the problem: GF invites an old hook up of hers, plus another guy friend out for drinks with her and her friend when I said I wouldnt be able to make it that night.

the grey area: the "old hook up" is a mutual friend that we have classes with. the extent of their hook up was they made out once at a bar the semester before we got together. hes a nice kid, normally I wouldnt consider him a threat at all. he's tried to make plans with her a few times since, but it never bothered me, she always wanted to be with me instead/ and he's not privy to our relationship, in fact he doesnt even know about it, thinking it would avoid complications... now i find the opposite is true.

back to the story:

I text her later saying that I changed my mind and Ill be coming after all. She then reveals that she invited these two dudes, the old hook up and his friend.

my response: youre inviting me out with an old hook up of yours? like, i dont get it. i dont see why you think this is a good idea?

her: my friend just wanted more people to chill so she wasnt the third wheel...what am i going to do, hook up with him in front of you? obv not.

me: thats not the issue/ the issue is that i would never put you in a situation where id be like "oh you bailed so i actually hit up an old hook up of mine to meet us. you can come if you want.", let alone the fact that shes a friend of yours, and didnt know there we had a thing going on. sounds like a fun night, let me tell you.

her: well when i invited him i was just thinking of all of us having a good time because my friend wanted to chill with some other people from school. i didnt think it was going to be this big of a problem, im sorry.

(end of convo)

I'm not satisfied with her explanation because...

she said she "only invited him so that her friend wouldnt be third wheel". but how could this be, it wasnt until AFTER i said i wouldnt be there that she hit him up...how would she have been the third wheel if its only the two of them? (it is a possibility that she invited him BEFORE i said i wasnt going to make it and just didnt tell me, but i mean...i have reasons/theories to doubt that)

SO...

i dont respond to her apology out of low tolerance for her judgment call and just dead it for the moment. passive agressive i know. but am i the one to reach out now...? i dont know.

no word from her the whole night or next day (today would be the second full day of no speak if this continues). its a stalemate and thinking of just letting her go at this point (and even considering us done right now) but am torn.

Why?

Because I could forgive her and accept her apology if its true that she invited those dudes BEFORE i mentioned i couldnt to make it out.

BUT-

her silence just signifies her indifference toward the whole situation, it tells me she doesnt care... / and who knows what transpired that night...

no idea what to do...really.

I would have been more forceful with the boundaries, but overall I think you did fine. It sounds like she was planning on hiding this from you and only revealed it when you said you'd go, because she had to. Her inviting an old hookup to go for drinks behind your back is a red flag. Before the chump army rushes in and starts throwing the words "trust" and "honesty" around, let me tell you; trust is earned, and she eroded your trust for her through her shifty actions. Its amazing how trusting some chumps are. Somehow they know cheating is ubiquitous, but no, THEIR girl could never do such a thing. I'm not saying shes banging this guy.. yet, but shes definitely playing the field/expressing interest here. This is not necessarily a "shit test" like everyone says. I'd have made her explain herself and made it clear that going drinking behind your backs with old hookups is not ok. If she did it anyways, you'd need to consider a breakup. Otherwise, best and most common advice you'll get here is: game other girls. Don't try to make your gf jealous by telling her anything. Once you start getting options and interest from others, it'll become obvious in your attitude and the abundance will make you less needy, and she'll feel it.
Good luck.

This the bottom line is that she was going to drink and go out with an old hook up BEHIND YOUR BACK and only told you because she was forced too. Game other chicks and move on

thanks guys =]

RESOLVED.

she texted me today asking if i was still mad...i went out for a run and hit her back a few hours later to talk on the phone... i start off by telling her the whole reason i flipped was bc shes inviting old hookups to drink after i said i couldnt make it.

so then she explained what happened on her side.

throughout the day while she was hanging with her friend, she was inviting other people from school to go chill that night, and not just specifically the OHU/old hook up (a few of her girlfriends, and some other guys as well. We all know each other and share same classes). She mentioned to the OHU in the invite, something to the effect of "hey come out tonight, a bunch of us are getting drinks, me, anon1, anon2, anon3, et al".

So she did mention that I was going to be there in the text. She offered to show it to me. And when she sent him the text, at that moment I didnt tell her yet that I wasnt going to make it.

I explained to her, that the way things unfolded via our texts...the timeline was putting me under the impression that it looked like a discreet IOI to OHU / in response to me not being able to show. And even from OHUs perspective, an "opportunity"...

When I explained this, she apologized again saying that it really wasnt her intent. She just wanted more people to show. She seemed sincere. Her friend (the one who suggested to invite him in the first place) even apologized to my GF, not realizing itd cause all this drama.

I asked her what even happened that night/ they got a few drinks, OHU left early to get his car since he lives an hour from school. The girls dipped out to another bar with the other kid, whom I know. Just another typical night...

so looks like case is closed...

Just goes to show how people can jump to conclusions way too easily.

Nobody told him to dump her, just draw boundaries. I still would not be cool with my gf hanging out with an old hookup regardless of the situation. Those are just my boundaries, others boundaries may be different.

I don't buy it. Why does inviting the guy with other friends somehow make you think that her intention wasn't to see him? In fact I would think meeting an old flame with lots of friends around in an informal setting would be ideal for the woman to talk to him and feel him out - even if you were there; and since she texted him "innocently" for this meeting she has also restarted a phone dialogue with him in which he could "innocently" text her the week after...

Or perhaps I'm just paranoid! haha