I recently had my first "bump" along the road in my current relationship of 5 months. Things have escalated extremely fast. We moved in together after a couple of months, and before that she spent nearly every day at my place. So in other words, we've spent no more than 3-4 days apart from eachother (at the most) the last 5 months. A couple of days ago she casually said "I'll spend a couple of days at my parents house." I understood that there was something I couldn't read between the lines, so I asked her to sit down so we could talk about it. She hesitated at first, but then said "Well, it's just that you are a very social person. You have friends over almost every day (this is due to me wanting to spend time with both her and my friends), and it makes me exhausted." We talked a little back and forth and she said she didn't want to ruin my social life for her, so she would rather visit her parents so I could have friends over, and she could be alone. I didn't understand this. I told her I did, but I really didn't. Then I stumbled across an article about Introvert and Extrovert personalities, and that's when my eyes opened. This was actually such a big revelation to me, that I thought those of you currently in relationships could benefit greatly from it.

Extrovert Personality
I am a really extrovert person, as I suspect a lot of those here are. I hate to be alone for a greater period of time, and if I'm all alone for a whole day, it leaves me depressed because I feel I'm missing out on everything. I need to be active and to socialize. An extrovert person will typically be outgoing, meet new people, attend a lot of parties and events and in general have an active life. When the extrovert person is active and social, he is recharging his batteries and feels sated.
“…it's a sense of feeling blue and unhappy. I feel like my ideas are stale and I'm not bringing my best work to the project. When I start to feel unhappy, I know it's time to get out with people and recharge. I'll usually come back to the project with renewed enthusiasm and new ideas.” says one of the extroverted persons interviewed in one of the articles I've read. The obvious danger here, which I've experienced is that when I notice my girlfriend sitting still, staring out into the air or at the computer, I think she's me. I'm convinced that she is experiencing the same depression I get when I'm bored and unsocialized, when in truth, she's not. Another good description as to how this feels, is when you're sitting at home for a long time without anything to do. This is how an extrovert person describes it
“It’s almost like I’m going stir crazy--I just need to get out and do something -- anything. I'm antsy. I can't sit down. I pace. I have problems focusing. It's almost like you're starving and you have no food in the house. Physical activity helps a bit, but after the endorphin high wears off, the restlessness returns. So I usually just go out and do something, or call some friends and ask them over. Then it's all better, and I can focus again.”

Introvert Personality
An introvert person needs time alone. They often find a few friends and hold on to them. They don't like big social events with a lot of people and prefer a dinner with a few close friends, to a party with 20 random people and 10 friends. Unlike the extrovert persons, they need to be alone to recharge. This doesn't make them 'impossible' to move in with ofcourse. My girlfriend would have no problem spending all her time with me, if it was just the two of us, but as soon as there's more people involved, it becomes exhausting after a certain point. In the same way the extrovert person descirbed that she felt 'hungry' for social contact, the introvert person gets 'stuffed'. When they are out meeting new people, having people over or doing anything social, they feel like their heads gets 'stuffed' with words, people and obligations. In other words, they need time alone to empty their heads.

How can Introvert and Extrovert personalities be in a relationship?
Compromize. It's really that easy. When you both realize that you are different and have different needs, you can start working on it. Your introvert spouse can stay at home and read, watch a movie or just stare out in to the open while you are out doing all the fun stuff. Likewise, you should also have a couple of evenings where you only spend time with her alone. For example, a romantic and really good evening for an introvert person would be to sit sliently (not talking AT ALL) and watch the sunset. Of course, the introvert person would have to join a party or two occasionally aswell.


Even though I've only scratched the surface in this post and that there's a lot more to it than what I've written, this should give you a quick overlook over the two, and hopefully it have opened someones eyes as it did mine. If you want to read more on the subject I recommend Psychology Today's "The Introvert's Corner". If you are an introvert, it will help you understand and deal with extroverts, and if you're an extrovert it will help you see through the eyes of an introvert and understand how they see things.

_________________
Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

WOW! This is the biggest batch of over thinking needy bullshit I have ever seen.

You have been up her ass for 5 months, from taking a shit in the morning, to dragging her to everything YOU want to do during the day.

And now she wants a little break to go see HER people? Shocker!

And your doing this much research to discover why? WTF Bro??!!

When she said "I'd always be there for you" she didn't realize you were so fucking needy.

It's only 5 months Bro, let her breath a little.

Or you could just chain her to the couch?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

There is some truth behind the Extrovert/Introvert Personality.

