| The Situation:
I'm just over 30 and this is the first relationship I've been in (combination of a repressed youth and playing the field for a few years after learning pickup!). I've been in a relationship with this girl for almost a year now, and I'm starting to have second thoughts.
About the Relationship:
Basically, the relationship is really good, in many ways I couldn't ask for better. This girl is really into me, very devoted, trustworthy, reliable, not into drama, we hardly ever fight - basically ideal girlfriend material. I feel a bit insecure and mistrustful about girls in general and she even ticks all the boxes in that respect - she brings me into all aspects of her life, I know all her friends, people she works with, she doesn't have any male orbiters or anything like that. She works evenings near where I live, and comes round every night after work. She invites me out on nights out with her friends. She's very happy to spend a lot of time with me overall. Looking at some of the fucked up stuff in other posts in the relationship section on here and hearing about other people's relationships, this stuff is golden.
The Problems:
Basically I'm worried I'm losing interest in her.
This girl is quite pretty (HB7) but a teensy bit chubby. In the early days, she gave me the impression that she was in the process of losing weight, showing me old photos where she was heavier, and saying things like her parents keep saying she's fading away - that made me feel confident she was heading in the right direction. Since then, I feel she's been getting worse with her eating habits, and is in slightly worse shape than when I met her. I'm a health and fitness freak, and some of it does rub off on her - she says the right things, and she does make an effort with her eating, but I'm not convinced she has the discipline to get to where I want her to be. Thinking about the future, slightly chubby older women just don't do it for me at all, but skinny ones are alright - I really worry about losing interest in her completely in the future.
Also, up until now, I've always lived for being single and playing the field. I had a sexually repressed upbringing and was a late starter, and was just getting into pickup when I met her. I was starting to enjoy myself and get better, but I feel I have a lot more to learn and improve, and a lot more singleness to enjoy. Part of me wants to keep improving my skills, experience new things, fuck hotter girls, and maybe find a better girl for a relationship later on. People compliment me on my looks and and I get checked out by hotter girls sometimes and it makes me feel I'm wasting my time/youth/looks. I was able to bury those thoughts in the early excitement of the relationship, but now it's really starting to get to me. I feel with my age I'm starting to run out of time to enjoy the single life to the maximum. I look at other girls and want to fuck them. Sometimes I feel like I want to fuck any half decent girl just for something different. The girl I'm with isn't *really* my physical type and since I've got into pickup, I've actually slept with relatively few girls who I'm really attracted to (ie. skinny girls). The thought of potentially *never again* fucking these types of girls (if the relationship lasts) scares me tbh. The thought of breaking up with my girlfriend and being single again excites me, tho it also scares me a bit.
Also, she wants kids sometime in the future and I'm not sure if I do - it's never really appealed to me.
But I don't know if I want to break up with her. Things are going so well. In many respects, as I described earlier, she's a great catch. She's so into me it's unreal - she says she thinks I'm the one. She says she's the happiest she's ever been because she's with me. I've met her family and she's always posting stuff about me on facebook, like photos and things we've been doing (with lots of hearts, etc.). I know if I broke up with her she would be seriously, seriously, heartbroken. I also hate to go back on my word. I feel guilty when she says she loves me and I say it back, because I have these doubts. I also feel I might miss the affection of a relationship if I become single again.
Conclusion:
Basically I don't know what to do. Can I really go on in a relationship when I'm constantly doubting/thinking about if I should be in it? Surely that's not going to change? How can I take it further (marriage, etc.) with those doubts? Am I going to regret missing out on the fun single times I could have had? Am I going to regret missing out on a great girl somewhere who ticks *all* the boxes instead of *almost* all the boxes? But could I regret ending a great relationship, which has so much right in it, and perhaps not find anything better in the future when I am ready for it? And I definitely would end up hurting her badly. Maybe there's a way to get rid of these doubts and go on in the relationship?
I know a lot of the points I've made above are a topic in their own right.
I really really need help on this - I don't know what to do. I don't expect you to tell me what to do - it's up to me to decide. But even if you have some thoughts / words of wisdom on some or all of my points, it will help me think better and make the best decision.
If you've made it all the way thru this, thank you so much! And I'd really love to hear from you, no matter how little you may have to say!
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CHAT