Hi guys, been lurking on here for ages and have found this to be a great source, thanks. Here's my question.

I've been dating a girl for a few months, we got really close really fast and it was really good for both of us. A few months into it though her life changed a bit and she started to go through a more difficult period and she didn't have as much time for the relationship. I didn't handle it so well and wasn't as understanding as I should have been, this pushed her away a quite a bit and our communication broke down, and after a few weeks of that I couldn't handle it and left. After a few days of thinking things through I was able to get a clearer picture of what happened, realised leaving was a mistake, and went back and tried to make amends. I left her at a really bad time when she was really depending on me, but she accepted it although things still weren't too good.

She started testing a lot, and I failed most of them, and went totally AFC (jealousy, neediness, anger), this went on for a month. A week ago we met up and it felt like the first real re-connect and conversation, but she did say she thinks we should have a break. She said lets see how things are in a couple months, and that she wouldn't date other people but that she thinks I should go and do so. At some point in the conversation I felt the AFC in me retreat and I went along with the idea of a break, while escalating things sexually at the same time to let her know I'm not going to be just her friend (the sex was always great).

We drink at the same bars and have bumped into each other since then, and are likely to do so on a near weekly basis. When we met at the bar she was curious as to who the girls I was with were, and I was getting a good vibe from her. I left the bar/club with my friends before she did, it ended on a bad note I suppose though, I told her it's cool if sees other people and I'm not going to get jealous even if she is making out with someone else in the club, she said that's not a nice thing to say and went back to her friends. I've texted and called once since and she took my call and answered my text right away.

My plan is to just continue meeting as many other women as possible and extend my social circle, keep a lid on the inner AFC, don't try to pull her back, and just let things happen casually. Maybe extend an occasional coffee/lunch invite. I've been going out a lot and have slept with 2 women since, and her friends have spotted me out at bars/clubs a couple times as well. I figure eventually we'll bump into each other when she's in the right mood and things will work out, but who knows. It was definitely a case of oneitis, but that's passed now and I still think I want something long term and permanent with her.

What do you guys think?

Shit man you answered your own question. You realized why things went wrong and your building higher value and have gotten out of the oneitis phase. But if your going to get something long term and permanent with her she needs to be the one to realize she wants you back, don't be needy and stress it, if she never talks about it again then you have your answer to what she wants to do.

Ok so since I last posted I've had no contact with the ex. I've gone out and met lots of girls, expanded the social circle, got a f-buddy, and have a couple girls I can arrange a first date with anytime. I wasn't really into any of them but it's been fun anyway.

Then a few days ago she called me, I thought maybe I shouldn't answer, but I did and we spoke for a while. She brought up a lot of the nice moments we had together. The next morning (Saturday) she called again, and we decided to meet for lunch. Found out she has a new boyfriend who lives in her building that she sees pretty much every day. Lunch took a long time and we went out for drinks afterwards and drank until the bar shut (11), at which point we went our separate ways. We both broke plans with other people to drink together.

Since then we've been texting during the day and talking every evening, the conversations get sexual fairly often, mostly initiated by her. She suggested we have dinner next saturday, and the place she suggested was a place that makes it pretty easy to get back to my house. We're having drinks in the area after dinner, we planned to get drunk together. She does mention her bf every so often, but only to say that he has become needy and jealous since she started talking to me. She said she wouldn't tolerate him speaking to his ex this much, but that she doesn't really care.

We don't speak about getting back together (except during that first lunch when I straight out said I'm willing), but we do talk about what a good thing we had going, and about how things went wrong. For the first time she admitted she was just as much to blame. We've labeled what we've got now as friendship with a bit of flexibility. Any ideas?

1. She will probably cheat on her bf if you allow it.
2. It will scar her, or rather, the aftermath will.
3. You have no idea how violent or peaceful her bf is. If you want to have sex with her at least make sure he doesn't own a shotgun.

I think it's good you've found ways to entertain yourself. Keep doing that. If she says her boyfriend is being jealous then you might want to point out that he has good reason for it, that she has no right to complain. She admitted as much. Don't let her get away with shit like that, it's not attractive.

Well we've continued to speak a lot. I don't think I would have slept with her while they were together, I don't want to create anything negative in her life, but now she's told me she's split up with the bf. Will have to see how it goes on Saturday.

Well after having spent a lot of time with her, even though it was great to start, I know now why I left her the first time, and was totally right in doing so. Wanting to get back with her was a mistake, but at least now I won't wonder if I let a good one get away. And I did learn a lot. One-itis is a dangerous thing