Okay, first I feel like I may need to add a little insight to who I am. I'm 25, self-employed, very fit and handsome. I'm well educated and intelligent. I am super laid back and level headed. Since my divorce, in 2010, I've been with my fair share of women. I have always been pretty natural with women and very successful with landing really hot women. About a year and a half ago I gave up my man whore ways for a girl. That relationship ended after about 7 months when she moved for a job. Next up was a girl who I messed around with dating for a few months before she ended up moving 2000 miles away to finish her PhD. So flash forward this year. I have stayed single for the most part, focusing on what I wanted to do. I've still "dated" a dozen or so women and sowed my oats here and there but, I really haven't been looking for anything serious.

Two months ago I head over to a friends new place to check it out. I walk in and there she sits. My friends gorgeous roommate. I've been with some really hot women. But this girl is so perfect it's insane. Literally, HB11, Blonde hair, hazel eyes, 5'3" 110lbs, rockin' body, perfect skin, perfect teeth, easily as hot as any Maxim cover model. I run my normal routine. And finally about 4am I leave with her wearing my shirt because she wanted to sleep smelling me... She and I hit it off like no one I've ever seen. Since that night we've been inseparable. Here's the deal. It's not just her looks that are perfect. Her personality is enough to get drunk on. She is by far the coolest person I've ever met, man or woman. Instantly she was my best-friend.

One thing I should also add. She's 27, been in two serious relationships prior to her last. All three have lasted years. She's only slept with two guys, ever! She doesn't just date. Literally she has never dated. She is single till something profound happens and lands someone in her life. She is saving herself at this point for marriage. I'm actually cool with that part and have been a pretty good boy so far. We've fooled around, but no penetration. So... with all that said here I am, head over heals, in love with this sublime women. And she's in love with me. Everything up until the last week or so has been rainbows and unicorn farts. But now she's coming at me with hesitation. She and her ex, who were engaged, broke up a month before she and I met. She was miserable in the last 6 months of their relationship. So their spit wasn't much of a devastation. What it has done is make her reluctant to trust love. She may love me. She may think I hung the moon. But she thought those things about him and it didn't work out. She also hasn't had time to do the things she wants to do. Kind of reinvent herself, so to speak. Her ex was pretty overbearing and that pushed her into a fairly secluded lifestyle. I'm the exact opposite, which she loves and we do all sorts of stuff together. But she feels she needs time to find who she really is without anyone there to sway her direction.

Now this is where my issue lies. She tells me she's starting to think that we should take a step back. She thinks she needs to be single for a while... or at least not in a relationship. So last weekend I agreed to no relationship. Said we'd just hang out have fun and be best friends. Well nothing has actually changed. We're still seeing each other 3-4 nights a week, talk every day, kiss like school kids, hold hands, snuggle, sleep over, fool around ext. And the trouble is, neither of us can resist the urge to be affectionate with one another. It's so natural and perfect when we're together, I really can't see ever actually just hanging out as platonic friends.

Tonight I proposed we hang out, when she said she wanted a free night to do her girl stuff (nails, dye her hair, watch old episodes of friends, drink wine... ext). I told her that's cool and suggested we go out on a date tomorrow night. She agrees and says she can't wait. I then suggest she sleep over. This got a reply of "I don't think we should do that anymore" to which I replied "error 404. the person you are trying to reach doesn't want to hear that shit". So she texts me back "You can't just pretend that nothing is happening". This got us into a discussion of where we're going and what we're doing. She said the feeling isn't going away. She's tried to stifle it. But at some point we're going to be faced with a decision and the longer it goes on the harder it's going to make it. I'm totally in denial here, because on my end the relationship is perfect. Honestly on her end it is too. But she's got some serious issues to work though before she can take us seriously. She admits she doesn't want to be without me. She admits she doesn't know how we can even be in the same room without being affectionate. And I already told her, I'm not cool with being friend-zoned. She does think that there is a future with us. But at the moment she needs time to get over her break-up, find piece and it could take her months or longer to do so.

Now you have the details. Maybe you guys can tell me what I should do. Obviously I can't continue down this road or it will destroy us. I only see two real options here. I can either be her friend, and try to make a move later down the road. This will be a miserable battle of self-control. Or I can just drop all contact with her and hope she comes back. I already took a one week fast with her the beginning of this month (fast from one another. Meaning we tried to go a week without contact). She failed after four days without contact, she broke down and called me at like midnight. So I'm not sure what she would do if I did drop out of her life. Then there's me. I don't want to be without her in my life. I love this girl is such a way, I'd go to the court house tomorrow and sign a marriage license with her. This is the first girl ever I've thought about and liked the idea of having kids with. I'm beyond oneitis here. So no matter what. I'm going to be hurt. I guess I just want to take whichever plan of action will set me up best to rekindle this relationship later down the line once she gets past her road blocks.

