Let me create some context. So my school offers an overseas exchange, and I invited this girl I liked to go on it with me. We both decided to go on the exchange and travel together afterwards. It has been one month now, and we never real hung out before the trip so it's like starting a very serious relationship right off the bat. We have seen each other almost everyday and now is where things are getting interesting, we have not had sex together yet, however we do fool around (fingering and kissing) and sleep in the same bed.

It has been tough escalation as she was always hardcore on the fact that she is not interested in a relationship, as she has been in them her whole life and just got out of an abusive one. First she was very hesitant to kiss me, but over time I was able to get over those barriers and get to the point where she gave me a blow job a week ago. Recently however I have noticed her becoming more distant and she has been talking to her fuck buddy on facebook alot. The other night we had a talk about what we were, and once again she was very firm on not having a relationship because she wants independence, and does not want to hurt me.

All this being said I know she is attracted to me, and even after that talk the next day I got her horney and was able to finger her. She stopped me after 10 minutes though, stating her body wanted it but her mind told her no. She is also insistent on not having sex as she believes it would change everything.

What should be my next move over the remaining month while we travel around together? Normally I would give her space to miss me, but we are stuck together. Good thing is no facebook, so no chatting to that other guy. Any advice on what I should do?

Go cold, no contact. Treat her as you would a friend. Have fun with other girls. Good luck!

I would normally go cold, however we are travelling together for the next month just me and her. I cannot be too cold without ruining the whole trip. Tricky situation indeed!

The fact that she has told you upfront "I don't want to hurt you" means you've been showing her needy signs. You pushed for the "what are we" talk and the worst thing is you havent even fucked her yet. HUGE schoolboy error. Never ever bring up the "what are we talk" always let the girl do it.

Let me tell you something, if you had never mentioned relationship talk and you'd simply escalated without any strings attached, you would've fucked her many times by now. The reason why "sex would change everything" in her eyes is because you've been so needy, she knows YOU couldn't handle just fucking her without falling in love with her.

The only way to save the situation is to say you want to casually date, no strings attached, open relationship. That's the only way you'll get sex out of her. Fucking other women would also help A LOT.

Start flirting with other girls in front of her... not super blatantly, but why not? She doesn't want a relationship with you... The jealousy may help you, and if it doesn't maybe you'll get luck with someone else.

I did not bring up the "what are we talk" she did, recently I have been very distant and it seems to be working. I will keep that going, it just sucks that I have to travel with her for the next month because I cannot really create any space. We have almost had sex a couple times so I will try tonight as we will both be pretty drunk.

"Not interested in a relationship"

Whatever the reason, when a girl says that take that as a cue to proceed status quo. In other words, keep on fucking her (square peg, square hole), and game other women, do NOT wait for her to have a change of mind. If it happens it happens, she'll let you know over time, if not then you haven't given yourself false hope.


Tell you a little story. My ex said that in the beginning (we met at the gym, began fucking and training together after a few weeks). She asked me one morning where I saw us heading. I had told her that I liked how things were going, and that we should let things flow organically. She laughed stating she saw no future in the relationship. Weeks later we got more and more intimate (we were already fucking like rabbits). I wanted more as things had escalated significantly. Weeks later I put my arm around her one day and she flung it off (violently), and stated we weren't a couple. I then told her how her behaviour was hurtful (humble, but genuine, it was how I was feeling), and said this wasn't going to work. I dropped her off at home, the next day she was begging me to not give up on her, and that she was just scared of losing her autonomy (foreshadowing - this actually happened and I was blamed for it). Whenever we fought, on several occasions, she had blamed me for 'forcing' her into a relationship - which I didn't.

Lesson learned. Save yourself a lot of drama and let the girl have this convo with you, OR if you are going to bring it up be pretty damn sure she's on the same page.

So I eventually did cross the line, just took her phone breaking and a lot of reinforcement that it would not change anything. Annoyingly however our trip is over now and she started messaging her fuck buddy again (we're back home now) so it may be hard for me to stay in my current position (had sex with her a week ago). Any sugestions on how to turn this into a friends with benefits type deal?

Usually it's a bad sign if a girl fucks you once then loses interest.

How would you rate your bedroom skills on a scale of 1 - 10?

We had sex three times in three days, then we had to travel back home so a lot of jet lag and sleeping. I have texted her occasionally over the past few days, no plans to meet yet were both busy. I'd say my bedroom skills are 7/10, I'd say from what she's told me about her past experiences.

So no advice, as an update I've started seeing other people and her interest definitely peaked.