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Flaking is a form of immaturity. You could be part of the problem, but the onus is still on others.
It happens too often for me to feel like it's always them.
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Sometimes if you're too accomodating, people think its easier to just blow you off.
I might have that.
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If you're too overbearing or too dominating of a personality, they fear giving you rejection due to consequences.
I don't think overbearing or dominating is the right words. I feel like I come across as needy. Especially if they say maybe. I'll bug them for a yes or no. But I'm fine with no.
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In any event, when it happens, you need to decide if you're the problem, or if they are.
I definitely think I'm the problem. This happens with people I've know a while and people that I've just met.
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My best friend was REALLY bad this way. Part of it was me. I was too dominating and overbearing. I learned some things in life, and have moderated. Coincidentally, he was a confidant and as he became aware of my transitions, he's not a flaker at all anymore. If he has shit going on, or chooses to do something with the wife and kids versus an offer from me, he says so, and it's no problem. In our case, some of it was both of us. I think we've both matured a lot in the past couple of years.
It seems like the 2 of you are close enough to trust each other with the truth. I'm this way with a few people. But I can't seem to build that kind of closeness with most people.