i am firmly of the belief that the best indicator of the health of a young relationship is frequency of sex. if both people are in their 20s, have normal libidos, and are suddenly not having sex at least 3 times a week, something's up, and it's generally that one party is losing sexual attraction.

i've been in an LTR with a younger woman for about 6 months now. we live in the same city but up until now i've been working and staying in a different city monday-wednesday. however, i recently purchased office space in the city i live in so i can fulfill my goal of living in this beautiful place longterm. a side effect of that means i'm no longer out of this girl's sight 3 days a week. add to this, the past month we've been spending the night with one another way more often than before, often going a couple weeks straight.

this is, of course, killing primal attraction. it was nice to make her wonder "what is he doing when he's out of town," and generally we would have tons of great sex wednesday-sunday. but ever since i started staying in town full time, sex has occurred with less frequency, culminating in us going an entire week without it this past week.

now a lot of you will say "it's just one week dude," and you're right. but in that week i must have made at least 15 sexual advances, all of which were turned down with either "i'm tired" or "i have to be at X in Y minutes." it became a noticeable routine of me making an advance and being turned down. i fought like hell to not make it an issue, as i know this makes women even less interested in it, but i did make the comment that i am a very sexual man and it's very difficult for me to go a week without having sex.

the question is how to turn things around? i want her initiating sex with me. i want her dressing up for me and being excited about it. thoughts on how to make this happen:

-stop initiating sex altogether until she initiates or brings it up. make sex my gift to her not vice versa.
-stop being as physical with her in general. only reciprocate physical contact, never initiate it.
-no more spending the night together all the damn time.
-flirt with other girls in front of her?
-show sexual interest in other pretty girls on tv and stuff?


any other thoughts?

(interestingly, all other aspects of the relationship are sky-high right now. if we just had more sex it would be an ideal relationship. that being said, if we only have sex 4 times in the month of november she's gone.)

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

went for it again, rejected again fml. we're just seeing each other too much, it's killing all the fire we had before.

we started making out and it was all good and then suddenly i could just feel the passion disappearing and she eventually stopped things. "let's get dinner," followed by "also i just started my period yesterday." (generally her period is right around the first of the month so this would be 4-5 days early if so, also that hasn't stopped us in the past.)

wow it's tough to maintain your frame when you're getting rejected 9/10 times and yet the drive keeps you trying. it's really tough to just refrain from initiating, but my pride is starting to kick in after this most recent turndown. i've never really understood why guys cheat in LTR's until now. generally i'm always having sex with my gf or at least getting head regularly so i'm satisfied and my eyes don't wander so much.

i'm gonna slowly phase out all touchy-feely stuff unless she initiates it, but not be an asshole about it whatsoever. very subtle. as for sex, not initiating sex whatsoever. if we go 2 weeks without sex she's out and no hard feelings (literally). let the gauntlet begin.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Talk to her about it. If you're already planning on kicking her out in 2 weeks, what's the difference. Relationships thrive on communication. Talk to her not in a butthurt way, but in a way of sort of, having the non-asshole nonverbal frame of "I'm a man and i expect certain things and if i don't get them from you there are literally millions of other girls who would LOVE a shot.' Not to say those words at all, but to have that be the attitude you have in the back of your mind if you decide to talk to her about it. Basically having that frame in the back of your mind would help you to not have a supplicative frame when talking to her about it; it would help you to maintain a dominant way of being. It's sort of like, you think to yourself, here's her shot to talk it out and work it out and if she can't or won't you're already planning on booting her to the curb anyway.

Testosterone gets a woman's libido high. Men naturally have higher testosterone than women. Average healthy men have 10 times more testosterone than women.

When a man kisses a woman, his testosterone gets transferred to the woman through his saliva. If a man successfully transferred enough testosterone to the woman via kissing, the woman feels horny. Her sex drive goes sky high.

I had this girlfriend once who liked kissing. But when she realized that I love to eat pussy and been eating lots of other pussies on the side, she no longer wanted to kiss me but always agreed being eaten and banged ad infinitum. This did not work out well in the long run since her sex drive went low. When I wanted to bang, she did not want to.

Point is, try to work on the easy basics like boosting up your testosterone and then try other solutions as well. Start with the simple ones and then progress to the more complex solutions.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

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thanks for the comments guys. interesting that neither of you mentioned this could be a sign of her losing interest. i definitely see a *heightened* interested in her part as far as wanting to be with me longterm, so i think the emotional connection is pretty strong on her end. but man we used to just text the craziest shit back and forth and have great sex for hours and now it's going downhill. guess that's just relationships. hopefully things will pick back up. i do believe i was getting predictable with making a move every night.

_________________
You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

See her less. Have other stuff going on

i actually ended up doing just this. i invited her over and said listen our relationship is awesome but our sex life sucks right now. i have a high sex drive and there's just no way i can stay monogamous if we're only having sex a few times a month. we don't have to bang for hours but there has to be something or it's not gonna work.

she was very receptive and understood. almost a little too understanding, like not really defensive at all or anything. she said she's felt like she's had a UTI for the past two weeks, has been really busy and stressed out about work and school and stuff (not sure i buy most of that but we did go buy cranberry juice for her on her request so if she's that dedicated to purchase shit to cover up something i'll at least be impressed...)

after the talk we had some pretty passionate sex. i focused on kissing a lot in the beginning and that did really get her in the mood. we'll see how things go from here. i'm still gonna back off on initiating physical contact with her, i've noticed that ever since i started doing that she is coming to me much more for it. the trick is to still give affection but only when she initiates.

_________________
You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.