cheated on my girl. Need help asap



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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 10:42 am 
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So last night I got drunk met a girl at the bar and took her to a hotel.
I have never cheated on previous girlfriends and now I am feeling guilty as hell.
I know I cant tell my girlfriend about this but I also cant keep it bottled up inside me.
I have no clue what to do now because I have never felt this way.
I love my girlfriend to death so please any advice will be much appreciated.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 11:23 am 
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Either she never finds out or you tell her. Now.
Either ways it is gonna be fucked up.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:44 pm 
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Well how long have you been with your GF? You've got posts on here dating back to May and June where you're 'gaming' someone... so it can't be that long.

Sure you two had agreed on exclusivity?

My advice would be: if you're positive you can keep the other bitch out of your life after the hotel affair (meaning she doesn't know how to find you - won't call you, won't text, doesn't have Facebook, your email, etc... and your girl won't ever discover this... Then you may want to consider sucking it up and not saying anything.

Mentally you could attribute your straying as a 'lapse in judgement in an early stage of the relationship'...

Probably wouldn't work for me, but it might work for you...

Hopefully you didn't pick up an STD or something... Bringing that into your relationship isn't cool - and she'll definitely find out, if that's the case.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 1:03 pm 
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Well how long have you been with your GF? You've got posts on here dating back to May and June where you're 'gaming' someone... so it can't be that long.

Sure you two had agreed on exclusivity?

My advice would be: if you're positive you can keep the other bitch out of your life after the hotel affair (meaning she doesn't know how to find you - won't call you, won't text, doesn't have Facebook, your email, etc... and your girl won't ever discover this... Then you may want to consider sucking it up and not saying anything.

Mentally you could attribute your straying as a 'lapse in judgement in an early stage of the relationship'...

Probably wouldn't work for me, but it might work for you...

Hopefully you didn't pick up an STD or something... Bringing that into your relationship isn't cool - and she'll definitely find out, if that's the case.
Thanks for your response.
I know her for about 6 months and the previous posts of mine were indeed about her.
I have put a lot of effort in winning her over and making it work and finally succeeded that's why I am mentally so fucked up right now because I cannot understand my own actions.
Blaming it on the alcohol is too easy but I guess it did play a part.
Now I feel like I have to do something to make up for it and I'm scared she will notice changes in my behavior.
I told that chick from last night I have a girlfriend so she does not contact me in any way. We didnt exchange anything.
But I guess you are right I will have to suck it up and learn from my mistakes.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 2:32 pm 
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If you decide not to tell her, then don't overcompensate...

By that I mean you need to be yourself. Don't go getting jealous of her or blaming her or cheating (projecting), and don't go buying her flowers every day cause you feel bad.

She'll notice a change in behavior.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 2:57 pm 
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Carry on as normal and act like nothing happened. I always go into every relationship assuming that the girl is constantly cheating on me, so this makes me feel less guilty when I cheat.

The worst thing you can do is admit you cheated. That would be like giving her the green light to suck as many dicks as she wants while you're at home doing the dishes. You're a man, you are just doing what all men are driven to do, spreading your seed. Don't feel guilty. I do it so much now that to me, cheating is no different from watching porn while your girlfriend is in bed and I think every guy has watched porn while they have a girlfriend.

Even if the girl you fucked is a psycho stalker and contacts your girlfriend, just ignore it and say you were rude to her when you spurned her advances and humiliated her by tooling her in front of her friends when you were drunk. Or you can say she's a crazy ass stalker ex girlfriend who is still hurting cuz you dumped her. This will make your girlfriend more protective of you and you can actually use it to your advantage to keep her interest level high. If she thinks there are other girls trying to steal you, she will work harder to keep hold of you. It's hard wired into the female psyche. She needs to fight off the other females to keep hold of her alpha dude.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 3:27 pm 
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Guilt is a valuable exercise from which you will learn and grow.

You tripped, and your dick fell in a girl. Big deal. You made the conscious choice, don't let it consume you.

Now don’t misunderstand me, we as men need to have a conscience. But you did something you were naturally compelled to do.

Reflecting on past behavior and learning from it is instructive. It solidified the notion you want to be monogamous to your girl.

Get over it.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 3:45 pm 
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You are not emotionally ready to settle down. That's all it says.
I consider your relationship with your gf over.
You need to go out and get more experience. Until you feel like saying "enough with dating" you are not ready to get into a committed relationship.

@HF That's a great mind set not to ever get too close to any woman. Do you ever feel emotionally fulfilled by your relationships or is it only sexual? just wondering...


