I don’t know what to do. This forum helped me to get my first ‘relationship’ and now I have lost what I worked so hard for.

I’ve never been in a relationship in my life, partly due to anxiety and partly because I have always focused on my career.

I’ve been dating this girl for ~3 months and it was going well. We slept together several times, a *lot* of cuddling kissing every time we see each other, and have been talking on the phone ~1 hour every day.. up until 2 weeks ago. About a month ago she moved an hour and a half away for school. The last time I visited her 2 weeks ago we got into a small argument and communication has dwindled since then . As a result I have gotten less flirty/challenging and much more clingy. Phone conversations the last 2 weeks became dry and short… she came to my town with her friend and we saw each other this weekend. Due to my change in mentality, I came off as much more nervous and unconfident. Then she ignored my calls several days after.. today I get a text saying she doesn’t see a future between us but asking to remain friends. I got her on the phone and remained cool… asked her why she changed me mind, said this was really going to hurt me deeply, but ended the convo telling her we need to cut off all communication now and never talk again.

I’ve never dated someone for longer than 2 weeks before so this is really hurting me. I just want someone to be happy with and every time I find someone I get burned like this. I’m smart, successful, good looking, but I’m too ‘nice’ and my anxiety problems cause me to get very clingy/needy over time. I’ve been trying this for a year and still nothing. I’m sick of losing and am this close |---| to thinking about suicide. I’m sick of not being good enough for an AVERAGE girl and am literally crying as I write this.

I need a pep talk. How can I not make this mistake with the next girl who I think is amazing when my anxiety gets in the way and screws everything up?

Did I take the right action to end this one? Or should I have left the door a crack for her to change her mind in the future?

>only 24. People want what we can't have. You have a career, so you want a relationship incredibly badly. When you finally have success(which you will) you will realize perhaps you were too young.

>Sounds like you need to find a way of managing your neediness. Find a new challenge, go do some bodybuilding or a martial art, rock climbing, anything.

>3 months, you will get over it, I promise you!

>Since you are fairly new to relationships, you did the right thing! Theory can teach you only so much, you need more practice.

Ill leave you with two quotes
" If you don't get what you want, you get experience"
"Anything worth having in this world doesn't come easy"-so pick yourself up and start again, and yes NC is the right way to go, either you move on, or she chases you, WIN WIN.

I hope you feel better.

You want a pep talk ? How's this for a pep talk ?


What the absolute fuck is wrong with you ?

You're smart , successful and good looking and you're thinking about suicide because you're struggling in some other department in life ? You might be smart ,but that's as stupid as stupid gets. Either you snap out of it or I snap you up.

Now , what happened in your relationship was inevitable. It turned long distance(LD) , and LD never works. Ever. Especially without a solid foundation which you most obviously cannot have within 3 months.


You already did better than most guys and broke it off with her. Which was the absolute best thing to do.

Start working on your anxiety problems. Make active and conscious efforts to overcome it.

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I'm 24, recently lost a relationship that I thought was finally going to amount to something, I have neediness and anxiety issues. Trust me when I say you're doing the right thing, go NC and STICK TO IT. My relationship ended three and a half weeks ago and yeah, there are still times when I think about her and times when I want to snoop and look at her profile or talk to her, but it lessens. It's got to a point in just three and a half weeks where she doesn't constantly occupy my thoughts and I no longer get the urge to contact her and I am capable of smiling, laughing and having a great time with my friends.

It's cheesy and cliché but you will get there. In three months NC you will be fine, trust me on that. Accept your emotions, accept that sometimes you will have dark and miserable thoughts and that it is okay to do so, but they are temporary and shall pass. You're unable to view the relationship objectively since it has been suddenly snatched from you.

Accept that sometimes you become needy and that it doesn't make you an unworthy, pathetic failure of a man. But you can learn to manage it and improve it, recognise when it's happening in the future. Focus on something and don't just go out and sarge like crazy, because imo you need to grieve and look after yourself, and don't beat yourself up for doing dumb things. Don't dig over your memories too much, don't think "I wish I could have done this/not done that/said this/not said that" because what has happened has happened and you can't change it.

