I have a problem, or maybe I don't.

I've been dating the same woman for a little over a year. She's very smart and ambitious. Cute too, trustworthy, and very low drama. The thing is that she's pretty neurotic, in the sense that she's always worrying about something, and major themes are losing her "independence" and whether her husband will be enough of a team player that she can have a fulfilling career. She comes from a wealthy type-A family.

I was attracted to her by the fact that's very smart/kind and doesn't bore me. At first she was very skeptical of our relationship and made several attempts to break up with me. None of them succeeded. Now she says she's addicted to me. FWIW, I have an aggressive personality and she has a history of dating very passive guys.

She describes herself as a feminist and can make an articulate defense of her beliefs (which I don't buy, but whatever), but is very feminine in real life. It's more like an academic thing for her. But I'm thinking of walking away because of it. Politically, she is far more liberal than me and afraid to judge anyone, and can be politically sanctimonious. She wants kids a lot but also wants them planned perfectly and worries constantly about child-rearing schemes. I say over and over that you can't plan every part of life and all her need for controlling the future creates anxiety in the present. She admits this but can't stop worrying. Sometimes she talks about how the world is unfair to women and that she wants her job to be as important as her kids. I don't believe her for a second -- she hates her job and loves kids a ton, but it's a weird thing to say.

I think she was raised to think that being an independent career woman is a requirement for success but in her heart she loves giving herself over to me in every way. In typical female fashion, she loves having me order her around and constantly tease her, but them says she hates it. Still, the anxiety is wearing her out and at 30 she's already tired all the time. I'm not, and I feel like I need someone younger and more energetic. That will mean leaving behind a fitness-obsessed woman and who is also very loyal and not dramatic. I'm weighing the trade-offs but I think letting her find someone more accepting of her proclaimed independence is the better path.

I'm conflicted because her positive attributes have been so hard to find in other women.

PS We've all known crazy feminists who are out to ruin men's lives. That's not her. At all. She has shown me over and over that she really loves me, in her own way.

She really doesn't sound like a hardcore feminist to me. What she's doing is the good kind of feminism I'd say, actually... I mean, she's not messing with your life - she sounds like an independent woman who just wants her own life and career, but wants you in it as well... And loves you.

Sure she's a little neurotic and likes to plan.

Not sure how old you are, but you'll find out eventually -- absolutely everyone on this planet has baggage. There are no perfect women anywhere.

The 10 you saw at the coffee shop today or the 9.5 you saw walking down the street yesterday.... Wonderful looking women and maybe very nice and pleasant and loving as well -- but somewhere, someone is sick of their bullshit, and someone thinks they are bitches and undateable.

It's all about what you're willing to accept in a long-term relationship partner... And unfortunately we cannot tell you that

Having had very serious and very long term relationships, I can tell you that you also will be discovering shit you don't like and makes you uncomfortable 5, 10 years into the future about your partner and of course, people and situations change through the years. Try talking to some middle aged men about their experiences with women. The things some guys put up with.... It ain't so easy to walk away from someone when you hace children and significant investments together. There is a saying, hire slowly and fire quickly. It applies to relationships too. That HB10 will put on weight and wrinkle up on you quick. So all other things will matter a lot more in 15 years and 15 years ain't nothing when you are 40+.