Me and my gf have been together for about 4 months now and I just found out something and it's been eating at me. I had a gut feeling about one of her male coworkers and it got the best of me so I looked through their Facebook chat messages. I know it was wrong to do that but I really just went with my gut. Anyways, backtrack 4 months and she was the one that asked me out. I go and pick her up and she comes out with that coworker and they had been drinking. It felt pretty disrespectful but I figured since she was the one that asked me out he was probably nothing. Today, I found out that they had made out either while they were drinking that night or the day after our date. Either way she was drunk when it happened. He had a gf at the time too.

I know that's not cheating on her part but it shows that she obviously can't respect other people's boundaries and can't control her shit when she's drunk. I know they hung out another time and smoked weed while we were still in the beginning stages of dating but I don't think anything happened. She still talks to him on Facebook and stuff but I don't think she's done anything scandalous since I set my boundaries about 3 months ago.

My question is if this is something I should just walk away from. She's kinda needy but I don't mind too much since we're both in college and I do enjoy spending time with her. Her interest level is really high and she started telling me she loved me this past week. She also says I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had and that I make her really happy. I believe her because I do make things pretty awesome for her. She also invests in the relationship a lot. I guess I'm concerned because it seems like she can't stay alone for too long. She's got emotional baggage and dadddy issues but generally seems like a "good girl." When she broke up with her ex bf of 9 months last year she immediately started dating again and then got into a relationship with another guy soon after that for awhile. After he graduated and stopped talking to her she started crushing on another guy she met at a party right before the end of summer and hung out with him a few times but he stopped talking to her too cause he also graduated (She told me this a month before we started dating when we were also coworkers. I don't work with her anymore though). And then obviously there was her current coworker which is my concern now and me at about the same time. I mean all this shit happened within a span of like a couple months.

Should I confront her about this? I obviously wouldn't bring up the fact that I looked through her messages but when I did relay my disapproval of her hanging out with that guy before our first date awhile ago she was kinda sketchy about it. Before we made things official I even asked her if she still talked to guys she hooked up with but she said no. I know I can't force her to stop talking to him because she'll just grow resentful after awhile and probably do it behind my back if she wanted to. I also know I can't force her to stop drinking because that's just stupid. Should I just move on?

Also want to point out that on our first date we did nothing but make out naked in a hot tub. No f-close but pretty close to it. I just figured it was cause she was wayy into me since we flirted a lot at work and she was still drunk. Didn't want to slut shame. She's also mentioned that I should thank him for getting her drunk that night as a joke. Just makes me wonder if she really is slutty since she kissed two guys in such a short time span. I'm the third guy she's actually had sex with though.

Absolutely nothing good will come out of you "confronting her." What do you think will come out of that? She made out with a guy when you two weren't officially together, who really cares? If you enjoy her company then keep in enjoying it and being a cool guy. Don't stress out about monogamy so much. Enjoy your life and be a chill, awesome, and cool guy.

Thanks for the response. I'm not that pissed that she made out with him. Like you said we weren't exclusive at all or even really began to date. I'm just wondering if I'm setting myself up to get hurt in the future because of her neediness and emotional baggage. Not to mention I now get worried whenever she drinks. It now concerns me how far she was willing to go with me on our first date and I've drank with her a few times since then. She's EXTREMELY touchy and can't seem to control herself that well. When I read her Facebook messages the guy even said that subtlety was not her strong suit.

And I wasn't planning on confronting her really. Just have a talk about it since I've noticed she acted kinda weird when I brought him up. Their recent convos havent really been flirty. Just her venting about work and sharing music. If i do end up talking to her about it would it be irrational to tell her I don't like her talking to or hanging out with him? I mean, I kinda see it as disrespectful if she does and I already feel a bit disrespected since she talks about him sometimes and I even gave him a ride a couple weeks ago. It shows me that she obviously didnt feel too bad about it even though she told him she regretted it since he had a gf. If she felt so bad, why smoke with him a couple weeks later and still talk to him? Obviously I could come off as beta but I'm in the mindset of not caring about losing her. Hell, I'm already seriously considering dumping her.

Do not dump. She's done nothing wrong. Since you made it official, she has stayed faithful.