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 4:05 pm 
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@HF That's a great mind set not to ever get too close to any woman. Do you ever feel emotionally fulfilled by your relationships or is it only sexual? just wondering...
I enjoy my women's company and of course the sex. I am picky when it comes to their personality though, so there is more to it than just sex. But to answer your question, I never look towards women to emotionally fulfil me. Women owe me nothing. The world owes me nothing. I'm never the guy that is always complaining and saying "but where's my slice of the cake?". Life is what you make it. If you're always looking at your partner to provide you with happiness, you will never be happy. This is why i rely on myself for emotional fulfilment, it comes from within, which in my case comes from songwriting, live performance and filmmaking.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 4:17 pm 
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That's all good that you are saying about fulfillment but if you don't get emotionally attached to anyone then you are only getting the physical part, thus you don't get yourself in a relationship.
I find this interesting because I noticed this pattern with men that were deeply hurt by a relationship.
I have talked with five different men that were thinking in a similar way like you and they had similar bad experience from their past.
Putting up a wall is not healing. It is prolonging the pain.
I've been through lots of pain too from bad relationships. I chose to see it as a learning experience but I haven't lost faith.
I think that if you lose faith you might meet someone that is worth your attention and lose the opportunity to live what you always wanted.
Think about it ;)


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 4:31 pm 
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Everyone thanks for the responses.

@Heywood you have made good rational points and I thank you for that. I am an idealist and your advice makes real sense to me.

@maria I am done dating quite some time and was looking to commit but I slipped. I will regret this for the rest of my life and will have to live with it but I cant put her through this. She doesnt deserve it.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:15 pm 
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What's done is done. But it sounds like this is going to eat you because you have a conscience (which is a good thing). You need to tell her A.S.A.P. I guarantee you'll feel a burden lifted from your shoulders. She might leave and she might work it out. You messed up but if you can be man enough and apologize you'll know you did the right thing (being honest). If you stay quiet about it you and I both know the guilt won't go away.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:10 pm 
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What's done is done. But it sounds like this is going to eat you because you have a conscience (which is a good thing). You need to tell her A.S.A.P. I guarantee you'll feel a burden lifted from your shoulders. She might leave and she might work it out. You messed up but if you can be man enough and apologize you'll know you did the right thing (being honest). If you stay quiet about it you and I both know the guilt won't go away.
This is bad advice and the quickest way to get your girlfriend to either dump you or cheat on you.

Learn to stop giving a fuck and treat this as a temporary lapse in judgement. Spoil her rotten next Christmas or birthday if you want to make it up to her.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:21 pm 
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What's done is done. But it sounds like this is going to eat you because you have a conscience (which is a good thing). You need to tell her A.S.A.P. I guarantee you'll feel a burden lifted from your shoulders. She might leave and she might work it out. You messed up but if you can be man enough and apologize you'll know you did the right thing (being honest). If you stay quiet about it you and I both know the guilt won't go away.
This is bad advice and the quickest way to get your girlfriend to either dump you or cheat on you.

Learn to stop giving a fuck and treat this as a temporary lapse in judgement. Spoil her rotten next Christmas or birthday if you want to make it up to her.
Don't say that this is a bad advice.
When i got cheated, and chose to keep him i didn't cheat on him.
After every cheating there are arguments. It doesn't matter if he'll say it or not.
He will either feel guilty and get distant and she'll get insecure (hence arguments) or he will get insecure and will get jealous easier (hence arguments).
But even if that won't happen he will always have that burden on his shoulders for as long as he stays with her. So at the end he will find a new girl sooner or later that makes him feel better because there won't be any guilt involve and he will move on.

What's the point then in hiding it?

If there is a chance for his relationship to survive for long time, it is through honesty and through mutual work to rebuild trust and evaluate what led to cheating.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:33 pm 
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Maybe thats why you are 32 and still single? You let a guy cheat on you and forgave him. So he thought "wow she let me get away with it, whats stopping me from doing it again?"

Sure if you have low self esteem you forgive a cheating partner and let them get away with it. But for people who respect themselves, they dont just forgive and move on. Most girls will never let you forget that you cheated on them and they forever bring it up during arguments to justify their unreasonable behaviour "Well you cheated on me so i can treat you however i like now"

If your behaviour doesnt change and she doesnt find out you cheated, nothing will happen. Confess your sins to a priest, confide in a friend, do whatever the fuck you have to do but DO NOT tell your girl. Nothing positive will come of it. Read the article below if you really think i'm that crazy:

http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top- ... eated.html


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