Hey, fascinated by the community here. I've always been into improving my game, and have made definite progress.

Anyway, looking for a quick bit of advice. Started dating a girl roughly 3 weeks ago. She goes home for a bit, and texts me in the middle of it saying she wants to slow down. I sent a couple not-insecure, but not-quality texts, got one-itis for a couple of days, and now I feel back on track. Pissed at my lack of emotional control though.

Anyway, she wanted to chat tonight, but I said I'm busy and let's grab a drink tomorrow night. From here on out, my game plan is: 1) agreeing that we should slow it down, and joking about her getting too clingy anyway; 2) raw confidence/aloof assurance; 3) being more unavailable to her.

We've had lots of great sex. I'm going to be a non-needy boss when we meet up, so I'm not worried about my behaviour. My only question is should I wait for her to indicate she wants to fuck, and just act like I don't give a fuck either way? Or should I confidently go for it? Looking to regain the power here.

Any advice is appreciated. Looking forward to learning more.

To clarify, dating means exclusive relationship here. Blonde 7.5. Going out to sarge tonight. This seems fine to me, because it's unclear whether or not we are exclusive now, and I'm coming out on top. I've always liked the phrase "running game," but I don't make the rules here.

Only one piece of advice you need. Don't do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to slow down, you don't slow down. If she refuses to get with your program, don't sweat it and go onto the next.

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just be chill, live in the moment and whatever happens happens. Use lots of kino and lead, but appear somewhat indifferent. May help to use a little push-pull too. God I wish I knew all this stuff at 18.

Thank you for your responses. I haven't read enough to know what lead means yet, but the kino comes pretty naturally to me, so I'm not worried about that. I'm sure she will be my fuck buddy (I forget the PUA acronym for this) if she isn't on board for the relationship, so I would rather preserve that constant sex than fully abandon. This is because I don't have other girls on the go right now. This is because I stopped running game when we started dating. Made out with a blonde 6.5 tonight. She clearly wanted more, but I just didn't care enough to fix the situation after she got mad that I forgot her name again.

How do you keep other girls--who you don't see unless you plan to meet up--interested while you are dating someone?

While I like the idea of you having her as a fuck buddy, I have a concern for you when you are settling for what the woman wants instead of what you want. It's not a mindset of developing the type of relationships that you want to have. If you want a fuck buddy, have it because that's what you want to have and not because that's the only choice she gave you to keep her around.

Just some food for thought.

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This should be stickied.

Nice JackZero.

What does slow it down mean?

Makes sense, JackZero. I think you're right, but I want to push back on your idea a bit. To me, it seems like demanding an exclusive relationship implies a bit of neediness, at some level. Initially, I had sent her a take it or leave it-styled response, but then I felt like I was overreacting, and not acting like a man with options. That being said, you're obviously advocating for approaching the take it or leave it strategy with a total willingness to let her go completely, which would seem to mitigate any implicit neediness.

Your suggested approach is the best in theory, I think. It's where I should be at. In reality, for me, given that I do not currently have other options, the benefit of maintaining a sexual relationship with her seems to outweigh the benefit of that complete willingness to let go. This is partially because I feel that I can apply this complete willingness to my game from this point forward, with everyone else.

I don't know if the standard practice around here is to take your advice and move the fuck on, but I think it's interesting to flesh these ideas out a bit.

JackZero: Do you think there is a middle ground here, where I can say let's take things slower, but if you choose to become involved with anyone but me, we're through?

Neo: I don't know what slow it down means, but I'm treating as an opportunity to become better, notwithstanding my hesitation to fully let go and accept JackZero's capable advice.

I fully agree with Jacks advice, but at least find out what she's talking about or what she means before choosing something. She could mean take it slow sexual, she could be that you two were spending too much time together and she needs to get stuff done, she could mean she wants to date around. Just communicate with her before you go strategic.

You obviously want exclusivity during her "slow down" process. Be straight with her about it. Don't text her or call her with that either. Look her in her eyes and tell her that you're fine with slowing down but if that means she's going out with other guys, you don't want to deal with that. Do not be afraid to lose her.

But you do need to find out what slow down means.