Stop stalking. If you are suspicious and convinced she is cheating, it's better to show up on a night out and catch her in the act than stalk her Facebook. You are betraying her trust by hacking her Facebook. There's no excuse for that. How would you feel if she hacked yours?

I don't understand what you are saying...why would you get hurt because of her emotional baggage and neediness? You shouldn't be worried about getting hurt because it seems like you are young. Instead you should accept the fact that this relationship will probably end at some point and instead just enjoy it while it lasts.

What do you worry about when she drinks? That she's going to get horny and maybe make out with some guy? Yea it's possible. If you really want to be a superior man instead of worrying about how to catch her or whether she will or she won't...instead just don't worry about it at all. I know, it's revolutionary and goes against what 99% of men will tell you....but if you really want to be good with women and always have the upper hand in your relationships and be happy and not worry....then you have to learn that sexual jealousy, as powerful as it can be, is useless for your well being. Your first mistake was making this "official." Every time you do something like that the emotions you have now are the inevitable result, followed by you "confronting" or "talking" to her about it and then her doing something to "disrespect" you by violating your rules, followed by a messy breakup.

Break that cycle. Don't worry about what she's doing when she's not with you. What does her giving some guy a ride have anything to do with you let alone disrespect you? Get your own alternative women to hang out with.

You should also do a search on Madonna Whore complex since you are judging her for going far with you on the first date. You are "worried" because it shows she is horny and sexual and could also be that way independent of you. You know what? You are absolutely right! Women are horny, they love sex, and if you want to be good with women you have to love this about them instead of worrying about it or judging them for it. You are damn right that she doesn't feel too bad about making out with him - young women live in the moment - you can give her a bunch of rules for no reason that she bound to break - or you can have fun with her and not take the relationship too seriously.

I know it's hard because you already made it "official" and that's the point where the relationship becomes less fun and more about "rules" and "respect" so next time you meet a girl you like, don't ever be the one to make it "official." Frame yourself as a lover of women who doesn't judge them or make rules for them to follow, and they will love you for it.

All really good points. What I meant about getting hurt was that I've always read that neediness and inability to stay single for long are red flags in a relationship. I guess I'm just thinking too far ahead and fearing that if I ever get too busy for her, she will give in to someone who showers her with attention. Or something like that. Obviously I got inner game to work on.

As for the disrespect, I meant that I was the one to give him a ride when I picked her up from work. She also mentions him a lot and has even pointed out his gf to me. I never really gave much thought because she shares a lot about coworkers and such. Maybe its not disrespectful but I don't like it.

I know all the tips you gave me are true but its easier said then done. You've clearly got your inner game on lock while I'm still working on it. I have trust issues that came with all the affairs and divorce in my extended family and I'm also a traditional type person (monogamy, etc.) which doesn't help lol. I mean, it'll be hard for me to not worry if she decides to hang out with him again and drink or smoke. Since its already "official" aren't there times when I need to put my foot down on things I don't like? She obviously betrayed his girlfriends trust and she also lied to me about no longer talking to anyone she's ever hooked up with.

You're right.

It's only a red flag if she gas continued to hang out and talk to the Co worker. If she stopped... No big deal... If she hasn't then it's a sign you can't trust her.

Sounds like this chick suffers from the Love Bug. Constantly becoming enamoured by different men and driving them off with her affection? She needs help from a professional to sift through her issues.

I would ditch her. Sounds like a nut job.

Yeah they still talk but it seems mostly platonic. What I view as a red flag is like the previous poster mentioned, she always has to have a man in her life. Not to mention she can't handle her shit when drunk. Things have been going really good which makes this suck even more because I'm just trying to protect myself from possibly getting hurt in the future.

She does have a lot of issues. Depression/anxiety, daddy issues, sexual abuse. She sees a therapist and takes meds. Hasn't gone crazy on me or anything and I really want to help her and be there for her. This new development is kind of just too much though. Don't know whether I should talk about it and give her a chanceor just bail before I invest more time and money.

Shes depressed has daddy issues and has past history with sexual abuse? This is definitely going to work out.

Lol right? I suck at screening. Thing is she hides her depression well. She's extremely bubbly and happy all the time usually, especially when she's with me.

