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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 4:52 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2010 3:32 am
Posts: 96
Ok so I'm sort of dating this girl. We're more than FWB but were not quite BF/GF. Not publicly, but I do care about her and she cares about me, we got this secret lover thing going on. Here is the problem: She rarely hits me up to hangout, in 1 month she has probably hit me up 3 times. I have been the one taking the initiative in making us hangout. Don't get me wrong we've been having sex nearly everyday for about a month but the last day I saw her was on monday of this week and I wanted to test her so I told her to call me on her next day off. Her day off was Wednesday but she didn't call me, so we had plans to hangout on Thursday and I flaked on her. Up to this point there was really no games that were being played but she has started it.

Is it normal for the guy, even in a monogamous relationship, to still do all the date planning, Does she like me? What is her goal with all these games?

Please point me to some good relationship literature, thanks forum

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:23 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 2:53 pm
Posts: 29
Quote:
What is her goal with all these games?
It seems to me that you started the games by testing her, and you changed the status quo of being the one to normally initiate interactions. Maybe she doesn't like playing games and is refusing to play? Having sex nearly everyday should be validation enough, although it seems you like her and I can understand you wanting to know where you stand. I would suggest positive tests though instead of the negative test you have performed. Do BF/GF stuff, hang out with your friends, go do stuff together, etc.

Just go with the flow and half fun and things will work themselves out for the best. You don't have any way of knowing what she really thinks about you at this point and if you put any pressure on her you'll probably just push her away, even if she does think of you as potentially more than a secret lover.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 4:53 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 2:13 am
Posts: 56
Quote:
Ok so I'm sort of dating this girl. We're more than FWB but were not quite BF/GF. Not publicly, but I do care about her and she cares about me, we got this secret lover thing going on. Here is the problem: She rarely hits me up to hangout, in 1 month she has probably hit me up 3 times. I have been the one taking the initiative in making us hangout. Don't get me wrong we've been having sex nearly everyday for about a month but the last day I saw her was on monday of this week and I wanted to test her so I told her to call me on her next day off. Her day off was Wednesday but she didn't call me, so we had plans to hangout on Thursday and I flaked on her. Up to this point there was really no games that were being played but she has started it.

Is it normal for the guy, even in a monogamous relationship, to still do all the date planning, Does she like me? What is her goal with all these games?

Please point me to some good relationship literature, thanks forum
It can mean one of two things, she is playing games because she wants more from you, and is playing the games to get you attracted.

or,

they're not games, but she has found someone new that she is starting to see or wanting to be with, and she naturally does not invest as much into you because of it.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:18 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:32 am
Posts: 3904
It is what it is. You're fuck buddies and that's what she wants. She wants you for sex not dates.


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