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Thanks, guys. I'll check back in after I've conquered this situation.

let's get a little more concrete here instead of dropping alpha theory which doesn't necessarily translate into usable, beneficial action.

first, OP your intuition that the "take it or leave it" response created a weak frame was correct. it's butthurt and predictable on the heels of her saying she needs to slow it down. the correct response is to text her "slow what down" (it's a question of course, but if you're texting it you omit the question mark to strengthen the quickness and offhandedness of the response), and then to proceed as though you're playfully confused as to why she thinks you two are exclusive, or that you're only after her and don't have other women literally all over you (all of which is implied in your tone and attitude, and never stated explicitly). then you reduce contact and make her chase you by freezing her out a bit and gaming other girls.
aka "i've been hanging out with another guy and i'm not sure which of you i like more, so i'm gonna string both of you along until the most alpha proves himself." this is almost always the case if you're getting a text like this. a girl who is absolutely crazy about you does not send this whatsoever.
well-played. you don't chat with chicks who want to slow things down. you meet to get drinks, you game them, you take them home and you bang them. then you kick them out because you are a busy fellow and they do not deserve "relationship" perks until they have proven themselves.
Ha! a bit?! you demand an exclusive relationship with a girl you've been dating for 3 weeks?! ludicrous. insane. doomed. worst of all, needy as fuck. always let the girl initiate the "i want to be in a relationship" communication.
think of how controlling and needy this sounds my good man. there is a middle ground, and you can do these things, but what you cannot do is say them to her. it's reverse psychology that you need. you need to be giving off a vibe that screams, "i don't give a fuck who you get involved with because i'm involved with a truckload of other women right now, and there's just no way i'm sacrificing this bad ass life i have to be your boyfriend." regardless of whether that's even the case, you need to emit that particular vibe. because right now her interest level in you is falling fast, so any sort of direct "take it or leave it" response is gonna push her away even further.
hmm, a text in the middle of an extended period where she hasn't seen him for a while is almost guaranteed to be serious and not just slowing down sex or anything light/easily repairable. and it's almost always another guy involved. ex-boyfriend, new crush, etc.. an outside chance perhaps that OP's getting too needy and turning her off i guess... not really though.

and asking her to explain herself so that you are forced to hear the brutal truth puts you in a weak frame imo. i'd just assume and act as though it's another guy or that OP is getting too needy and killing attraction prematurely. but generally it's another guy, to be honest. always been the case in my experience.

not sure i agree with jackzero's approach here. if you want a relationship with a woman, it's not really helpful for you to have a "take it or leave it" attitude this early. it's tantamount to you walking up to a woman in a bar and saying "marry me, right now. take it or leave it." well that's great. you're alpha and know what you want i guess... but no woman worth her salt is taking you up on that offer.

you have to attract her. make her chase you. be vague. be mysterious. fill her with doubt as to whether you even really like her. this is the way of the world. and 3 weeks is not nearly enough time for a girl to know she wants to exclusively date you and be your gf. if, by 3-4 months of exclusive fucking and dating, you're still in this spot, then yes you need to figure out what the fucking deal is.

but right now, here's what you do:

-reduce overall contact dramatically.
-make her habitually contact you first. be brief in response. be mysterious.
-(this is absolutely the most important and most failed step) maintain a positive, cheerful, cocky, sexual demeanor in all interactions. tease her. flirt with her. you don't hate her. you're just busy fucking other women.
-do not talk about deep or serious shit with her whatsoever. you're not her bf.
-game other women on the side. if you can, post photos of you and other women on social media.
-never mention a relationship or exclusivity again unless it is in response to her seeking it, in which case you respond playfully and affirmatively after deliberation. (e.g: so you wanna lock me away in your bedroom huh?)
everything but 1 buddy. don't even mention it. you don't have to have this "talk" everyone here is advising you to have. it kills literally all attraction. you haven't been married for 20 years for the love of god. just don't bring the shit up. if she brings it up, smirk at her and change the fucking subject. you have all the power in the world. she's not gonna keep hampering on it over and over. and if she does? get up and leave, because she's trying to break up with you anyways.

good luck, and please report back. if you wanna flesh things out some more that's cool. but this is the general gameplan i'd employ were i in your situation.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

jack why would he say he's fine with slowing down if he's not? isn't that going against what you initially said? besides, this is a surefire way to get ditched man. she's losing major interest to even suggest slowing it down, why on earth does she give one fuck if he leaves at this point? confronting her? laying down the two options? it's serious. it's uncomfortable. it's predictable. it's butthurt. it's everything a suave ladies' man never, ever does.

obviously OP messed up along the way to even get this chick to this point. but to then turn around and basically say "you're not really all that in to me but if you don't turn things around and get WAY in to me, and only me, i'm gone" will do so much more harm than good.

direct, serious, black and white... KILLS attraction. do this at your own peril.

there will come a time when you can ease up on all the game and be yourself.... but that time is 6 or 7 months down the line when she's begged you to be her boyfriend, told you she loves you, hints at marrying you and starting a family together.... that's when you're on your way. not 3 weeks in for the love of god.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

He doesn't know what slowing down means. So how does he know he's not okay with it?

But you miss my point. It's about his happiness. He should not be in a situation where he is not happy. I'm okay with giving her the two options because it's more than she's giving him.

Then again, I may not be a suave ladies' man...so maybe I'm wrong.
I don't understand your logic here. You tell him that he's in competition with another guy, but at the same time you tell him to cut down contact. This makes her decision easy. Spend time with the other guy.

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