Hello all. I got into pickup years ago and have dated many girls looking for one to settle down with. I am 35 and in a 4 month relationship with a 37 yr old girl. We started slow and had sex on the 6th date. I really like this girl but...

Her and I have had some disputes and she will be moving out and leaving me in a couple days. She has been married and has a couple kids that do not live with us. Her x was the controlling and abusive type. She turned alcoholic, hates any controlling behavior, is terrified of the possibility of abuse, and doesn't want to answer to anyone.

Throughout our relationship she goes out to a bar drinking or drinks at home every night often breaking our plans. I pestered her through text about when she would get home or what she was doing and finally she had had enough. At that point she built a case against me of all the little things she don't like.

She says she's never had her own place and needs to, that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone, and that her and I will never work out. She has said that the sex is amazing and awesome since the beginning. But she wants to just be friends.

We still have some awesome sex and she's still affectionate but less than before. I dont contact her at all and have been keeping busy meeting with friends and working on the yard.

I want to either resume a relationship with her or at least keep her as a fuck buddy. My plan is no contact for awhile, improve myself, politely be too busy for awhile, then start over with her moving slow.

I would appreciate any experienced advice from this community.

Yikes!

Date other girls, get this one some help.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Sounds like she just wants sex. Do not pursue a relationship with her. Fuck buddy or nothing at all. The woman is clearly not relationship material.

And at 35 you are in the prime of your manhood. You should be dating girls in their 20's, not alcoholic 37 year olds with kids and emotional baggage.

Jesus, you're living together -- and she's moving out -- after 4 months?

You don't waste any time...

That may have hurt you here... you jumped right in. WAY too far in, way too fast.

I'm not saying it's your fault. If she's a drunk then that's certainly her problem, and wouldn't make her particularly easy to live with either.

Without knowing the context of your arguments (were they your fault or hers), I don't know that you really need to improve yourself here (it's a good idea to always be improving yourself, but she sounds like the problem here, not you).

Lol Thanks for the feedback.
I have been casually dating many girls since my last significant relationship 7 years ago. I know what I want and really like this one enough to keep her around and move too fast.

I plan on resuming dating other girls the day she moves out. But still, I want to retry this one.

I spent way too much time partying and using drugs up until a few years ago when I quit all that and got my own place and a stable job. But I am financially behind, damaged things and a low paying job
She had complained about that and not having a sense of much security from me. My self improvement plan is to get a new career. I'm fit and attractive but poor and bummed about it.

Are you sure the sex was good?

I feel bad for such people, I always back off and search for more interesting and intelligent girls, but I can't just leave without helping them.

Try to do your part of the talk. Tell her that you're worried about her and her drinking habits. As a 35 year old, I'm sure you'll know how to reach her heart.

I'd suggest you move out of her life. It seems like you only have this girl, so go out and meet other women.

Talking about her drinking would start another argument. I'm being cool til she moves out then nc. I do want to pick her up later if she quits drinking.

Any tips on this last day?

I'm 20 and right off the bat I need you to wake the fuck up cause she's an emotional mess. Recall to your old 20 year old self, would you seriously want to spend the rest of your life with this mess? I'd rather be single and be available.

You won't be able to date other girls successfully if your underlying plan is to retry with this girl.
This is why I don't bother with exclusive girlfriends. I get all the sex and affection, without the hassle of being the provider. Any woman more interested in your wallet is bad news. You should have expected this from an alcoholic mother.

You are suffering from severe one-itis. This girl has problems and this actually appeals to you. She is a damsel in distress and you want to protect her and save her, because it makes you feel heroic and important. You feel like you will get satisfaction if you "fix" her. The fact that you have a shitty job which makes you feel very unimportant gives this woman more importance in your life than she deserves.

The only problem here is you have low self esteem. You don't believe you can pull a hotter girl with no drama and no kids.

How much I like Hunter_Fox for his brutal honesty. Couldn't have said it better.
What exactly do you like about her so much? In these short posts there hasn't been a single positive thing except for good sex that you listed. Wake up, bro! You deserve better. It's not your fault that her ex was an abusive dipshit, and it's not your job to fix the damage that has been done to her. Schools of psychology and psychiatry exist for this reason.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Random question.... Her kids don't live with her and she's an alcoholic due to her ex? Sounds like bs. Court would give the kids to the mother especially if husband was abusive. My guess she's not fit to take care of her kids.

I feel you guys are mostly right. I'll give some more info and follow up what happens for anyone comparable to relate to.

This girl is hb7-8, very independent, motivated, experienced, very smart and easy to talk to. Totally not the average ditz. These are the qualities that keep me interested. I haven't tried to fix her but do pay attention and point out her issues. The older I get the harder it is to find girls without serious baggage that have those qualities.

She came over to my place last night and tells me that everyone told her not to come over. we danced, kissed, laid in the yard watching lightning, and had some savage sex. Through that time she reminded me that we are broken up. I just maintained sexual interest.

She tells me that we're at opposite ends of the goals spectrum and that's why we have to be apart. I say let's both work on our goals on our own and see what happens. She asked lots of questions that seem like she's trying to decide whether to resume after awhile or not. We parted this morning with kisses and good words.

I'll let you all know what happens...

This is the for keeping her.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Update:
I did no contact a few days... Went out sarging a few times and had some fun. As though she could sense it she called and wanted to visit a few... Which ended up being wine on the beach and her in my bed. She keeps contacting me and trying to plan romantic dates.

I haven't asked her about anything or told her I love her, and I make her wait before answering or replying. She asked me to write down why I had loved her. I wrote a few solid things about shared qualities, sealed it in an envelope and told her not to open it for a few days.

At this point I feel like she isn't worth my time, but it sure is nice to get some hot loving how I want conveniently. I'm going to keep searching and let that one fade. If she decides to change her evil ways I'll take her back but don't see that happening.

Women don't change, they pretend.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct