Here's the situation. I discovered that my gf used to be a high class escort. According to her, she stopped doing it when we started dating, when she started falling for me. She got another job, and since she is living in an expensive apartment in the nicest part of town, she signed the lease for a new, way cheaper place and is moving next month. But over the course of the last few months, she went completely broke and started borrowing from people in order to stay afloat. She has been in debt for a while and the people she owes money to are asking for it back. Her fridge has been constantly empty.

Finally, she decided to go back "to work", and coincidentally on the same day she was supposed to start again, I discovered her profile on my city's classiest escorting website. The way I discovered this is complicated, but long story short, it was a suspicion I'd had about her for a long time, which I'd kept writing off as me being crazy until she told me she'd be starting a second job and that her nightly schedule was about to change.

I had her come over to my place the instant I found out, and confronted her. A fight ensued. The situation being fucked up as it is, I felt like I was in some kind of ridiculous melodramatic b-rated movie. Turns out that when she got into it (about a year and half ago), she was homeless, young, naive, estranged from her parents who don't have the means to help her anyway, and felt like she had no other options to survive. Since she started, she's been in a constant battle trying to stop and get out of it. She was constantly anxious about it to the point of losing her hair. Even her boss tried to convince her to stop. Her boss had to leave town for a while shortly after we started dating, so she didn't get any more business with the agency.

This coincides with her story of stopping because she fell for me and now I'm not sure which is true. She could still have continued and found another agency or struck out independently; however, I don't think she did it wouldn't be congruent with the money problems she started to have while our relationship developed. And our relationship did develop. It became something great, something neither of us had ever experienced before. She began talking about marriage, kids, etc. and how she had never felt anything remotely close to how she feels about me.

Which leaves me here. It looks like she has been trying to make the changes necessary for a life with me, but her problems simply caught up with her. After the confrontation, she has taken herself off the site and cut all of her ties with "the industry". But none of this excuses the fact that she lied about her escorting to me for 7 months, as well as the fact that she couldn't come to me, her supposed future life partner, with her problems.

We've been talking. I'm trying to forgive her, but it's hard. I've since slept with her, which was very raw and emotional before and after, but I simply couldn't return her words of love and affection. My question now is how I can best get over this and forgive her without giving her the subconscious idea that her actions were okay, and that each time she fucks up in the future, all she has to do is shower me with affection until she wins me back. At this point, I don't even know if I can do this and love her again, but I do want to find out.

She probably didn't come to you about it because she'd be afraid you'd dump her ass and/or belittle her... Which is almost what happened. She was trying to protect the one thing she truly cared about: her relationship. She made great efforts to survive without her luxurious career for you by downgrading her apartment... And as you said, her fridge was constantly empty.

So, although everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, I would personally forgive her. That said, it wouldn't mean my attraction for her would still be there. I wouldn't be attracted to a girl who sold her pussy previously. But you love her, so what can you do? Judging from your post and your conclusion, you seem conflicted yet still willing to go on with her. So go on you will.

That's just it, though. I don't know how to get close to her anymore. When I see her with just a bra on, I'm reminded exactly of what she used to do with her body, what she almost started doing again. But I do love her. I'm just so torn up and I don't know how to get over this.

No one here is in any position to give you "advice" about how to get over it. You don't get over something like that by listening to what others have to say. But at the risk of contradicting myself, I'll advise you to talk to her about it and be 100% upfront. Hopefully with time you can at the very least reconnect emotionally and have a functionally stable relationship.

PS: LOL @ everyone that's gonna tell this guy to sarge other women and forget about her.

Thanks, Betamax. That's exactly what I have been doing, which, funnily enough, is the complete opposite of the "strong alpha male" mentality. I've been completely upfront with her about my feelings, in the moment, when we've talked and hung out. But it's a whirlwind. I'm no doubt sending her all kinds of mixed signals. I've since had sex with her, but I think it was a mistake. It was completely raw and passionate for both of us, and emotional before and after, but I simply couldn't return her words of love for me. Afterwards, I felt awful. Ironically, this must have been just how she felt every night after returning from "work". Maybe I should mull it over and contact her in a few days to hang out and see where we're at.

It's not beta. I say that because you're still in control. You're letting her know you're having a hard time getting over it, and she's hoping you'll forget about it, because she wants you (correct me if I'm wrong). At the same time, you're allowing your relationship to progress by being honest and open. So it's win-win in my books. The only loss that can't be won back is obviously her past. So, don't be ashamed and open up, but don't hesitate to close up shop the moment you think you may be losing control.

