I'll try to keep this short. Me and my ex-girlfriend of 4 months broke up 6 weeks ago. I didn't get any reason for the breakup. All she said was, "things felt different, things had changed" and then I left.

4 weeks after the breakup, I texted her casually and we texted back and forth a bit. I eventually asked her if she wanted to meet for a drink. She wasn’t responding for a while, so I sent another text saying, "I realize us breaking up was for the best but I feel like we didn't have an open discussion about it. I want a better understanding of where things went wrong. I'm starting to see someone new so I want to learn and not make the same mistakes. So let's talk in person or on the phone at the very least. We said we'd talk about it at some point but haven't."

I thought she'd say let's talk on the phone but she responded with "I know, and I'm sorry. I have terrible communication skills. That's fine though, let's meet up this week."

We met up yesterday for a few drinks. We talked and caught up. I acted happy and cheerful and didn't bring up the relationship. We paid for our drinks and we took a walk around the block. I made a move on her and we started making out. She was into it but then she pulled away.

I said, "Let's go back to my place." She refused and said, "I thought we were meeting to talk." I kept trying to pull her back and walk with me. She said she was leaving and going to take a bus home. But then when I crossed the street to leave her, she followed me. We ended up walking towards my house. We made it half way there. We kept making out, she'd pull away, make out more, pull away, etc. She was being difficult, so we eventually sat down in the park to talk about what went wrong.

She told me it was because when I was drunk one night at her party, I hit on and got another girl's number. I hardly remember it, it was just a drunken mistake. I didn't think she noticed but she did. Her friends also talked to her about it. She said that killed her attraction for me. She said, "I thought you were a nice guy who really liked me." She said she was still very attracted to me physically, but she was turned off of my personality after that. She never brought it up at the time because she wasn't even sure if we were exclusive since we had never talked about it. My understanding was that we were.

As we talked, we made out more and I even pulled down her shirt, sucked on her tits and fingered her. As I started to finger her, she seemed really into it but then stopped me and said she needed to go. As she wanted to leave, I held her there and kept trying to convince her to come back to my place. Looking back now, it was kind of pathetic. We talked more about how I've been dating other people but I'm not committed to anyone. She said she isn't seeing anyone but is happy to be single.

When I finally let her go and she walked and waited for the bus, I tried to catch up with her again. She saw me coming and just started walking away from me, so I gave up and went home.

I'm upset about it. I still want things to work out with her. She's better than this other girl I've been dating. It pisses me off that one little mistake ruined everything. She's a great girl and I really do like her. I thought about calling her or messaging her, and trying to work things out. Do you think I have a chance? Why wouldn't she just talk to me on the phone, or completely reject me when I made a move in person, if she is completely over me? I feel like there's something still there. I'm not used to this type of situation. Girls have left me in the past for acting "beta." This time, one stupid event ruined everything and I'm almost tempted to act beta and explain my feelings for her in attempt to get her back.

Let me know what you think.

Jordan,

Man. I just replied to your other post.

The answer for you is that you should not pursue your ex after this meetup. At least not now. You need to work on yourself. Find another chick, blow a nut in her a couple times, and THEN decide if and how you should pursue your ex. You've got oneitis, it happens, but you gotta get over it or it's gonna ruin your chances with her forever. You sound like a stalker man. Snap out of it. There are other women, many of them are hot, and cool, and like to fuck. Find some of them, and then decide if it's worth all the extra effort with an ex.

Clearly she is not over you, but you're not helping her stay that way. If you ask me, your best bet to get her back is to quit with the games and shit. Go straight to her house, tell her flat out you aren't over her, you hate that you screwed it all up, and that you want to make it right. And if she says no, then drop it, accept it, and leave. Realize that when women say no, they mean, no, not right now. That doesn't mean 6 months from now when you are doing well, looking good, and are high value that the answer is no then.

But you're killing yourself here man, and any value you thought you had.

^^^This, she broke up because you fucked up and she didn't say anything about it. Tell her you fucked up and want to make it right if she's into it fine, if not time to move on. Clearly some feelings are there but if she says she doesn't feel the same then leave with your dignity, don't ask why, don't tell her you love her etc. If she isn't into it just tell her sorry she doesn't feel the same and leave.

