Hi all, have been browsing the site for some time and decided to post.

This may be an unusual thread.

My gf (together 1.5years)(Long distance for A Month, she's coming back to my town in 3weeks time) and I have been in a situation where my interest level is much higher than her. It is quite obvious in various ways that I am into her more than she is into me.

In the past, she is very very much into me and love me with all her heart and being the sweetest girl ever... But things seems to have change this one month... Because in the past, I did smother her with insecurities and possessiveness..

Thus for the past 3 weeks, I have been trying to pull back some attention (while not being jealous/insecure/possessive) when I detect a lowering interest level from her side. She is now comfortable with meeting less and texting/contacting less and sometimes forgetting to return calls. I am not suspecting that she has someone else as we have common friends. I am also not smothering her with insecurity. <but maybe, from my tonality, I may covertly show that I am into her more>

Pulling back my attention takes a toll to my mental state... I have always want/text/meet her more; but i restrain myself from doing that to avoid showing too much interest.

<I do have many friends, and I hit the gym and I do have many activities in life> <she's 27, I'm 32>

After 3 weeks of push/pulling, I feel that I am STILL in one of her last priority in life. I felt stressed and I dropped a bomb on her...

I told her just now as below (AFC or not... oh well)
"I loved you, missed u and You are everything in my life and I really want to marry you and have a future with you. I understand you are always busy with your work and I don't want to disturb you. (She returned and said that she loves me a lot too)

But I wish to have 2 weeks apart (No contact) and sort out my mind, I am not seeing anyone else currently, I really love you too much and I am quite stressed up. I do not wish to smother you like before and I. I need space to sort out and be in contact with you 2 weeks later. However, if you think that you would like to stop this relationship, we can still be friends"

She was very shocked and asked why am I asking for space, am I seeing other girls, and I hope you dont regret making this decision. Afterwhich she said she has a bad headache and wants to put down the phone. She then text me saying that She hopes that I am honest and keep thinking that I have other girls in my life.. In which I replied this space is for myself and my mind.

She said she respect my decision and we will keep in contact 2 weeks later..


<This 2 weeks is for me to really sort out my mind... Not to play games.. I am already developing SERIOUS ONEitis and my mind is totally full of her although my outer action shows that I am pulling back>

The thing is... am I making a stupid move? and losing her forever? She is a great girl.

Any advice?? Opinions?

What you just did, in my opinion, is show her what kind of wuss you are, and can't deal having a good women in your life without worrying about fuckingit all up, thats why your mind is racing and cant stop thinking of her. You really have to work hard on your innergame. You did alot of damage by asking for space, she'll think wow he needs 2 weeks to get his mind together while nothing is going on? Wow how weak is he?

Damage is done, time to recover. Send her a text tomorrow, act normal.(Fuckyour 2 weekbullshit). If she brings it up, just say all is good, i was stressed about school(or work or we). Done. Thats it. Dont say another word about it even if she brings it up just make jokes and stuff but dont mention the break again, make her forget it. And just act normal, and in the meantime work on your innergame, read threads here about it. Dont even go acting like a girl again.

Act like your life is in your hands, and even if you fuckup and she leaves, she wasnt really for you anyway if she leaves over something easily. Also work on your interest, find a better hobby or chill more with friends, stop being clingy, its disgusting.

sorry if im harsh, I just speak what came to my mind when I read your post, good luck

A small background, she does occasionally go overseas for work (1month per work trip every 3months)

The first few trips, everything is going fine, she calls me all the time saying how much she misses me love me etc. Until recently a few months ago, she seems a bit more distant and I did talk to her about the decreased contact and the amount of contact that I would like to have (I guess it should come off as needy).
Things changed for the better a while and afterwhich, she became distant again. That's when I tried withdrawing more attention, letting her initiate contact more, but her initiation is not too much, she always just wants to talk for 5mins and claimed that she's busy again. 5mins per day is not okay for me (Needy mindset i know).

Updates

She texted me that she really loves me a lot and hope that my mind will calm down. She said she is not sure if she can go through this 2weeks but she will still try. She mentioned she is very sad and panicking..

2 hours later, she texted me again asking me whether can we still keep in contact? She will "do her best to contact me more, so that I will not suffer anymore"

Tricky situation and yet I don't know how to reply! I don't want to come across as an asshole, I do care for her feelings and really wish to keep in contact.

And yet, I feel that these 2weeks will be an opportunity to let me "sort out" my oneitis state while letting her miss me more.

Any suggestions? I haven't replied yet.

This is a shitty situation, one I think I can relate to. Distance is like a test for normal relationships, and in my experience it's typically the women who stray here. Presumably, the one who is more content in this relationship (the older ones, the ones with less options, etc) will miss the other more, as you've gotten in the habit of not going out and sarging. The girl is still doing all the things she usually does, while often several guys are chasing her and showing this attention. Without her boyfriend there to reassure the relationship, she begins weighing local options more heavily than normal. This is especially true after the "honeymoon phase" ends (typically 3-12 months) and you said your girl started acting more distant at this time.

Wizzy summed it up. Ive been doing PUA for a couple years now and the "break" idea came across my mind recently too. You want to test your girlfriends investment in the relationship. It is a wuss move though. Unfortunately, there really isn't much you CAN do, other than invest more in your life and decrease your own relationship investment. No amount of talking with her can fix it - in fact, I find the opposite is true unless she is the rare case of one of those women who is unusually direct with you. As I am in a similar situation (great relationship when close, turning sour during distance) I am curious as to how this has turned out for you. As she pulled away, either intentionally or due to her busy life, you became more needy and "smothered her with insecurities". You believe she is a desirable woman, and your actions are conveying she has more value than you. Once you've done this, I believe it's nigh impossible to recover. Some distance and lower interest is typical as your relationship moves out of the relationship stage. It is important that you realize this, and not fall into the trap of "I have to show her more attention/support/contact/gifts/etc" thinking you will spike her interest again. You only get one real interest spike with a woman, and that's when you first meet her.

Now she was alarmed, and keeps pushing at you if there is someone else. Regardless of whether someone else is in the picture, you have become what I call a "security blanket". Nobody wants to lose their security blanket. Nobody wants to be one, either. It is entirely possible that she is becoming more distant because she is moving on, and wanting to know if you're seeing someone else would relieve her the guilt of ending things with you in pursuit of someone new.

Instead of tests like this, I would suggest you set "rules" and goals for yourself. Just today, I felt my neediness spiking, so I told myself "I will not respond until she makes at least two attempts to contact me". You CANNOT BACK DOWN on this one. It is just a verbal agreement with yourself, and you might try to rationalize out of these, but the fact you came to this conclusion once does not mean it's okay to lose your cool when she comes to mind later. If you've set a good frame from the beginning, not hearing back from you right away should be normal behavior for you, and not raise any flags. Of course, I would also try and focus more on your own life, spend time doing (fun) things with your friends and family, and feel free to meet more women. Don't go on dates with them, or put yourself in situations to cheat, but keeping female friends reminds your girl you have options as well. In my opinion, this is a must. Demonstrate YOU ARE THE PRIZE.