Hello all, been bf/gf with this girl for a couple months now. There is a situation that arose a few days ago that still irks me, and so I've turned to you wise folks. Gonna be a bit long, I appreciate any responses I get.

A couple nights ago, my buddy, my gf and I drive about one hour to go out with my gf and about 7 of her friends(all females) and I was the DD for my gf and friend. We all start at the same bar, and then the girls want to go to this bar where my gf's friend promotes and can get the girls in free but guys have to pay $20. I tell her that we don't want to pay, and my friend and I will go to a different bar and meet up after. She says ok, and that they just want to go in for one drink to be polite to her promoter friend who went out of his way for them.

So we go our separate ways at about 11:00. She texts me once at like 12:00 with like a "how is it going", to which I reply "fine we are at X." No response until 1:45 when she is asking if I was going to come get her from the bar. At this point, I'm like WTF. I respond with something along the lines of, "we are getting food, we will meet you at the car when we are done or you can come meet us." She and her friend have the keys, so they can just sit in the car until we arrive. She calls me like 3 times in the next 20 minutes asking when we are coming to the car. I tell her that I'm doing my own thing, tell her where we are eating(walking distance), and she can wait for me or come meet me while we finish eating. She decides to wait.

When I get to the car, she is giving me shit for making her wait and blah blah blah. I tell her that when she says she is going to be somewhere for "one hour" and that she is doing it just to be "polite", then I expect at least a text saying that she is going to be staying for longer. She starts trying to argue with me but she is hammered so I tell her we will talk in the morning and that I'm going to take everyone home.

Next morning, I can't seem to get her to understand that I wasn't upset that she stayed out with her friends, that she stayed at the bar, or anything like that. I just wanted her to understand that I find it rude that she says "one hour", and doesn't have the common courtesy to text me to let me know she is going to stay there. She said that if I wanted to know if she was staying there that I could've asked. I told her that that's bullshit, that I'm not her mother and that I'm not going to check up on her and make sure she does what she says.

To me, it is very simple. If I am told one thing, I expect it to happen, and IF things change on HER end, then I expect for her to notify me that it is changing and vice-versa. Am I overreacting?

I dont think you are over reacting. Seems like she is trying to gain a little control over the relationship, and wanting you there at her every becking call. You had no problem with her doing what she wanted to do without you. She said she would just go in for a drink to be polite. When she saw that she was going to staying longer than she originally planned, she should have respected the communication between you two, to send a text saying something like "hey, going to stay longer than planned, will text when ready to meet up."

Thank you for your response and your thoughts mirror mine.

As for the bolded, this was the exact feeling I got by her late text asking if I was going to come get her and I let her know. I basically told her that I'm not sure who she has dated in the past, but I'm not going to be waiting on her like a little bitch, or chauffeur in this case, and especially not after I felt disrespected. If she would've asked in a nice manner, then I probably would've given her a time when I would go to the bar to pick her up.

Are you higher status than her in some way? Like in terms of money, looks, education, or something else? It could be that she is insecure and is needing to demonstrate some power over you. Maybe you just have a more wilful personality and she feels a bit controlled? It could be anything really. Or she could just be a selfish person or not have any manners. There's a problem somewhere so even if you correct her behaviour in this case it's just going to manifest itself in other ways unless you get to the root.

Anyway to answer your question I don't think you over-reacted. You had a problem and you brought it up right away, that's the best way I think. I would drop it for now though, she reacted in a stubborn way (typical). But next time a similar situation presents itself, before she does anything wrong, maybe you should make a little joke referring to this incident, in a non confrontational way. This will let her know that these things are important to you, but also that you're calm and willing to forgive her little fuck ups.

Her and I are of similar status, both with degrees, 25, attractive, and currently pursuing further education. From the beginning of our relationship and before we even started dating I have always been the one that "cared less" if that makes sense. There have been two times where I have flat out left her house and once ended a date early because she began to "act up", so she knows I am not one to put up with her when she acts like a teenager or out of line. My family is of a higher status I suppose and she has been exposed to it while making some comments about feeling of a lesser status. She has stated that she has to better herself "for me". It could be just a vibe I give her, but I immediately tried to address her insecurities about status by telling her I don't care(which is the truth) and telling her one of the reasons I like her is because she is always trying to better herself(career wise, looks wise, personality wise, etc.) so all she has to do is continue being her.

I really like your suggestion in the second paragraph. Whenever the situation is a first, I always give her the benefit of the doubt because she doesn't know what I am expecting or like. A real problem will occur when these behaviors become repetitive. What I have done in the past where a problem will arise is address it immediately causing a little argument, and then make light of it the next chance the situation will come up again. This has been extremely successful with her as I have never had the same "problem" twice with her.

Thanks again for the advice!

I think it's just a weird situation. Going out as the DD and planning to meet up with drunk chicks? You were bound to have issues with coordinating everything. That's why DD's typically stay close. If you're the DD, you're basically there because the girls will be too intoxicated to drive, so you really can't expect them to be coherant enough to meet later on smoothly.

The original plan was not to get separated, but I understand your point. That is the exact reason I brought my buddy along because drunk chicks are so unpredictable. She is usually very responsible when she drinks, so this was very out of character for her to get hammered and throw up in her own car!