Thanks but I'm kind of confused. Your first and second paragraphs seem to contradict each other. You think I should be reaching out to her now or not? You're saying I'm a borderline stalker yet I should go right to her house? I guess you're just laying out my options. Both make sense. I know cutting the games and shit is my best option at this point, besides just moving on. I need to rebuild comfort. I'm not sure she's going to be interested in meeting up again. Showing up st her house seems creepy to me. Do I send her a message? Do I call her? This is my last ditch effort, then there's no option but to move on.

vhou812's advice is good.

Definitely do not do anything for a week. You came on way too strong and if you open up to her now, she'll think you're just saying that to get into her pants... Especially since you told her you're not looking for something serious.
Take a break, think about what you wanna say, go out hook up with someone else, whatever but do not contact her. This is vital, because of the "nothing serious" comment earlier you will look very unstable if you change your mind within such a short time.

After a while contact her again; tell her you're coming over in a few of days to talk. Let her know date and time, but not on the same day of course (that'd be too creepy). When you meet, open up to her and be absolutely honest.
Like vhou said, game time is over. Follow his advice - this is about a potential committed relationship which is what she wants and doesn't think you can give her.

Do you think going to her house is the best option though? What about sending a message through Facebook or telling her I want to speak on the phone?

I think you are way past phone calls and without a doubt beyond facebook messaging. Call her in a few days and tell her to meet up. Like the above poster said be honest, but not about the fake facebook profiles of course Time to have a serious conversation and see where you stand. GOOD LUCK

Thanks but considering what happened the other day when we met up (where I was entirely physical with her and tried to drag her home), I feel like she might be hesitant to meet up again. She might think I'm up to the same thing. So the phone might be the better option, as she'll be more willing to agree and hear me out.

In your boat, it's bad. Really bad. Part of the problem is that she thinks she's nothing special to you. Sometimes ya gotta do something to prove that isn't true.

I wouldn't call her. I wouldn't text her. I'd just knock on her door and ask her to talk. If need be, say it on her doorstep. If she slams the door in your face, then take the hint.

But, I still wouldn't make this advice my first choice. I'd try to game another chick and give it a few weeks first.

Thanks, I see what you mean. Actions speak louder than words, especially with women. But I thought calling her out of the blue would still speak volumes and not give off as much of a stalkerish/creepy vibe that suddenly showing up at her house would. I don't want to creep her out and scare her off completely. Doing that reminds me of something from a romantic comedy, and I've drilled into my head that those movies are unrealistic and men's actions in them are ineffective. Speaking on the phone would also allow me to read something if I wanted to actually prepare something to tell her.

I also thought about giving it more time but I'd rather get it over with if it is actually over, and then put it behind me. If I wait, she could also be with someone else by then, or she may think I'm just crawling back to her after things failed with other women. Lots to think about, but I'm probably just over thinking it. My mind is definitely in a rut

This is a serious question. Do you actually read the useful advice people give to you here, or just the one that validates your actions ?

Wouldn't I have to read a post to know whether it validates my actions? Think about what you're asking. Serious question: do you read over your posts before posting them to see if they actually make sense?

Everyone outside of this forum I've talked to thinks showing up at her house out of the blue uninvited is fucking nuts. It will put her on guard and on edge. That's completely crossing the line into stalker territory. I really can't see how that's a good idea. If you can explain why you think it'd be a great idea, go ahead. Calling makes more sense to me and others.

As of now, my plan is to call her and if she doesn't answer, then I'll send her a text saying "I have a few more things I want to say, let's talk on the phone briefly." I want to be completely honest and get it out there. If she ignores me, I'll send what I want to say through a Facebook message and move on. I'll tell her how I feel and leave it. It probably won't work out, at least not right away. Maybe later on, but I have to move on.

I don't get how that's such a terrible idea compared to showing up to her house unannounced.

haha

this is so useless.

i do not know where to even begin.

i had that before. she saw me talk to other women, and she broke up with me the same day. a boyfriend=husband should not talk to other women. husband is for providing for children, that’s it. husband, boyfriend, same thing. one leads to another. what did you expect she will say, that’s so nice that you got that woman’s number? haha