Dated and lived with a beautiful sweet girl for 2 years and it recently just ended. I have very high confidence in a few things such as sports and sex but my biggest weakness is relationships. The old saying "fake it til you make it" comes back to bite me in the ass in every relationship ive had. I turn into a controlling asshole who complains and then demands compliance instead of being a secure male who earns that compliance through affection and mutual respect. My ego to NEVER let this beautiful woman one up me somehow ALWAYS edges its way back into my relationships and I become someone I didnt intend to be. Yes, I expect my woman to either a)Work b)Cook/Clean or a little bit of both depending on circumstance. So how do you gentleman with successfull LTR keep your ego and pride in check and keep the relationship healthy with a mutual respect for one another?

To give an example, heres what my recent ex sent me in a break up text.

"Well I have something to tell you..I dont think this is working between us. Im just not happy and I think you know that. Trust me ive thought alot about this and I just come to one conclusion that we cant be together. I know that you love me I really do.. I used to not believe this but sometimes love just isnt enough and I think you know it too. You need someone who can take care of you the way you want. And I dont wanna seem selfish but I want romance and sappy things that you dont like. And I know thats just who you are but its not what I want in the long run. You should be able to sacrifice your egotistical ways to make someone feel loved. This is my decision and I hope you can come terms with it as well"

I replied with "I understand. No need to explain yourself lol"

Thoughts on balancing control and compassion? Confidence and humility.

So you are complaining about whatever, while she is telling you she wants romance but you don't give it to her.

Well, it seems unfair on your side.

Fake it till you make it doesn't refer to relationships. If she asks you something and it's not something ridiculous you do it. Not because you want it, but because you care about her and respect her.

Since you two are different there will be things where your view is different and you have to go against your wishes sometimes. However you need to ask yourself whether the things she wants are reasonable.

But in your case she wants more romance and it's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask from a boyfriend. Even if you hate buying roses.

Lol.That shit is cold-blooded. Agree with AFC. My add'l take is that you seem damaged and need to assess where the controlling tendencies are coming from. It's a red flag that you mention trying to balance "control" with compassion. Never heard control really used in a relationship. Maybe more details are needed like what the rs was like and what you did/do

She has only 1 friend. She isnt very sociable. She doesnt party because she cant drink because of her medicine for epilepsy. She doesnt work because she goes to school 32 hours a week. When she had class monday through thursday she would want me there and be in tears begging me to stay if I tokd her I wanted to go see a freind or go see my oarents. But when I had to work weekends and fridays she would always go stay with her parents (every other week). I have a roomate in an exp3nsive city. Because of her moving in with me I had to pay an extra 300$ a month for her portion because she had no money and im not gonna make her drive 2 1/2 hours back and forth to home and schook where I live 15 minutes from her school. When she first moved in the terms were that she would get a part time job 10-15 hours a wrek to contribute. She had 1 interview and didnt get the job so after a month I told her it was fine I would take care of her but I expected and clean apartment and her to occasionally cook. She never cooked and when she did clean it was some half ass kinda shit. She wouldnt clean at all unless I would tell her. This made me grow resentful. Eventually I know I became naggy about it and frustrated to a point where she would say ILY and I would simply pretend I didnt hear it. I dont know if I was justified or not but the point is my ego would get me out of my frame (heaven knows she stroked my ego daiky, probably causing me to over value myself) to a point where I became cold.

even with this, we still had constant sex (she wanted it, id give it to her. I wanted it, shed give it to me) and went on a real date every couple of weeks.

Wow, totally different take now. To be honest, sounds like she's selfish and immature and you tried to accommodate her but she didn't do shit. I'd be frustrated too if I were paying $300 extra a month to make someone's life easier and they didn't even cook and clean. While maybe you did talk to her about it, there's only so much you can do if she didn't want to do it herself.

So, she's living by you for free, closer to her school and she dumps you because she wanted more romance? Man, I don't know why you didn't end things long ago and I don't see how your ego is even an issue here. If it were me, I'd be coming home frustrated too after paying more money in rent to come home to mess and no food. And I'd be less willing to do romantic things when she isn't pulling her weight.

Poor boundaries. This falls on you. If you're requesting her to do something but you have no backbone about it, why would she all of a sudden start respecting your needs? You're being soft.

^Thanks.

I think I became trapped because I was close to her family. In fact her cousin is my best friend and her family is constantly raving about how I'm a "keeper". I huge part of me just didnt want to dissapoint her family by kicking her out and essentially her not being able to graduate without my help. I had 2-3 moments where I told her to leave and she would beg and cry and tell me everything I wanted to hear and we would make up. In hindsight I would have been much better off sticking to my guns. Im a sucker for tears though, I always have been.

Hi sounds like you are dealing with serious issues of insecurity
I think allowing yourself to be more vulnerable, such as in the text you sent: show you understand what she has said and express your own feelings about it eg. "it wasn't easy to read)

if you want to talk about it PM me and we can arrange a SPAM.

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those who say it can't be done should get the fuck out the way of those doing it