Short background:
We are together for more than a year now
When we were dating she was the one begging to get into relationship with me for like 6 months until I agreed
We are both in uni

My GF checked my FB messages and found some silly stuff - but it was only stupid messages to my friend. Nothing serious.

However I was not happy that she don't respect my privacy and I told her Im gonna check yours now! So she was like I need to tell you something...there is this guy I was messaging to but only messaging.

So I checked the messages and surprise motherfucker. Little bitch was flirting with him for two months now. One message that I found interesting was:

Guy: "I though you are not interested in me"
My GF: "If I would not be interested in you why would I want to meet you silly"

...

Guy: "you owe me a kiss"

...

My GF: "Well it was you who canceled the dinner"

It was hurtful to read all the messages and I noticed that some messages doesn't make any sense so she either deleted some or they were txting on the phone or talking on the phone etc.

I asked her why she did it and she insists it was only for fun and joke and that they never met. Like I am never jealous even when she speaks with guys in clubs or dances with them it is that this shit she was keeping secret. So I obviously didnt fucking liked it...she start crying saying sorry and all the shit but I just said that I need some time to think about our relationship and left home.


And now I am confused...I still love her but all this shit just fucked up my head now and I don't know if she is telling me the truth or not. And even if she didn't met him the fact she was flirting like this behind my back...not respecting my privacy and checking on me when SHE IS THE ONE that is "cheating"...not cool man.

Or maybe I am just overreacting? Soo confused

Dude if I were you I would break up right away! Just read the messages she exchanged with the guy, and these are just a part of it. If you stay in this relationship, she WILL leave you when she thinks she has found something better... She declared that she was interested in the guy, and she didnt object when he demanded a kiss, what do you think would have happened if HE hadnt cancelled the dinner? I mean there is 0% resistance from her in the messages, and she has massive insecurity issues... She doesnt seem like relationship material bro.

Your choices are as follows:
1. Hold it over her head and make her chronically feel bad about it.
2. Breakup with her without, not today, not tomorrow, but NOW
3. Use this as an opportunity to engage in a conversation about the WHY - people seek fulfilment outside a relationship when a need(s) isn't being met using this as an opportunity to be present and grow stronger together

Figure out which one is the healthiest to do and accept that decision along w its consequences. Only you know.

Hi,

Have some of the same experience. Got suspicious about my girlfriend after she didn't get home after a party and started to check her fb-msg. I found msg from another guy who crossed the line for what I would normally accept. A lot of the msg didn't make any sense and there was surely something missing. It was just flirting and <3 but nothing about kissing/sex etc. A few days later the msg-thread at fb was deleted(??!!). I thought I was just getting paranoid.

BUT I was not!! A few weeks later i found a few letters from a guy in her purse and it broke my heart totally what I was reading, although it didn't say they had sex. But there was for sure feelings involved. When she got home I told her to sit down and tell me what the hell was going on... and then I got the truth and what she told me was worse than the experience of my father dying in front of me. You could say my world was torn apart in seconds, everything I believed in. Forever love.. bla bla bla bla.

Our situation is a bit more complicated than yours(?) with a kid, house +++ and somehow we are still together. We love each other and having so much fun SPAM!!! She is also making a effort to show me that she loves and gets really intence when I play a bit hard to get.

At the same time I know I am taking a BIG risk of being hurt again. Once a cheater, always a cheater, they say. I don't know if I ever going to trust her again, and thats just terrible feeling to have for someone you truly love. SPAM i checking her phone, computer etc. daily and thats just sick and a terrible thing to do.

Whats funny is that she did check MY fb-msg at the time she was cheating, just as she did with you. There is an expression for that.. to feel you know someone else based at the way you know yourself.

In your case I would leave her :/ She is showing her weakness really early in the relationship. What about in 2 - 5 - 10 years from now? Are you willing to let it happen again, for real? Like in my case...?

For once I (partly) agree with n2thevoid, the resident white knight... Please see bellow: This option is weak ass beta faggotry This is what you should do ASAP This option is weak ass beta faggotry with a sprinkle of white knighting

OP, she dumped you at least 2 months ago. Stop wasting time and thought on that pussy. There are plenty others all around you, mate.

Dump

Kick her to the curve man its obvious something went down, don't kill yourself always thinking about it and what she actually did,dump her and move on.

Personally, I'd forgive my gf (don't have one at the moment) for having a one night stand with a random guy while she is drunk, but I won't forgive her for hiding stuff.

Some things just happen by mistake. We are all humans and we always make mistakes. However, what she did was by all means not a mistake. She knew that this thing would put your relationship at risk, but she continued doing it and hiding it from you. As I believe, trust is the only thing that matters in relationships. Once this thread is cut once, it can't be tied back and you'll always keep questioning yourself of whether she's doing anything behind your back all the time.

I'd say break up and move on, but that's just my opinion.

Sounds like a bridge too far to me. You can be fairly certain that something somehow somewhere did happen.

Now I do wonder why she insisted on checking your messages if she is interested in someone else...

I believe that she was looking for something that would incriminate you, an excuse to leave you if you will. She was hoping to find a reason to leave you and run to this other chap.

Why would you tolerate that? I do not understand why there is even a question about what to do here.

Leave.

Well I packed her stuff went to hers and said that we are done.

She started crying and saying that she was only joking with her friend and some of the texts wasn't even sent by her. She said she loves me and wants to be with me and blah blah blah.

I thought for a bit and decided to trust her. I am sure nothing happened between them, the guy seems to be a chode anyway.

I asked her why did she checked my phone she said she used to feel insecure when I was going out often. But yeah she promised she won't flirt with guys. And I checked her FB messages properly looking for "key" words...it was the only guy she flirted.

Thanks guys for your advice anyways!

You'll probably end up regretting taking her back. But good luck to you.

This was not flirting and was closer to cheating if it hasn't gone that far already. Flirting is harmless jokes;your girl had intentions to meet up with this guy. Combined with the fact that she deleted messages I'm sure something happened and will eventually happen. A girl who does this can not be trusted and in the end she will cheat or will continue to. If your only sign that she may not have cheated is the guy is a chode then it's time to get a new gf. Good luck, but if you eventually marry this woman... Get a paternity test before signing a birth certificate.

You started out so well old boy!

It is a shame it was downhill from that moment on.

There is a need that you are not filling. same thing happened to me in my long distance relationship. its tough... it sucks... but you have to learn form it and better yourself.

Girls are terrible communicators as i have learned. rather then talk to YOU about what your not fulfilling, they just go and find it.

But she obv has some red flags that are just unhealthy. social media is brutal, get rid of it.

dump, next.

Gl
Duke