I've also been dating my girlfriend for almost seven months. Although I know she's never sold herself, I would be floored, shocked, and turned off to find out she was an escort prior to dating me. I would perhaps distance myself for a brief moment to collect my thoughts. But deep down, what wrong would she have done me besides lie to me about her previous employment? Is that really grounds for the termination of a relationship? And more importantly, could you ignore the fact you love her? In the end, I'd be conflicted like yourself but I'd be reminded that she never loved any guy the way she loved me, and that in itself is a privilege.

*Insert angry comments from PUAs with a distaste for LTRs here*

The worst part of it is, though, that she was about to start again. Had I not found out about it, she would probably be doing it this very moment. The fact that she was an escort prior to dating me is easier to deal with. Relatively speaking.

I'll take a few days and collect my thoughts.

Shitty situation, OP. Personally, I'd never seriously date an escort, retired or not. They've become (likely permanently) emotionally damaged by their profession. It's not even about the morality of it, or it being distasteful, but she is someone who is used to the idea of selling her body for money.. To get there you have to make some serious emotional leaps, and you don't just come back after you do.
Same way, what sane woman is going to marry a war vet with PTSD? It might not be his fault, and it sucks for him, but why should anyone want to have to deal with that baggage? Its permanent, and it doesn't go away. Your girlfriend is damaged in an analogous way. She wanted to stop but couldn't.. She stopped for you, and went to great lengths to hide her past so you wouldn't leave her (understandable), but.. when she started having money problems what does she do? She goes straight back to prostitution. Not to mention the BLATANT intent to cheat, she wasn't able to stay away from her old ways even when she was so afraid of losing you. It's become a part of who she is, and what she does.
Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this will be her wakeup call, but personally I'm weary that she'll transform now.

The decision to sell her body was hers and hers only. It's not the only option out of homelessness, and she's responsible for the decisions she made. How many of you guys would date a reformed drug addict? I know I wouldn't. It might be mean, but its sensible. For a normal person to just go and smoke some crack one day, is almost unheard of. However, for a drug addict "in recovery", a relapse is a completely routine phenomenon. Once someone gets in to the heavy stuff, its almost guaranteed they're not coming back. I know several cases personally. I don't know anyone who successfully quit heavy drugs and never relapsed. You can come clean for a couple years, but once you fall in to a bad place, its straight back to the opiates/amphetamines/alcohol/etc. To me, the same applies to a prostitute, as your situation clearly showed. This is something she could relapse in to any time, next time she's low on money, wants sex, etc.
Finally... Ask yourself... if you do marry this girl.. Do you want the mother of your children to be a retired prostitute?
I won't say dump her, but at the very least, don't take this relationship any further until you figure out what you are and aren't willing to settle for, and see how she behaves, how stable she is, especially next time you two are having any kind of a hard time.
Finally, you should really cut out the emotionality. It shows you're not in control and that you're vulnerable.

Exactly what I'm saying the key in all of this is that she was GOING BACK TO IT WHILE SHE WAS WITH THE OP, but he found out and that's the only reason she stopped. Are you kidding me? In what reality is that ok for your gf not to talk to you about her problems and she instead makes the decision to jump right back into fucking guys for money. This girl is emotionally and sexually very damaged (damaged women do not make good long term girlfriends). RUN YOUR ASS AWAY OP.

It'll be weird for a bit but those feelings will pass. You have to make a concerted effort not to hold this over her head as it will push her away and create problems for the Relationship.

This is nearly the exact same situation I experienced with my current gf of the past 8 months.

I had actually discovered of her past as an escort from a friend who had happened upon her ad online around the to e she and I had first met. It was rough, to say the least, I'm not going to get into the whole thing here but I will say that it will be a challenge navigating through this.

For me, I came to accept that past is past. So long as its a life style she has no inclination on returning to the. I see no reason why you can't continue. There's a strong stigma against production, escorting to me is the same thing, although escorts will justify it as cleaner and 'less immoral' than prostitue on. We all make bad decisions in life, none of us are morally better than the other. It's not for anyone to tell you what's right or wrong. You can off msg me if you like. I can say that several months after finding this out I am in a loving committed Relarionship with this girl who I absolutely trust, it did require me to step outside of myself and demo some soul searching first, however.

I just want to add that i had discovered of her escorting activities well into the relationship (around 4 months in), and the only reason I chose to stay was I can clearly see she was trying to make a life with me, that said I don't know th extent or duration of her escorting activities. If you can't reconcile that you ll never trust her again and it's best for both of you to move on. Let things simmer a bit is my red ration, do not tell your female friends if you have them because they will spurn her big time.