Cliffs:
-I fell for a girl
-she fell for me
-everything was picture perfect.
-she is now realizing she never got over her last relationship and is having trouble moving forward
-what do I do to let her get over her emotional battle without throwing away the relationship?

I only read the bottom part but I thought I'd enter my opinion, because I was in that exact position. About a year into our relationship she had a dream of her ex, and it triggered the feelings she hadn't let go of.

She started isolating herself and was acting depressed. So I grabbed some alcohol and took her by the water, I let her speak her mind and I explained how silly holding on to the past was. She brought the unresolved problem to the surface and let go of it. Never rly heard her talk of her ex after that , and although it will dull what she's feeling I think they will always carry this burden on their hearts.

Later she was telling me how her friend was saying how manly that was of me. Just be there
and help guide her to the correct way of dealing with it. Don't act needy or desperate , but support her.

Keep your emotions in check.

Actually, I've already done that. All it did was make me understand. Didn't really seem to effect how she feels.

You know how to not get hurt? Stop caring so much. Seriously... Who cares? The great thing about girls is there are more of them...

You're self-employed but I'm sure at one point you worked for some type of company or major corporation... right? Put yourself in the CEO of that companies position. Say you have to fire someone... Or you just lost a great employee... No matter what... You know that everyone is replaceable. Don't get so down on yourself. Go get another girl. You will realize that she wasn't so "great" in the first place.

-Majik

Let's just keep this to how I can make this work long term. I've lost relationships before. I fully understand that there are other fish, life goes on, wounds heal and all that jazz.

I have a theory that when a super hot girl likes you and she's marriage material (ie low sex count, not slutty) we fall harder. Anyone agree? Think I read somewhere that their level of attractiveness makes you feel more in love but can't remember where. Notice no where is it described that the girl is funnier than other girls or sweeter than other girls but you know she's incredibly hot and not a slut.

Anyways, if after 2 months you're thinking marriage, it's not the girl it's more YOU. You do have one itis and if after 2 months your life of 25 years is defined by 2 months, what would happen if you got her? You would try to keep her and eventually lose her. She's right to take a step back, regardless of her just coming out of a relationship. I think that's what Magic was going for; if you care this much it's a bad thing. She is thinking like the CEO in Magick's example, because even though she things you're great, she realistically can assess her feelings and knows that this is how she has felt before. So while you may look at her as special and the love of your life, she obviously has felt this way before. You would marry her if you could. Is she on the same page? No, and when one person is on a different page it's a bad thing.

She is going to see you, feel great but then go back and think. She doesn't want to be with someone now; at least her mind keeps telling her she should be alone for a while. You're going to keep seeing her. Either she keeps seeing you and eventually something about what you have clicks as being special to her, and unlike her ex, or she stops to take some time to be single. The waiting game is tricky because if another guy falls in, he is in a better place when she heals to feel like something special. Sometimes the timing is just wrong.

I think you're probably right about that in your first paragraph. Although, personality makes a huge difference. Smart, funny, loving, loyal, level headed and adventurous... all those traits are attractive regardless of looks or lifestyle. Add in the other and you have a force to be reckoned.

Second paragraph. Probably right once again. But those are some pretty serious feelings I have. Not as easy as just flipping a switch. If I could just crank down the volume. I would. It'd sure make this an easier issue to deal with.

In your last paragraph; I want to know really what you think I should do though. I'm honestly not too afraid of someone else swooping in. She's not the kind to get chatted up or give out her number. And I know the social circle she runs around in. A bunch of hippy dudes and climbers. (I rock climb too, but I have good fashion and look like I bathe. They don't). What I don't want to do is keep on this path where she starts to shut me out. At the same time, I want to be her confidant. I want her to spend time with me. But not at the price of an eventual shut out. If I need to distance myself and shut her out to get her back later, I will.

Like I said, it's going to be hard no matter what I do. I've persevered some very rough struggles in my time. Patience is one of my good virtues. I'm just unsure if my presence or if my absence the correct choice.

You both seem pretty mature and level headed.

