So me and this HB9 that I've known for many years but was LJBF'd just recently tried to date after all this time. It was all good in the beginning, things went well and we were happy but no sex, just making out. I tried to push it but it never happened.

About 2 months in she flipped on me and told me that we weren't dating and I was not her boyfriend. I iced her for a weekend and she came back and apologized. Go back to regular. Still no sex.

2 months later I get another message from her saying she tried but we can never be more than friends. I iced her for a week but it just drove me mad. She was posting all kinds of stuff online that led me to believe she was with someone else. So in my breakdown I cracked and sent her a note expressing my feelings and why I think we could be more than friends. She finally responded and wanted to meet after waiting a few days. We did and agreed that we were going to try and date again and make it real. We even agreed to have sex. But it was weird. It was more of like a business thing because we didn't do it that day and agreed to do it a little later in the week. We talked about it leading up to it and it wasn't awkward. Anyway the day came and she flaked. And the next day too. And then finally just said she was feeling pressured and didn't want to do it, so I said no problem. We spent the next month together and went back to how it was. Hanging out all the time, happy, fun times and just making out.

After a great couple days together I get a message from her that she tried again but there is just nothing there. We talked and I kept my cool and just said wish it was different but nothing you can do. Back to misery.

After a couple days sent her another note like last time. Basically just explaining to her that there is nothing more than their friends because we've never been anything more than friends. We never actually dated in the past 6 months. We just hung out and kissed. To be in a relationship you need more than that. Went into it all. That was a couple days ago and still nothing.

I've been icing since then and will continue to. Once I get it off my chest I can go dark for months. I also have nexted her already. Already started banging this other HB10 and made HB9 aware that I was going to start seeing someone else. But the thing is I have no feelings for HB10 and never will. And It's not her, shes off the scale hot, smart, funny, good convo...but she's just not HB9. Everyone says I will get over it but I know I won't.

So basically how bad off am I with HB9? To give you a little background we went through this a couple years back and didn't talk for 6 months. Before that same thing a couple times with couple month breaks. But she's always the one that comes back to me and apologizes and wants to try again. I know I'm a crutch for when things go bad for her with other guys, but how do I change that next time around? I do way too much for her and always pay and all that shit. Total AFC. And I know the game and run it well on everyone else. But with her I never can. It's like I'm powerless. I always beat myself up and know I'm blowing it by acting like a bitch but can't stop it.

Any input or throughts would be splendid.

You answered your own question. Stop being a bitch.

In her eyes your a hot friend but thats it, so lets attempt to fix this. First, STOP CHASING her. Again, NEVER CHASE THIS WOMAN EVER!

Start by having less contact with her, your trying to break out of the friendzone here.

When you do interact with her be flirty and bring her into your frame, stop listening to her complain about other guys. She knows you like her, duh! Now brings this up in a cocky funny way.

Continue to date other women, have fun, and stop being so serious with her about dating. Make it a fun process rather... than setting up dates to talk about it, go do something fun and it will develop on its own (with your control of corse).

This is a massive case of Oneitis dude. I've had it. And I suppose lots of guys have too!
Keep going out, getting as many HB's as you care to do. There ARE other people out there, obviously that will be more compatible with you. Look up on these forums on how to get over Oneitis.
This thread might help; the-secret-to-getting-rid-of-one-itis-vt141619.html
Best of luck mate.

_________________
If You Want To Pick Up A Girl,

Keep Your Back Straight And Lift With Your Knees.

This I've has oneitis a couple of times though, it blows but if you talk to a lot of women it definitely helps.

Thanks for the help guys. I've still been going strong, no contact. It's just miserable all the time for me. Can't stop thinking about it. I try and convince myself that I should reach out but I always talk myself out of it. I've still been seeing other women and trying to find something for myself to do almost every night so she thinks I'm out there doing my thing. The truth is it is only getting worse for me though. The only thing that makes me feel any better is when I convince myself that I'll have another shot again soon.

What do you think is an appropriate time before I reach out to her? What should I say when I do? I was thinking maybe a happy holidays but I don't know. I was also considering something like "Just wanted to say I miss our time together. Hope all is well." Is that too AFC?

I'm in a rush to get back with her because it's so tough on me right now. But when I do I really want to treat it differently.

It's over. Convince yourself that you DON'T have another shot.

I'm still in No Contact with an ex with whom the break up was very tough for me. Trust me, it's been six weeks for me and I barely even think about her anymore, in the first two weeks it was hell. I wanted to contact her so bad! It ate away at me and I was miserable.

The secret is to not initiate NC purely as a tactic to achieve reconciliation, I knew from the start that there was basically a 1% chance of getting her back and I constantly reinforced this belief. A break up is an ending, not an interlude. I won't lie that there were times where I was really hoping that she would think of me, such as my birthday and the week off we had both booked to spend together, but she didn't contact, though realistically she did probably think about me.

I'm strict NC, I have absolutely no means of obtaining any information about her unless I remove her from my fb block list. This method has done wonders for me! I am genuinely dumbfounded by the progress I have made in comparison to how destitute I was such a short time ago. I have decided that I am not going to contact her for at least six months, and then only to get some jewellery back from her place that has sentimental value to me.

Keep going out sarging, at first I had no results and it compounded my misery, but stick with it. I finally had that insane night out last thursday and I got laid twice over the weekend. You will have a day when you pause and think "I haven't actually thought about her until now..."

I appreciate the input man. I truly do. And you're probably right. The only thing holding me back is that in the 5 years I've known her we have done this probably 10-12 times. And it's never gotten better. Why would she keep coming back if its "over" every time? It kills. I just want to give it a real chance.

Probably because she fears being alone and knows you're always there for her to fall back on.

One other thing that always irked me that I never knew how to deal with.

HB9 used to constantly say to me "Oh I'm sure you've already done that with one of your dates" or something else to insinuate that I was seeing other people. I was not. And I always tried to make this clear.

What's that about?