Hi Guys,

So, i can admit that i'm a jealous person and even hard to trust someone after the last experience that i had with my ex ...

At the moment my gf she's working in a hotel and her workmates are mainly boys which this is making nervous all the time ... after i pick my gf from work and ask her how was her day at work she always start to talk about her workmates that they are all the time comment on her, asking her for fb and all this shit .. To be honest i dont know if she's doing this on purpose as she knows that i'm a jealous person however, this situation is making me nervous .. i feel really bad when i know that she has friends 'guys' ..

Can someone help me how to handle this situation and if someone did ever passed from such situation..

Thanks
Barbo

Epictetus said 'There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.'

This is absolutely true. You cannot control your girlfriend's behavior. If the will within her to cheat on you is powerful enough, and the opportunity arises, she will. You have no control over that

Whilst you cannot control your girlfriend's actions, you can influence them. Let me ask you this, what do you think is more likely to push your girlfriend to cheat on you; you being a cool, relaxed, unfazed, aloof boyfriend; or you being a needy, insecure, jealous beta?

One of these sets of behavior will decrease the odds she cheats on you, the other will increase them. What I will say is this, if you're a good, alpha boyfriend and she still cheats on you, she's done you a favor by showing you her true colors.

well, i'm trying to be relaxed and act cool but the thing is that from month to month there will be such parties which are organised by her workmates and i feel in a dilemma what shall i do in such situation .. in a way i want to act cool and relaxed so let her go for such parties (which the majority of the workmates are guys) and on the other hand i feel like to tell her that i'm not happy that she goes to these parties .. i know that they are her workmates and maybe its me who all the time thinking that bad things are going to happen and even in a certain way i cant control her .. but to be honest i have no idea how to handle this situations .. i feel such nervous that sometimes i cant even sleep .. what shall i do ?

The phenomenon of jealously is very interesting, you're worried because you're trying to protect your investment on your energy, your time, etc.

This is absolutely normal, however, girls are more likely to cheat on if you are a insecure, needy, weak and jealous man. Instead of being the man who's sure about his manliness, virtues, and it's comfortable in his own skin, this is attractive for women. This is more likely to make her remain loyal to you, with no chances of failure.

However, if you act like the opposite (Insecure, needy, weak and jealous) the girl is more likely to look for a man who's mentally strong, because this is what her brains asks her for.
So finally, the way you could control your jealously, is being sure about yourself, your manliness, and remaining calm to the situation, trusting that if you have chosen this one girl, is because you were sure she was cool and loyal. Not because she's someone that when you just leave the house she's gonna make 20 dudes come in, no. Control yourself, act like a mentally strong male.

Good luck.

This is a nice bit of text.

Totally agree here. If she's going to cheat on you there's not much you can do unless you control her but will that make both of you happy? Hell no unless you're sadistic.

You both have growing up to do. You need to not be so jealous and she needs to stop trying to prey on your jealousy for attention. The only control you have here is to move on and find someone who makes you happy.

Really, i've had a lot of girlfriends and I can tell you some women just aren't girlfriend quality. They suck at it, they're just terrible girlfriends just as some guys are terrible boyfriends but, at the same time, they can click with someone and be in a good relationship and it will work. I would say this chick just isn't for you. You'll know the type of woman you will get along with and not worry about the more exposed you are to various women in relationships. You'll know who to choose, who is worth it and who is not so get out there and enjoy yourself, get experience on the matter.

If you want to stay with her the only advice i'd give you is to just tell her you don't like it. Be flat out, tell her it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to feel that way, it just makes you feel like crap. If she reacts bad then you've got your answer: Dump her. If she's actually good then she'll understand and not do it. If she tries to get into an argument and you just level with her and say it's not what you want and think it best to break up she'll come back to you if she genuinely wants to be with you and no one else. If not then she ditches you and fucks some other guy. It's that simple at least you get your answer!

To the OP,

I was in a similar situation man, met this girl in a Club and she had some questionable male friends, some tried to hit on her and she liked the attention TBH. When we started going out, I started noticing it, at first I tried to pretend it didn't annoy me but to be honest it did. I wanted to break up with her a few times because I realised I wasn't happy with her behaviour so I pretty much sat down with her and talked to her about it.
I was like "Look, I dont like this and I think its inapropriate etc but ultimately its your decision and you can do what you want, just wanted to let you know that it bothers me"
Essentailly I just wanted her to know I didn't like certain actions etc but it was her call what she wanted to do.
If she continued doing what she was doing I would've dumped her tbh, no girl is worth that much mental anguish. But instead she changed and was actually really good from there on in. So in essence talking to them should help if they care about you and are willing to change to not loose you, if not the right choice is to let them go and find someone worthwhile, there are plenty out there.

Hope this helps.

What this guy said.

If she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat, not much you can do. But becoming beta and needy will increase the chances, trust me on that. I've lived it.

that quote , wow.

I completely agree, as hard as it is, you need to realise that the situation is out of your control. The downfall is if you investing yourself in something whilst knowing your intentions and having projection for the relationship and in return, having no certainty.

My take on this, is two things:
1. I was once given advice by someone, if your in a relationship give it everything. By this of course, I mean what can you put in that will benefit the other person and the relationship. Sometimes that means romantic gestures, whilst other times it means giving them some space and doing your own thing. Dont exhaust your relationship because you want fun all the time. Its hard, I know, but sometimes you need to back off and let the relationship run with a degree of uncertainty.

2. A girl I once dated was extremely clingy, although I liked her, she did not want me to be around anyone but her regardless of gender. While I hated her at the time and been like her at others. It truly made me appreciate, that as much as you feel for someone, as much as you want them to be a part of everything and know everything about them. You need to focus on your own self, what are your hobbies? what do you do just for yourself? If you become a person that is focused on yourself, you a) draw the respect of others b) don't lean on anyone for happiness. Let the relationship enhance your already great life rather being your life. That way if she does cheat on you, you still have yourself.