Hi all,

Been with girlfriend for 5 years. Met her when my game was on fire. Had a couple of amazing years, where I managed to keep the balance of good boyfriend, but also providing the excitement and unpredictability which kept the passion alive. I went to Afghanistan with the military and when I came back things weren't immediately different. Things were great for about 6 months, and then things began to be quite rocky.

About 2 years ago we started to argue alot more. She's really insecure, and our arguments were often caused by this. I've always been of the opinion that women are snakes with tits, and voiced that to her alot, although I wasn't insensitive and have always trusted her, maintaining that she is one of the 'rare few'. Thing have gotten so much worse during the past 12 months that we have had a couple of short break-ups, for about a week at a time.

She doesn't have a great social life, and doesn't go out much whereas I go out alot more often and have a slightly better, although not incredible social life. She has been faithful even during our short breaks, whereas I have always been in contact with other girls but never done anything with them. After our first break, I told her I had been contacting other women, and she got insanely horny and jelous, and we had amazing sex, where she told me that she wanted me to call them while I was f**king her. The second break we had was around last Christmas, and when we got back together, I told her I had met up with another girl, but not done anything, and she was really hurt by it.

Ever since, we have had sporadic periods of happy relationship, peppered with periods of arguing every few days, and a the relationship has come to a head with a huge argument a few days back. We are still talking, and trying to come to an agreement on our future. We have also only had sex about twice in the last 3 or 4 months, and it hasn't been great. When we talk, she is of the opinion that I need to be patient, not expect things to get better overnight, and shouldn't expect sex until we are much happier together, and I am of the opinion that a man has needs and mine aren't being met, and that she treats me like shit alot of the time lately, (talking disrespectfully, can be very controlling etc.).

I want to be with her, and she wants to be with me, but it isn't currently working and a bit of a stalemate has been created. She is open and honest that she finds it very hard to trust me, and believe I have always been faithful (annoying since I always have been). I'm not quite sure whether to just go super-patient, and just tell her what she wants to hear, play the nice, patient guy for a while and see if I start getting my normal, nice, horny girlfriend back, or whether that will just look like I'm being a bitch, and she will lose more respect for me.

First time in 5 years I'm not sure how to fix this mess, so if you're still reading; over to you guys!

First off, thank you for your service. That's really awesome.

Now, from your description, she is the most horny when she is jealous. But it seems like other times, she is just kind of there. So, you give one option and two possible results: bend to her will and she may like it, or she may walk all over you. When I put it like that, what do you choose? Will you take the passive role in your relationship and hope she comes around? Or take an active role and see if she follows?

Anyways, I hope you see my point. Women want men to be men. I'm sure you can understand that. I'm at a somewhat similar circumstance in my relationship right now, so I can understand what you're going through. I think you really just need to put your focus into yourself right now, improving yourself in every way you can. This might be the toughest thing to do, but do NOT let her moods or actions control the relationship, and mostly do NOT let her mood control yours. If you are constantly improving yourself (building muscle, learning a new skill, improving an old skill, etc.), then you have no need to put your self worth into her. If things don't improve (and this may be the hardest part), it's time to consider breaking up.

Thank you for the advice. I will take on board.

In the past 24 hrs the relationship has taken a nasty turn.

So yesterday we had a long phone call and made up, agreeing to both work on our failings. A few hours later, we had another phone call, and had an argument which flared up, because immediately I felt as though she was beginning her old habits (little brat, princess type attitude. Huffing and puffing when it's my turn to speak, deflecting my valid points, and highlighting my faults). She then began blaming me for beginning my old habits (speaking to her 'disrespectfully', swearing etc). A series of phone calls ensued over about the next 2 hours, where we argued, bickered, and debated until finally I was being lighthearted and just laughing, (by this point I had just given up on arguing because we were getting nowhere). She was crying and hated that I wasn't taking it as seriously as her (fake crying in my opinion). Anyway she hung up, and not wanting to seem petty, I tried calling back which she ignored. One of very few times in our relationship that I have called her back more than once, but I tried several times.

A little later on I stopped by her house, and went to see her. She told me to leave, didn't want to speak to me etc. But I said, well you remember what happened last time I came round and you shut me off. (I went and met another girl). When I said this, she began to get upset, and I walked off. As I got in my car, she called me and hastily apologized for not allowing me to talk in her house, and came out to my car. We had a heated exchange for about 10 minutes in my car, where I explained that it's NOT COOL for her to just ignore my calls all day etc, and that she has some making up to do. I also said that unless she sees the error of her ways now, then I'm gonna go meet some mates, and gonna go into town.

She slammed the door and walked off, and as she walked away she paused waiting for me to talk to her because I think she realized she shouldn't of walked away. Anyway, I drove off, and since my mates weren't around, I just went on a drive for a few hours to mull it over. I text her saying that I would call her at 9pm and if she didn't answer then, I would take the hint and wouldn't call again. Unfortunately I found myself busy doing something for my parents and couldn't call at 9pm, infact I didn't check my phone until midnight, when I say that she had text me at 10:49pm 'i hope u r ok'.

