Hey all, I'll try to keep this as short as possible. Broke up with ex around 7 months ago. On and off contact. In May, she left for a month to go "find herself" at her aunt's ranch in a different state. About a week before she left, she had told me we had to stop talking, and that we could be friends because she got a BF. First time we hang out as "friends", we have sex, and she subsequently breaks up with BF. We talked/face timed pretty regularly while she was in Texas and began hanging out more when she got back in the middle of June. No sex, but always acting like a couple when we were out together (making out, hand holding, sitting on lap, etc.). She would keep looking at my snapchat stories, and then text me about what I was doing.

July 2 - Long text telling me how she doesn't think it's a good idea that we hang out. That every time we get close to becoming more "intimate" a wall goes down and her head is flooded with thoughts of me with other girls post breakup. I tell her I understand, and we'll figure it out tomorrow.

July 3 - Out to eat/drinks, she just says she doesn't like that she feels that she is in "limbo" with us, and her not knowing what she wants. Invites me to see her favorite band play Saturday, but stresses it's a girls night out so I wont be her priority.

July 4 - I invite her to where I'm going, she says it's too far. Get another long text at like 10 saying she "doesn't see a future with us", doesn't think it's a good idea we talk anymore, etc. I tell her I'm not dealing with this now, see her tomorrow.

July 5 - I brought two girls to this band, one she knows and one she doesn't. She makes it a point to come dance with me, check up on me when I go outside, comes over and sits on my lap in front of my friends, etc. Then she gets upset when I told her that the two girls slept at my place(she asked). I first tell her I understand how she feels, but she's being dumb and knows nothing is going to happen(nothing did happen).

July 6 - She texts me still upset over it, conversation goes like this:
Her: Two drunk girls are sleeping down the hall from you...ya I'm totally going to be fine with that.
Me: You're kind of sexy when you're jealous and possessive.
Her: It's not even like that.
Me: What is it like then and what were/are you worried for?


That was like 10 hours ago, no response and I doubt she does. I somewhat feel bad for calling her out because I know girls don't like to be attacked like that, but I felt she deserved it. I have no idea what to do with her. Her words tell me to bail, but her keeping seeing me is what keeps me around. I'm fucking and dating other women, so it's not like the lack of sex is killing me with her, it's just preventing our relationship from taking the next step...HELP!

NEXT the bitch!

Why? She's trying to have her cake and eat it too. I don't have tolerance for that ambitious/mixed signal crap, and the more you play into it the more frequency it'll occur; this happens to A LOT of guys post breakup. You broke up, ok, and she's saying its not a good idea so you're perfectly entitled to do what you like without explanation. I don't really care how you frame it. Women also want a decisive guy, so if you're letting her change her mind willy nilly and you're moving in the dingy with her down the rapids, then you my friend are letting yourself get pulled off centre and she'll only learn to respect you less over time, if not already. And with this comes diminished attraction.

You aren't accountable to her anymore, and you need to keep this boundary with her. Friends? Ya please...you're still both attached; she's right you two shouldn't be talking (although I wouldn't hold her to keep the distance).

if you want more drama proceed. Otherwise, get out of Dodge and don't look back - unless she's ready to make a concerted attempt at a relationship of which again LEAVING HER is your only hope of that.

Don't respond to her, she'll come sniffing around and at that point tell her you'd done some thinking and think its best to have a lot of space for the next while, this isn't working. The longer you two keep in contact the longer your attachment will continue and the harder it'll be for you to get on with your life.

I understand what you're saying. I guess from my standpoint, I took me ignoring her indecisiveness and moving forward was me showing my decisiveness. She would pull this card every so often, but then always accept invitations and things would be great while we were together. I get that I've "trained" her almost to go through these lulls. I've had some people tell me that I haven't shown her that I'm serious about being exclusive with her, because I have been dating multiple women and sometime can take hours to get back to her and she knows why. So should I even tell her that she's right and that we need a lot of space? I feel like that is showing indecisiveness because I've told her what I want is her and if she doesn't want me then that's fine, but she's going to have to show me.

As I typed that, I realize how much of a pedastul I've put her on.

It's only DECISIVENESS when it comes from non-egoic energy. In other words, you feinged/faked being decisive to SHOW her, and that's being decisive out of the wrong energy (using it as a tactic to win-over someone).

You've delineated the pattern that keeps occurring "things are good again but get bad again", it is time to break that pattern. A + B = C, change a variable, get a different outcome. This is your chance.

And remember, you DO things for YOU. A decisive man, a truly decisive man does not pretend to be decisive to see if a girl wants him or not. Marinate over that one for a bit. You're already beginning to see the truth, don't be afraid to dig further, you've come this far.

I may be confused with the decisiveness and how it relates to "pretending". I'm not pretending to want to be exclusive with her, I do and I think I've made that quite clear to her. However, it goes to the whole "how long do I let this last." with her NOT committing exclusivity to me. For example, when we talked about it the other night she said she feels as if she's getting the "short end of the stick" because she works ridiculous hours, and rarely goes out while I have the opportunity and do go out quite a bit. I was immediately turned off by that, because that seemed to be clear cut "keeping you around".

You've been awesome by the way. Thank you so much.

Assuming you were clear and she's being wishy washy, being decisive in this instance is declaring to yourself its not worth the investment and moving on. MAKING that conscious decision and ACTUALLY moving on (and tell her, its the truth - and at least she won't need to wonder why you aren't being responsive to her if she does try to linger around).

Key distinction here is that you've already decided to move on, the wheels are in motion, you've only given her notice about this AFTER the fact. Now all your actions must follow which means not keeping in contact with her, not hanging at the same places you may run into each other, avoiding friends or having very strong boundaries with friends that are mutual or may see her, etc..etc..etc.. this will let you heal properly and allow you to reclaim the energy you expended on the relationship and invest it back into yourself AND to new people who enter your life so you can share with them the radiance, the presence you have glowing within.