| Hello Gentlemen - Warning, Long Post
I always try to keep things short but these young chics are nightmares these days. I'll try to keep things as structured as possible.
Her:
23 year old Strip Club Bartender 5+years
HB10 Physically
HB9-9.5 with personality and baggage
Alcoholism, Depression and LSE
Me
33 year old Alpha
My Fiance has been living with me for almost a year now. A few months after she first moved in she was on nightshift and switched to days so we could spend more time together ( I was working normal hours at the time). Once she did that she started coming home drunk almost everyday Mon thru Friday.
It got to the point where she would pass out face down one step in the door or freak out in jealous rage if I wasn't home the second she walked in the door. She entered into a very serious depression spiral that I sense has certainly happened to her before. She completely let herself go. Not only that, her problems started transferring to me and I started drinking more than usual and things went down hill and got incredibly volatile. To the point that we've had to separate for few. We've destroyed eachothers things unfortunately, alot. For some reason when someone messes with my shit and I can't just kick their ass, I assumed my reaction of messing with theirs in return would sink in but of course, it didn't...I'm implementing non reactive principles with all women going forward.
She almost completely beta'ed my ass during this time I was trying so hard just to keep my own head sane. I didn't want to kick her a$$ out and was hoping things would get better.
I started getting jealous, paranoid and all types of dumb shit because of her mind games. This chic tried to ban me from going to strip clubs and keeps tabs on me because she's paranoid I'll pull a stripper or something. We met while she was serving at her work.
Digressing - Currently she's been staying with some weird older guy with a disturbing amount of plastic surgery. She had to leave because things just kept getting physical between us. This chic would come home drunk, throw, slam things, hit me etc. I won't go into the details but it's gotten so bad up to the point of me about to flat out kick her out.
During this period while she was coming home drunk for the last 6-8 months she totaled her car a month or two ago and I was laid off in July. I'm about to get back to work but have had to pickup and drop her off everyday. The pressure on this chic from the financial stress and her not having transit was too much for us both to bear. We went from seeing eachother an hour or two a day in morning and night when we were both working to me having to cart her around everywhere and we were spending nearly every second of her time together outside of her place of work. She had to pay for everything for a month or two (Food, drinks, gas etc.) I've paid all the bills since she's lived here until the layoff. Clearly she's starting to resent it but want's to help out.
She broke my phone and I can't pay the bill right now anyway so I'm conveniently using hers and she's giving me money everyday. How in the hell do you keep frame or reframe in a financial hardship situation? I know she's not really like this at her core but has let herself go, has a crazy family and very difficult past. I actually feel very sorry for her in addition to caring. I know I can bounce back but she flat out can't without me.
It's a very interesting inter-related dynamic situation.
She's a socialite and literally one of the hottest chics any guy has ever seen and her body is getting hotter by the day so she has a stupid amount of clients, orbiters etc. She's a hustler and basically games guys for money and gifts, more or less whatever she needs. So she's always out having drinks after work and going out to the club to not deal with her issues lately. This is actually fine with me since we need the time and space.
As I said, she's currently staying with some super weird looking older dude with a lot of money, which is cool with me. It might actually save our relationship assuming I even want her still. I met the guy and he's no threat, if she wasn't in love with me she would've bolted a loooooong time ago.
She's been there almost all week texting me everyday while she's out partying with her friends (she doesn't have a car so she's kind of at the wim of others right now).
The first night she asked me to come over to his place and stay with her while he was out of town. This was after a huge fight that was actually mostly my fault. I've quite drinking by the way and completely reframing working on myself even though she's done the most damage. I brought her some things, she wanted to take a shower with me and get busy but she was out drinking with people all night and I'm just not attracted to her anymore when she's not sober. Slept but didn't have sex or shower with her. I'm trying to prove my point I don't want her anymore if she's drinking everyday since I"m quitting.
I dropped her off at work the next day and this is what really pissed me off incredibly: She asked me to pick her up at work like normal that night. Later in the day asks me to meet her at the bar across the street we normally stop at. I tell her I'm not trying to go to the bar and obviously she's not riding with her girlfriend on a scooter after they've been drinking for 9+ hours so I know she had an alternate motive. We agree to meet at her work when she gets out and this little idiot had me waiting like a jackass outside her work when she left with weird guy and her girl to the joint already. One of the security guys had to tell me she left. This type of behavior doesn't fly with me.
She was intending on coming home last night but when that happened I met them over there, met the weird guy. I told her I had to run, had things to do and asked if she needed anything out of my car. She said she would be fine so I left. I'm not going to follow her around and be another groupie. She lied about who this guy even was where she was staying, said it was her girlfriends Dad. I figured it out, called her on it got a little jealous, got over it and am doing limited contact on my way to NC. She admitted she lied because she thought I would get mad which is understandable. I actually appreciate the guy being hospitable and helping out.
This chic is a MASTER gamer, she can straight up play guys real easy, it's actually her job and how she's been paying our bills. I know she's in love with me and wants to come home. She says she has to do what is best for both of us and I agreed we both need space andtime. I'm considering seeing other people since she's basically out having guys buy her drinks 24-7. These dudes are paying her bills and buying her shit, in her line of work that's pretty normal. She continuously professes she's trying to get better and behave properly, drink less, respect and communicate more etc but she's so damn used to telling people what they want to hear I don't know if I can believe her anymore.
I know she's trying to get her head straight and it's highly unlikely she would screw around but is this one toast guys? I thought I was done with women after this one. She's been telling me she's the only guy she's ever been in love with doesn't want to lose me blah blah.
Her last few messages:
Its so hard for me to be away from you. I'm already so sad. I hate this =(
Baby I miss you and I don't have a clue what you are talking about... I miss you so much. Tears are unavoidable. =( I was being afc getting jealous for a minute but have reframed into more push than pull because I'm not even sure I want her back
I've responded with:
I recognize I was jealous, it was irrational and that’s not me, my apologies, but I still want you in my life - I needed my space, but I’ve figured a few things out and I’d like to hang out again. One day at a time for now. We should talk sometime when you have a non intoxicated moment, assuming you can stop lying to me.
All of our problems were a result of our drinking liquor every day - I feel bad for teaching you how to sip tequila. You've already got alcohol and depression problems. I'm finally done with drinking and moving forward with my life.
She hasn't said anything since, but I know she's saying that crap while out drinking. I'm so sure she's crying while drinking champagne in the club for free getting carted around by jokers.
Keep in mind she's sending me this from the bar at work or the club at night completely surrounded by drooling orbiters. I'd imagine it's only a matter of time until she does something stupid assuming it hasn't happened already. I'm giving the impression I'm over it and moving on which seems to be working until I show even a little interest and she doesn't respond. She's slept with a lot of people, more than I care to admit but seems fairly loyal. Although we're technically not together and on a break it does seem concerning because she's gone from one guy to the next in the past and always considers it not cheating bc they're not together at the time. She and I have spent nearly every day together for almost the last year and it finally got to be too much. I'm really enjoying my time away, almost too much. I'm going to flat out say it, this chic would not fuck around on me and tells me how much she loves and misses me.
If I reciprocate in the same fashion is that needy or normal for a serious relationship?
Am I just getting gamed here?
How do I reframe when in a crap financial situation?
What can I do to really make her miss me and fix our relationship besides sleep with one of her friends...?jk
Does going NC and Push Pull really work that well in this type of serious dynamic relationship situation?
How in the hell do I compete with all the rich guys falling on her since she loves the attention, has daddy issues etc?
Thanks guys,
Apologies for the long post.
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CHAT