I text this morning saying that I couldn't call last night cos I was busy, but I won't bother calling again because I can take the hint. However today it's really bugging me, since I'm not sure where I stand. If she is done with us, then I will take it and move on, but her not speaking to me is outrageous because I don't know whether to consider myself single or not.

I can see I've fucked up by calling her so much, but whatever the outcome is, it's pissing me off not knowing. So now I have no idea whether I should:
-Disregard 5 years of relationship, and go into kill Beatrice mode
-Continue as though I am still in a relationship but ignore her and wait for her to contact me
-Go see her/ text her/ voice mail message her explaining the position I am in.

It sounds like you are telling her to apologize, and you go out to be with other girls/your friends. I understand you need to cool off, and she is at fault. But if you were in her shoes, it would seem shitty.

If I were in your shoes, and this may not be the best 'Game' and guys may disagree with me, but I would ask to talk face to face. I would also set the ground rule that the discussion can't get heated, if it does you will not discuss it.

It sounds like you keep throwing your options in her face. When you mention you go see other girls, her mind assumes the worst. You deployed for six months. You keep saying when you two are apart for a brief time you see other women. She assumes that you were with other women when deployed. To make it worse, for a woman, she may take it as emotional cheating.

You keep playing with fire, and can be burned.

I would agree with you doing you. But not with other women. You do not need to throw it back in her face, she knows it already. She clearly is letting her emotions get the best of her. As you can understand. So are you. If you want it to work out, letting the past die is the hardest thing to do, but in the current moment, letting it die is what I would do. Once you are both calm, I would ask her if she wants to make it work. If she does, tell her what you NEED from her to make it work. To trust you, to not assume the worst. Then, take control and sleep with her. Sex is not some chip for commerce. To me, both of you want it, both of you need it. If you are not sleeping with her, someone else will.

You have been in damage control for a LONG time. It may be too late to fix things honestly. If you want it to work, you need to be the man, set your boundary's, take what you need, and let her make her decision. The relationship will not work if you both live in fear.

As far as getting back in touch, I would plan to go out or just see her, and do something normal for you. Like nothing happened. Just bring up the subject calmly, and give the chance to discuss it. If you go into it trying to have the 'talk' she will bring her baggage with her. You do not want that, if either of you do that it will end bad.

For what it is worth, good luck.

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Oh I see the problem:

1. Don't tell your GIRLfriend that you believe GIRLs are "snakes with tits." Expressing low opinions of the opposite sex is not attractive. If I have to explain more on why, there's no hope for you.
2. If you're really trying to "fix this mess" then you wouldn't see other women during your short breaks. You can't have your cake and eat it too, at least not when it comes to a girl you genuinely care for, short break or not.
3. She is under no obligation to meet your "needs" as a man. If you think women don't have the same needs, you're wrong. If she's usually horny, but she has no desire now, there's something seriously fucked with your relationship and you should be concentrating on repairing it, not your "needs."
4. Using the past and past flings with other girls as a way of controlling her and making her concede to your views is manipulative and a shitty way to treat a significant other. That's for immature women and betas, not alpha males.
5. Bashing her for not automatically conceding your victory for points that YOU believe to be logical is close minded and selfish. You're living in a world where you're the main hero of the story and when you say things, they make sense. This is an illusion. She is the hero of her story, and when she says things, she believes they make sense too. The only way to circumvent this issue is to realize that everyone is in their own head, and they don't possess the same experiences and background to piece together your logic in the way you can when you think of something. Then, explain things calmly, listen more than you speak, and try to come to compromise.

Look, this might go against what you believe as an alpha male and a PUA, but long term relationships are not a game. This isn't sarging and she's not a target. If you try to settle down in a LTR based on a foundation of PUA tactics, it will fail and it will be a miserable experience for the most part. Game is about picking up woman, not bonding with them. Neil Strauss talks aout this using Mystery as an example in "The Game." After you demonstrated who you are, and that your capable of providing a woman with what she needs, if you decide she's worth keeping around, you'll need to open up. You need to be yourself, show her that you appreciate her and that she's not just around to meet your "needs." She's not your HB anymore, she's the other half of your being. She's just as important as you are, and your decisions and actions should benefit the both of you. You're at a critical point where PUA is now obsolete and artificial. It's time to be real. If the real you isn't capable of putting your selfish tendencies aside, then you're not ready for a LTR of this length. There's nothing wrong with that, but stop treating your girlfriend of 5 years like a HB, and stop asking for advice here. There's no cheat codes anymore. If you really love her or care about her, you'll give her what she needs, and with patience, she'll reciprocate. If you don't love her or care about her, let her move on, someone will treat her right, and you can keep gaming all the girls you want without the burdens that relationships come with.