"You don't get clean by rolling around in the dirt" - Kurt Vonnegut

I'm sorry to hear of your first relationship breaking up, I know that can hurt like hell!

in other news,
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

the fact that it has happened once means it will happen again

you should continue to work on your purpose in life and your self-esteem


I think you know what went wrong, you became weak and needy after the confrontation and stopped doing all the things that made her attacted to you in the first place


also, good breaking off contact, but instead of saying " we need to cut off all communication now and never talk again."
I recommend "let me know if you change your mind, I'd love to see you"

that leaves the door open for her to initiate contact if she gets to miss you while still saying you are not interested in being friends

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You should be more positive. Life is beautiful, you just have to face some obstacles now and then.

Long distance barely works. I've seen tons of long term relationships fail. It's normal. You still have a long way to go. Focus on something other than relationships. Try to get to know more girls and get laid more often. Focus on your career and occupy yourself with some activities. This will take your mind off thinking.

Soon you'll find a better girl, and you will definitely laugh at how ignorant you were in the past to think that this girl was perfect for you. There's always room for better.

The little two-week break-ups are always disappointing, you just had your first real break-up. Those are always hard but the thing is, it wasn't working for her. For whatever reason, this was the wrong timing for her and it's on her and not you.

With women, you can't squeeze too hard, you end up breaking them, they feel like a caged bird and eventually, when that cage door is open, they will fly away.

Bro, you're confident about work, you're successful, good-looking and probably have your own bachelor pad. You should be more than confident in your dating life. Showing a girl that you care is important, but showing her that you are your own person and self-reliant emotionally is good too. You need to find a good balance.

Take the risk of a relationship again, but keep some hobbies and be your own man. You don't lose who you are because you find someone, girls like a strong man that they can lean on but they like a man who's strong on his own too.

Cutting her off might be the first Alpha thing you've done in a while. Good for you. Don't reach out to her again.

Dude, think of it like this. You put in time and effort in your career, and it payed off with hard work. Now you started to put some time and effort in pick up, and you have had the longest relationship yet. You should be proud that you have made accomplishments. Your effort is paying of and the more you set yourself to learn the better a PUA you will become which means more girls, more choices, and more confidence.

Long distance doesn't work, that's why she broke up. Next relationship do not go in with big expectations. Have fun, keep your frame and see it as a learning experience. People fall in love by creating their own ideal perception of the girl they are dating. When a person has an emotional thought, even an argument in your head. The brain does not really differentiate those feelings from reality. So even though you have made up scenarios and thoughts in your mind, those feelings are just as real to the brain as if it actually happened. This is how people fall in love. They keep imaging doing things they want with their girl, imaging she saying what you want to hear, loving you and doing anything for you just how you want it and to your brain it's as if it actually happened and thus, your feeling grow stronger.

Same thing with depression. It's like a downward spiral, the more negative feelings you have the more negative you will be until being depressed becomes your comfort zone and you feel like you don't know anything else. With time it becomes harder to be positive and break away from it, that's why seeing the problem early and taking actions to change your emotional state will help you work towards a healthier and resourceful life. What helped me is Micheal Breen - Using NLP on yourself. There is a video specifically called internal voices and he demonstrates some techniques that are easy to use. Like if you keep hearing negative voice in your mind, imagine a dial tone as if from a stereo box dialed to volume 7/10. Now practice dialing that down low and the negative voice will be quieter. Another thing is you are feeling anxiety that is building up, fix your posture, get into a state where you will do whatever it takes to get what you want. A dominant state and tell that negative voice to SHUT THE FUCK UP. You will find that you regain control of yourself. With practice you will get better. Just practice more positive thinking and look forward to the girls you will meet and the confidence you will keep gaining.