a lot. Now they are back together after our break up.. IMPORTANTLY, I found out through a friend and through some technology means. She is hiding the fact that she is with that guy now, I am sure she doesn't want me to know that she's already with this dude***

Ex: You wanna see me?
Me: Yes of course =)
Ex: If I am at <my country>, you will drive and meet me? For what?
Me: We can go cycling. You always love cycling, you can use my bike
<When we were together, I broke many promises when i want to bring her out for cycling>

Ex: You better keep that bike for your new girl. I dont dare to use
Me: Hahah Cute, no girl uses that new bike before (Am i screwing up?)
Ex: Its okay, Last time, I am supposed to go cycling, the beach and do many activities but I haven't had chance to do <Because of me>. Quite a poor thing for me
Me: Well. That's the regret I had. I know I dont have responsibility that time<of making empty promises on dates>
Ex: Like you always said, the past is the past. Good night, I'm sleepy. You can ask you daughter to contact me anytime. Kiss Kiss. Good night

15mins later

Me: Good Night Kisses

----Next day <Today>----
Ex: Ohhh! You sleep so late. 7:29am.

I didn't reply to that. Will you guys respond?

The thing is she's now seeing that dude, how do i go about doing this.. I do want her back.. But I know its just a knee jerk reaction... I know I am also keen to find other girls... But it really kills me to know that that dude is with her now..

I am thinking of not initiating contact... since she's with this new dude...

Confusions.. What will you do now if you want this ex back?

And should I just let her know that.. Actually I know that you are already together with that dude. Hmmm sounds like a sour grape... Sounds like I am affected and not cool...

He's probably fucking her eyes out right now. Let that sink in. Accept it and move on. You will not get her back.

I told you in my previous post to not crash and burn when you talk to her and that is exactly what you did.
. Really? is that who you want to be? the guy caretaking for her while she's getting fucked by some other guy? pathetic.

Sorry for the tough love. I get what you're going through. We've all been there. But you're effectively ignoring invaluable advice and shooting yourself in the leg, then coming back for more.

Move on with your life. The longer you linger the more you'll regret it later.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I understand.. Thank you.. I will move on and go complete NC no matter what..

Agree with the other posters and glad you have finally seen the light. Stay strong as I'm sure there will be moments of weakness. Best medicine is other women....hair of the dog:)

Updates,

She texted me this morning asking why am I awake so early.

I replied that I am going for a buffet lunch at a reputable hotel.

She replied :"wow! With your new girl?? So nice! Without me, your life is better hahaha"

I didn't respond. Looks like she's jealous.

What action will be the best? I am thinking of ignoring her reply and let her imagination play on her

Thank you

Bro.. are you fucking kidding? I've been trying to not comment on this post, thinking you would eventually come to your senses.

Stop asking for advice and then ignoring it. You are wasting everyone's time. Thats disrespectful.

The advice doesn't change because something new happened. I don't care if she showed up at your door in tears, begging you to be with her. The advice is still the same.

We don't need you to give us updates. We need you to listen.

_________________
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^This exactly, she is keeping you around until she sure the new guy is going to stick. Your the back up dude, who gets no sex and has meaningless texting conversations with the girl as soon as she gets done humping the other guy. If your ok with this then keep up the good work, if not you should probably listen to the advice you asked for.