I have to make all the plans...problem?



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:40 pm 
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Hey all, just wanted to give a quick background on my current situation.

Been dating(not exclusively) this girl for about 3 months now and everything is great for the most part. She almost always initiates texts first, and that is usually every day or at least every other day. We had been hanging out 2-3 times a week and having sex during almost all of those hangouts. She is always the first one to say how wonderful the date was, how special I make her feel, I miss you, etc. About a month ago, she brought up the whole "what are we?", and I told her that I don't need to put titles on things to feel confident in our relationship but, that if she does than she can say we are dating or whatever term she would like to use. Obviously, I told her being exclusive and bf/gf would have to be a separate discussion, but that I wasn't opposed to the idea in the future. We had a being exclusive discussion two days after when she asked if I remembered our conversation because we both were drinking. I told her yes, and that if she wants to be exclusive that it is something she is going to have to bring up. Nothing more was said and I moved on from it(which now seems like that is what she wanted?).

During the past two weeks, we both have gone on vacations and both were very cool with simple "have fun!" and "don't miss me too much" type texts not being needy or seeking information. Our conversations have been much shorter as of late, and I am attributing at least some of this to the "honeymoon" phase being over with and also the fact that she just had a death in the family recently and has her nursing exam coming up next week(she just graduated from RN school). She also will not respond to a text/call for like 6 hours, but if I do that will send me at least one more text saying something a long the lines of, "everything ok babe?". We hung out twice in the past two weeks and both times with me initiating the meetup, which I always do. Each time ended with her initiating the same, "I miss you already, love spending time with you, blah blah blah."

I guess I have a problem with me always having to ask her to hangout, although my concerns are probably not valid. I usually just text her and say, "I want to see you", or "Take a break from studying Wednesday morning and come over." She obliges almost all the time but, if I send her an "I got off from work early today, if you need a break studying let me know." She will usually respond with a, "Thanks babe, but I really have to crack down."

Is it wrong to feel like it is just annoying that I have to always make the plans? I guess I've never been around a girl who would initiate almost all conversation but, just never even attempt to make a plan. It isn't that I don't enjoy making all the plans, it is just that I set it up on a platter for her to make an attempt and she never bites lol!


Last edited by Pizza Man on Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:44 pm 
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Its good to lead.

i don't see a problem.

you could always just talk to her about it.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:23 pm 
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Its good to lead.

i don't see a problem.

you could always just talk to her about it.
Yes I agree, and I have brought this up before in subtle ways. For example, she asked me why I didn't invite her to a couple things and told me that she could've gone because she was free. I simply replied, "Maybe next time, I'm not a stalker who knows your schedule, and you have a phone too ya know ;)".

Re reading my OP I am coming off needy and like I am seeking some form of validation from her making a plan, which we all know women suck at.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 12:42 am 
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No problems here, continue being a man and continue taking charge.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 12:48 am 
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Lol dude this same shit happens to me with girls, I get paranoid about whether they're actually into me if they never try to make plans. I'd say if she says how much she loves spending time with you and puts out as often as you say she does, you're good.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:24 am 
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Lol dude this same shit happens to me with girls, I get paranoid about whether they're actually into me if they never try to make plans. I'd say if she says how much she loves spending time with you and puts out as often as you say she does, you're good.
Very true, and naturally I am a man so when I say I miss her, I'll make plans to see her and not just tell her then leave it at that(like most women). I'll take actions that correlate with my words.

Thanks everyone.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 3:34 am 
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Eh. Seems people are saying nothing is wrong... But fact is you're feeling insecure for the first time since you've been with her, right? So obviously something is wrong. Perhaps you're overinvesting in her. Stop initiating and see how she reacts. If she texts you and wonders where you've been, etc, then she's into you and you don't have much to worry about. If it turns into a holdout that lasts for over a week, clearly something is wrong.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:34 am 
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Eh. Seems people are saying nothing is wrong... But fact is you're feeling insecure for the first time since you've been with her, right? So obviously something is wrong. Perhaps you're overinvesting in her. Stop initiating and see how she reacts. If she texts you and wonders where you've been, etc, then she's into you and you don't have much to worry about. If it turns into a holdout that lasts for over a week, clearly something is wrong.
Yes, this is my first time feeling insecure with this girl. I've admitted that these are probably more my insecurities because her lack of initiating meetups is strange to me and not what I'm used too. I have backed off the invites to only once a week for the reason you mentioned, and she has been initiating much more of the I miss you and I want to see you, etc. but not the invites.