If she is telling you what she needs, which is time and space, then you should tell her what you need. It appears to me that this relationship is starting to harm you, not help you.

In my opinion, to save yourself long term suffering, you should tell her that you understand where she is coming from. You hate it, because of how you feel about her, but you understand it. Tell her it's very hard for you to enjoy your time spent with her, only to know she isn't ready to fully embrace the relationship and what it can be. If she expects you to give her space to get over her last relationship, she should understand you not being able to hang around waiting for her to get there.

Like Neo said, timing sometimes can be off. That said, I think there are some things you can do to make the timing right. That is, maturely tell her that you really want to be with her, but if she can't, you understand and that you will give her space. From that point on, it's soft next time. You need to protect yourself in the event that it really does take several months for her to reach a good place, she might be a great gal, but she is hurting you right now. Give her space to miss you. When she calls, be polite, considerate, and all the things that you are, but do not cave and give in and start calling her to see what's up. Give her more than the space she thinks she wants, and she may very well come to the conclusion that rather than be alone for several months, she knows she found another great guy to replace the last one, and she's foolish for letting it get away.

Ever heard the term careful what you wish for? Give her what she wishes for, and if she doesn't come back, realize that despite being a great gal, the timing wasn't right and you are better off.

I think I'm slowly seeing and excepting what I need to do. Tonight we're planning to go out on a date. On Sunday she is coming to church with me and then from there we're heading out to my parents property up in the mountains to hike, lounge around with my dog, shoot clay prodigious and BBQ out on the deck. It should be a really great, fun day. I think it will be the perfect note to leave off on. I will probably bid her farewell afterward.

What would be the best way to do that? Tell her after we leave, in person. Or would I be better to just start a "soft-next" by not contacting and being distant?

Thanks again for the replies thus far. It's really helping me see through my emotions a bit better.

Tough situation but I definitely wouldn't soft next her. Do you want to be remebered as the guy that stopped responding to her calls and texts? If your feeling she needs distance then I would tell her exactly that. I agree with the above poster about being mature and level headed, why change now? Talk to her about what you are thinking make a decision and then stick to it. GOOD LUCK

id take a vacation and disappear off the face of the earth for a week or 2. a holiday you've been 'planning for a while'.
this will give her the space she needs without verbally drawing attention to it (you've already sat her down and talked about it) and as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder - if you leave her behind in the right frame then she will be dying to see you again. and yes i did do this before, thats how i discovered it

good luck

_________________
If its got tits or wheels, it will give you nothing but trouble

I'm on my phone munching down some dinner so I'll elaborate later. I just wanted to say that the vacation idea isn't a possibility. She and I are really close. She knows my work schedule right now and the time constraints I'm under at the moment. She also knows the few vacations I've already made plans to make in the next few months. So really that may be a novel idea, it's just not a possibility.

This can go either way right now.

Options :

You may give her space, and that space may get her to miss you and come back and say she's ready, but those feelings of wanting to be single are going to still creep up down the line and this will reoccur. It's like if your gf doesnt like you anymore because you are too different or something. If another girl starts chasing you, your gf may get jealous and chase you to keep you, but eventually the original problem will come back and she'll leave. You don't (or shouldn't) want this girl to start dating you seriously. You should want her to get over her issues, get them out of her system so you can be with her without any lingering negative thoughts or doubts. What I'm saying is space may get her back, but it won't fix the problem. You don't want the pain of missing you to outweigh her doubts, because although that may get her running to you, the doubts will still be there. Eventually they'll pop back...maybe a month later...maybe 6 months later...maybe a year later. She'll wonder if she really wants to be with you or if she is just afraid of losing you.

You're really caught up with this girl, but sadly she's not on the same page. You see her as the one, but she doesn't feel the same way. You see her and being with her as the best you've ever felt with someone, but if she felt the same way, she would say "this feels different" and would continue with no problem. She is only the "one" if she feels the same way. She is basically telling you that even though she may be the love of your life, you aren't hers. It sucks, but take a step back for yourself and get over her. Because I've seen this play out before; things may work out great or in 1 year she could be married to some new dude who was the one for her.

Well, it's all moot now. I fucked up royally! Ended up wasted, in bed together, having sex. She freaked out mid way through and started balling. I tried to talk to her and get her settled down and apologize. But she grabbed her clothes and stormed out. She won't even talk to me now. I've tried calling and texting. No reply. Ugh. How did I let this happen?

Fuck!