Anyways, unless someone has some other advice, I'm probably just gonna end things. It sucks because things are going well but im probably not ready to be in a relationship right now. I have no suspicios of her being shady right now but I get the feeling that if I ever gave her too less attention/affection, she would stray. My female cousin said the same thing. Also, she lied to me about not talking to any past hookups and she couldn't respect the guy's relationship with his gf. Most importantly, I don't trust her when she's drunk so that's that.

I understand where you're coming from and I agree and disagree. You don't trust her because you found out she lied to you and it sounds like she has issues. Sounds like you're stuck in a messed up situation where nothing has really happened but all signs point to things turning out badly down the line. Has she ever cheated on anyone? Sounds like she has told you alot about her relationships so do you think she has cheated in the past?

You should have SOME idea of the type of person she is. No psycho analysing her issues and what COULD happen.... can you trust HER? From how she is with YOU, do you have any thoughts that she has lied to you or would lie to you? How old are you and her, and what have your past rs been like? As you said, it seems like you're afraid of getting hurt so you MAY be seeing more into things. From what you know of her is she the type to get drunk and cheat? From what you know about her can you at least understand why she may have kept the co worker thing a secret?

This is a weird situation because you could be right and she could hurt you soon. Only you know this girl. If you can't trust her, don't be with her, but think about it first; whether she just can't be trusted or if her lifestyle makes it hard to. If you can't get bad thoughts out of your head about her, do whats best for you and leave.

I'm rambling because I'm confused here. From your posts and the way you flip flopped, some of this YOU. But, I don't believe in being in a relationship that makes you worry all the time. I guess my main pt is, you have trust issues so maybe it is best that you be with someone who is honest from the beginning and who doesn't go out and get drunk. Good luck.

Thanks a lot for your response. Before we became exclusive I asked if she had ever cheated and she said no. She's a sweet girl who's very family oriented which I like. She's also mentioned that if her husband ever cheated, she would leave even if there were children involved. These all made me think that she takes the topic very seriously and I really don't think she's the type to cheat. That said, she has mentioned that since she started working there last year, she's really broken out of her shell. Drinking, partying, things like that. She also met who she considers her best friend there and she's one of those overly sexual girls who thinks she's hot shit and tries too hard. Luckily they barely ever hang out since my gf lives off campus now. I really like most of her other friends.

She doesn't drink too often but like I said, I don't think I can trust her to drink alone. Also, she's really bubbly and friendly which is enhanced when she drinks. Before we started dating she would lick my arm and shit while we were joking around and she later revealed that she wasn't trying to flirt but that's just how weird she is. I can easily see guys misconstruing this and if her inhibitions are low, she might go along with it if she's even a little bit attracted.

I'm 21 and she's 20 so we're young as hell. I've never had any serious LTRs while she's had a lot. Like I said, it seems like she can never stay alone for long. I think she may have kept the coworker thing a secret because she didn't want me to think she was a slut? I don't mind so much that she was interested in multiple people at once but rather that she could let things get sexual with two guys so soon. I mean, we heavily flirted at work for weeks before so its not like i was some guy she just met the day before. Plus, that she would still talk to him and hang out with him even after she apologized to him for helping him cheat on his gf bothers me. When we had the boundaries talk, she even agreed that being drunk is not an excuse. And the fact that she pointed out his gf to me in one of my classes and talked about how nice she is also raises my eyebrows. She still mentions him from time to time about innocent stuff in our convos but obviously it now bothers me knowing what I know.

But you're right. A lot of it is me and my fear of getting hurt.

hahahaha this here post did it for me I'm finished!!! Dude

Come on you're 20 and worrying like you've just proposed to a nut job. Listen here, spare your money and go use it gaining experience you'll need when you do decide to get married someday you're gonna need it. Allow me to make this simple for you:

MOVE ON! Subconsciously you have decided that you don't trust this woman and whenever she drinks you're gonna worry!

Come on kid there's so much to experience out there! Go out and meet new women! you've found this site so use the skills here to achieve that! I wish I wasn't so "committed" during my youth days I regret not having fun! Always remember to condomize and stay sexually safe have fun fun fun fun fun!!!!!