Hey,

My gf of 3 years and I have had a good relationship - up and down and that but good.

I was out Saturday night and she was acting kinda weird in one of the clubs - looking for someone or something and wanted to go back to mine. I thought fine - we were going back home and this study buddy of hers from college texted her saying he was drunk.

It was like 12am in the morning so I was like "What's he doing texting you now" and took her phone. She acted fine like it was no big deal and started telling me he was texting her really funny stuff. I looked at the texts and turns out that the night before, when I had also picked her up they had bumped into each other in town.

The texts went something along the lines of

Him: fancy seeing you here
gf: yes thankfully I had my boobs tucked in
Him: cheeky, looking hot tonight!
gf: you to hot shot. Glad I was there to be your wingwomen
Him: Haha are you going clubbing? I'm just having a pint
gf: Na been drinking since 7 so going home. Take it easy make sure only to bring two girls back to your home otherwise they could start getting jelous of each other. You feel me
Him: You don't know me that well, cheeky

That was it - then he texted the next night. The dude looks like golem and has a gf already himself. I've met him once and seen him looking for my gf in our usual hangout which was creepy. Im cool with friends but there is a line. I acted cool as I could about it all but seriously Im pissed. She is in all his classes - they sit next to each other every day of the week and I barely see her 3 days a week because of study. Am I over reacting and should just chill about it and keep an eye out or is this a sign that it's time to get out. 4 months of uni left to go then shes out. I've waited 3 years but nothing like this has happening to my knowledge during that time.

How should I be dealing with this? right now I don't feel like seeing her because it reminds me that she broke our trust.

His looks are irrelevant.

Give her the benefit of the doubt, for now. She is being clear to him that her role in that relationship is to be his wingwoman.

Why'd you take her phone?

So the guy texted her something at 12am. I play the Mega Millions. Doesn't mean I'm going to fucking win, does it? Being jealous about it only increases his odds of winning the prize you fear he will.

If she cheats on you with Gollum, you never have to put up with her shit again. She struggles to meet someone as substantial as you as her sexual market value dwindles. She marries the best guy she can before her 30th birthday, which won't be that great, since great men screen for disrespectful behavior. You get to watch it all with a more attractive woman. You have nothing to lose here.

My grandmother would be appalled if she knew how I talk to my friends or girlfriend in private. My parents would be, too. Likewise, my gf would be aghast at the things I say to my friends or even to lady friends. We put on different hats when we talk to other people. It doesn't mean we are scheming or being duplicitous. I guarantee you: every woman has sent a text that, if read by her boyfriend, would piss him off. Why concern yourself with what it is?

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I see no flirting here. Maybe the guy tries to flirt with her, but also that's unclear to me. Your girl send him friendly responses, that's it.

The bigger problem: Why do you read her phone ? It's not cool.

When you get to met him ... tell him ... "Oh I heard a lot about you. I look forward to your next text!"
- The guy will be hesitant to flirt with your girl afterwards.

- But, other than that you should be fine. But, always be a type of guy that no other guy can compare to in your girls eyes!
- There is no need to be jealous/overreact ... remember at the end of the night she is going home with you.

Sincerely,

Donston

Cheers guys. All good advice. Ill let it play out and see what happens. They are still texting etc she is still talking about him... I'm acting normal though - it's not bothering me. She has more to lose from cheating than I do so will keep that in mind. I didn't check her phone sneakily - she showed it to me and showed me the texts about something else then I saw them and told her to stop. It sucks but will try to stop doing that. Holidays are coming soon so will keep you in the loop if anything develops.