She actually texted me tonight, I tried to keep it as "alpha" as possible, this is the conversation:

Her: I miss you and can't wait to see you on Friday. It's been too long, for me anyway.
Me: If it's been too long then why don't you do anything about it? Not immediately obviously, but in general.
(I had gotten home from Vegas Sunday night.)
Her: Well of course but, not when you're with your friends and we are both free I will.
Me: I won't hold my breathe.
Her: Oh gosh, you are one to talk.
Me: When I say I miss you, I almost immediately follow it with an, "I want to see you", or propose a day to hang out.
Me: BTW, I'm seriously happy we are communicating babe.
Her: Ok babe, I see your point.
Me: Alright, I'm going to watch the game with the boys, call me later.
Her: Have fun! *kiss*
Her(three hours later): I miss you and want to see you tomorrow(Thursday). When is your break?

She called later, and she agreed with the points I made about her and agreed with the fact that I take actions and don't only use my words. In general we both know when each other is free during the day because I have a set afternoon schedule and she works as a waitress 3 nights between Wednesday-Saturday. I told her I don't expect her to actually make plans but, all she has to do is tell me a day/night she wants to hang out. If it doesn't work for me, I'll counter propose. She seemed very receptive, so hopefully this can clear some things up.

I'm glad I was able to talk to her about it and get it off my chest. I see no point in letting little things like this bother me because I don't have the balls to simply tell her.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 6:32 am 
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So seems like you were just over-investing. She's still into you, you were just giving her too much. A little pullback is all you need to restore the balance. Also, just because she doesn't ask you out, doesn't mean much. As long as you feel she's being sincere when she says she misses you, then you have nothing to worry about.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:33 am 
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Thanks for your response and advice Betamax.

A little update, so she said today that she hadn't been asking me out because to her it seems like I enjoy being single. I told her that I obviously do enjoy being single but, that my actions towards her should show her that I am not opposed to being in a relationship with her. She agreed but, thought it was all part of my "game". It appears I may be coming across too player ish with her due to my comments and she has hinted at exactly that. So I straight up told her that I want to see her more and she agreed that she wanted the same. She said she had been holding back her needs since the beginning with me to not scare me off. I told her that that was a good thing because she probably would've lol but, that at this point I want her to communicate with me what she wants and such. Here's to the best!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:07 pm 
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Quote:
Thanks for your response and advice Betamax.

A little update, so she said today that she hadn't been asking me out because to her it seems like I enjoy being single. I told her that I obviously do enjoy being single but, that my actions towards her should show her that I am not opposed to being in a relationship with her. She agreed but, thought it was all part of my "game". It appears I may be coming across too player ish with her due to my comments and she has hinted at exactly that. So I straight up told her that I want to see her more and she agreed that she wanted the same. She said she had been holding back her needs since the beginning with me to not scare me off. I told her that that was a good thing because she probably would've lol but, that at this point I want her to communicate with me what she wants and such. Here's to the best!
Doesn't sound as though you're over ego about a relationship with her. If you are start showing it (e.g., plan romantic meet-ups etc).


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:11 pm 
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Thanks for your response and advice Betamax.

A little update, so she said today that she hadn't been asking me out because to her it seems like I enjoy being single. I told her that I obviously do enjoy being single but, that my actions towards her should show her that I am not opposed to being in a relationship with her. She agreed but, thought it was all part of my "game". It appears I may be coming across too player ish with her due to my comments and she has hinted at exactly that. So I straight up told her that I want to see her more and she agreed that she wanted the same. She said she had been holding back her needs since the beginning with me to not scare me off. I told her that that was a good thing because she probably would've lol but, that at this point I want her to communicate with me what she wants and such. Here's to the best!
Good that you told her what you wanted....but you don't need to continue to validate yourself or your intent to her. Do your thing and be unapologetic about it.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:11 am 
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Quote:
Thanks for your response and advice Betamax.

A little update, so she said today that she hadn't been asking me out because to her it seems like I enjoy being single. I told her that I obviously do enjoy being single but, that my actions towards her should show her that I am not opposed to being in a relationship with her. She agreed but, thought it was all part of my "game". It appears I may be coming across too player ish with her due to my comments and she has hinted at exactly that. So I straight up told her that I want to see her more and she agreed that she wanted the same. She said she had been holding back her needs since the beginning with me to not scare me off. I told her that that was a good thing because she probably would've lol but, that at this point I want her to communicate with me what she wants and such. Here's to the best!
Good that you told her what you wanted....but you don't need to continue to validate yourself or your intent to her. Do your thing and be unapologetic about it.
Thanks for your advice, I never realized the validation part until you pointed it out. Cheers mate!


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