In this thread I detailed the problems my now-ex and me had during the LTR from Octobre 2013 to Octobre 2014.

ltr-gf-jealous-of-my-ex-how-to-defuse-t ... 77089.html

TL;DR: She was jealous of my ex. I didn't get the importance and it spiralled out of control. The last straw came when she found out that I had posted our troubles in a pua-forum (not this one!).

She was completely upset that I had "her private life paraded in public" and even worse, a public she considers to be populated by misogynistic degenarates. This made her go ballistic and she sent me back my stuff the next day. It became even worse. She then dug up all of my postings (I do not post that many, so perhaps 100 postings over 5 years - she considers this to be excessive) and wrote me six or seven e-mails between 3 o' clock and 6 o'clock in the morning. She was clearly upset and cited this to be a dealbreaker.

I am a little bit at a loss here. Would posting in a PUA-Forum be really a deal breaker for a stable woman? I'd like to know if this is something I should never bring up. I see PUA as some kind of support group and don't understand the vitriolic hatred she feels towards the community and in extension towards me. I told her that it was less a violation of privacy than talking about our sex life with a friend of hers. But she didn't see that.

After a month of communicaion blackout we talked again and this - the PUA forum - was in her words what pushed her over the brink. The whole talk went over 8h and then we talked again - but when I tried to go out for a walk with her, I only received an icy "Thanks, but No" SMS. So I will now pursue other goals.

Might be true, might not be true taht the PUA was the final drop. I am still unsure if I want to be with her again (if possible) or if I dodged a bullet. But what do you think about this? Are women on average repulsed by PU-Forums? I consider the content here to be mature and considerate. And if you've got an idea how to handle this ex situation I'd also be grateful. As it is distracting me so much, that even work, sport and friends can't numb the knot in my guts.

Cheers

Monophthalmos

From your other post, I told you you were too messy. You can have rationalizations for shady stuff or hiding things but after a while a sensible person is going to just end it because it's too much.

PS- you refuse to see how women or just people in general think. Your ex wasn't jealous of your other ex. You hid seeing her and had been in 10 yr plus relationship with the first girl. Doesn't matter what the truth is, just what it looks like to the other person. Nothing wrong with writing on a forum. In fact, many girls I date, sleep with have relationships with see me posting and make jokes about "the forum." It's my thing, and I'll talk to girls about it or get another pov from them on something. If a girl is that against me posting on it, she'd be out. If she can't at least respect my choices or see my pt of view why would I waste my time with that person? Your problem was you did stuff and were dishonest about it.

I won't argue about the last part. This is in fact one thing I will keep in mind.

But my then gf knew I was seeing my ex (of 3.5 years, not 10) on many occasions (which I told her beforehand) and it made her jealous as hell. I hid the ex on two occasions - but because of the insane level of jealousy I had already experienced and because I felt emotionally blackmailed by my then gf. And yes, she blamed me for the ex-stuff, but during our latest talk it was primarily the PUA thing that came up.

Anyway, as my ex-ex is one of my closest friends - without any romantic desiree being involved - I couldn't sever ties with her to please another woman. I wouldn't sever with my best male friend either. But I will be upfront in the future.

Girls will attack anything that you are defensive about. Period. Next time she brings up the forum just own it. "It's an anonymous forum. It doesn't affect you in any way, so drop it." If you act sorry, she'll keep pounding on it.

I'd move on dude.

Here's the thing... You're 35 so the women you date around that age generally have been through some shit with guys. You may just see your ex as a friend but most women at that age are coming from multiple relationships where the guy said the same stuff and ended up going back with the ex or she found out he and the ex were fucking. You have a complication. It's a negative situation for most women. Heck most guys won't be ok with it. Maybe next girl you date, take a break from the world with your ex. Build something with them so when you introduce your ex you've built connection and trust. A woman may say I'm fine with you being friends with your ex in the beginning but it's gonna weigh on her if you start like that. Then she'll look for other things to doubt your honesty and bam... This happens. See your ex broke up with you so the assumption of the dynamic is that on some level you'll be the one who wants her. Her bf is fine with you guys hanging out because he knows she broke it off. Why aren't you and your ex together?

First point:
I was cheated on myself. It hasn't made me jealous. But I accept that other people may have drawn other conclusions. I was simply overwhelmed by the lack of trust and the insecurity regarding my commitment to our relationship. I will have to keep an eye on this as I often have felt that I am less scarred and bruised emotionally than other people of my age, which makes mecareless sometimes.

Second point:
Because one of the reasons I wasn't happy in the relationship with my ex-ex is still there. Due to various issues she's LD and this was something I suffered from as swx is an important part of showing affection to me and the lack of which made me bitter. I will not get back into this. We still do connect on many other levels.

Ld?

Low sex drive. She had an abusive childhood and only began confronting it during our relationship. Afaik her new bf still doesn't know all of it. Inever told my fresh-ex about it, because it wasn't her business to know such intimate shit about a friend of mine.

Re: A stigma attached to the pua community:

- A girl is lonely, she spots a cute guy. He notices her but pussies out and she goes home bored and alone.

- Across town, another girl is lonely, she also spots a cute guy. He notices her and is into "pua"/personal development so he knows how to go up to her and charm her and spark her interest. She has an exciting night out with him etc.

Doesn't sound too bad for a community that some simply don't understand.

Yeah, but her view of the community is more like "the sex lingo is repulsive, the people are repulsive and you (poor Monophthalmos) are repulsive to post in such a context). While I don't agree with many claims of PUAs, I have learnt a lot from the PUA community and I do not see how this can be constructed into a deal breaker. Perhaps it is BS on her part, but her mails were so acidic that it must have struck a nerve.

I visit pua sites to educate myself. I don't really think I would ever be with a guy who actually takes pua seriously. So if I saw him on a pua site, I'd assume he's on it for curiosity's sake or kicks. But then your girlfriend and I are different people. Obviously.

There is part of it I just considered. Most girls won't be ok knowing that you're getting advice from people to make a relationship work. She's prob thinking "wow, he has so many issues with us, whats the point." Your posts weren't really insulting about the girl, and I'd think that she would read the stuff about your ex and actually cut you some slack. But as I said, next time build something before getting the ex involved. It sucks and its not fair, but this ex friend thing is going to jeopardize your future relationships unless handled correctly the next time. Because trust me, if your ex's new bf had a prob with her being around you, she's put you to the backburner, so dont fuck your shit up for her.

In the other forum she got more flak than here. The glass flinging and her whole behaviour were seen as emotionally unstable and that I should run. I objected to this. But she has problems being criticized, she either reacts by lashing out or by brooding. As this was touching her daddy issues she was totally thrown off tracks. So I guess some of the vitriolic hate is to immunize herself from criticism or insight.
Definitely. I am a burnt child, now!

Double post.

All I had to read was your title and it is instantly an untrue statement. She broke up with you because of the way you REACTED when she confronted you about your post on the PUA forums.

A woman can not make a decision like ending a relationship unless she first gets confirmation from you that it is okay. She needs you to get emotional, because if you get emotional you validate to her that she must have some reason to feel the way she does. If you remain calm and relaxed she will begin to question whether or not she has any grounds to make such a decision.

So I just wanted to correct that; there was nothing wrong with you posting on the forum; where you fucked up was by the way you reacted to being discovered.

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