But Heywood has a good point on the overthinking here.

"biggest batch of over thinking needy bullshit I have ever seen."? ... Then so is every article, book and post made about pick-up. This post is plain information, with a bit of background. I didn't write more about my relationship because it wasn't relevant to the post, but now it seems I have to, since you've drawed shitloads of assumptions, based on nothing but .. a hinge?

The thing is, since she's an introvert she doesn't have "her people" which you might've understood had you checked the link. She has a couple of close friends, but spending time with anyone else is just a waste, as casual conversation is, for her, shallow and unrewarding. I've encouraged her to hang out with her friends, but she's seldom in the mood. Especially since I've had a lot of friends over which exhausted her. In other words, she doesn't want to spend time with 'her people' she wants to spend time alone/with me.

I didn't really do anything to find out why, other than asking her. I didn't understand it, but I accepted it. As I mentioned, I randomly stumbled across the whole extrovert/introvert concept and found it interesting. That's all game is, really, basic psychology and learning to practice it.

I understand that you know quite a bit about game, but dude, chill. This was meant to be a post for people to read and hopefully learn from. Next time, don't be so quick to pull the trigger and go all apeshit over some plain information. This wasn't a request for help, our relationship is better than ever and I'm still going strong.

_________________
Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

I believe the information on Introvert/extrovert to be valid incite. I based my reply on the information provided in the first part of your post. Pull the trigger? Naw Bro. By your own wording, it reeks of separation anxiety.

1. Only 5 months.
2. Relatively 0 separation.
3. Sudden request for separation.
4. Sudden in depth research marathon.

You do the math.

If the information you posted was not relevant to the relationship, why would you post it IN relationships?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I can agree with you that being together for 5 months with as little seperation as we've had can't be too healthy. And to be honest, I'm quite surprised I'm not fed up with her after spending so much time together. The thing here is, thouhg, that I've always encouraged her to go out and meet friends. I've went out several times to meet people while she was staying at home. So we haven't spent 24/7 together, but still, quite a lot of time.

Also, when I first started game, I spent a lot of time reading up on pretty much anything that had to do with social interactions, psychology, body language, etc. and these things have become a part of me. It was relatively easy for me to spot that she didn't say what she actually wanted to say when she told me she was going to her parents house. That's why I asked. I didn't do any research, really. I was just plunging about the Internet as usual, and I visit Psychology Today almost every day. My interest for the subject was probably enhanced by the fact that it was directly related to my current situation, but that's as far as it goes.

I never said that this info wasn't relevant to relationships, it is very relevant, as lack of this knowledge probably can destroy one if the opposites meet. What I said was that the reason I didn't tell you more about my relationship, was because I didn't feel like it would serve any purpose to the subject for which the post was made.

Hope I managed to clear things up a little.

_________________
Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Both you OP and Heywood have valid points. Everybody needs their own time, introvert or extrovert doesn't matter. Although introverts need more.
Stop overthinking this.
" I could have friends over, and she could be alone. I didn't understand this. I told her I did, but I really didn't. " - This is what worries me

Didn't mean that I didn't understand the part that she wanted to be alone, but I am an extremley extrovert person, and if anything, being social energizes me, makes me happy and basically deprives me of any negative emotion I might be feeling. Since I'd never heard about extrovert/introvert personalities, I've always assumed that all people were the same when it came to this. I understood that some might dislike being social more than others, but I couldn't even begin to fathom that some people would get exhausted by it. To me, that would be like someone saying "Yeah, I just ate a 2 pound burger, so I'm starving now." Hence, I didn't understand why she got exhausted, but I accepted it.

_________________
Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Yeah, the extrovert/introvert thing is very real. I am an extreme introvert and need a lot of alone time. Don't get me wrong, I love being out with friends and gaming but I need to balance that off with time by myself. Being in a big group of people is exhausting.

Don't take it personally or read too much into it. It sounds like she is respectful of your needs and will let you do your social thing. Just remember that she'll want both time alone and time alone with you one on one so make sure you make allow for that.

If you want more detail, check out Myers-Briggs personality tests. I think its one of the more useful personality metrics out there and if you get to know it, you can get some good material out of it because women always love to talk personality types and analyse people.

As far as dating the opposite type is concerned, it's a huge challenge especially when living with them. I am normally drawn to extroverted women because of their energy. It creates a very intense first few months as the introvert loves the energy of the extrovert and the extrovert loves the depth of the introvert. Once you get past that and have to deal with each others needs, it becomes very difficult to maintain the relationship.