I have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now, we met at university when we were 18 and have been together since. I can honestly say I love her to bits, I would happily spend the rest of my life with her and we have said that is what we plan to do on numerous occasions.

We have had our arguments in the past and have gone without speaking before now for weeks, this had happened a few times and when it did I was the one that caved and tried to win her back. It has been six months since our last argument were she over-reacted over something and broke up with me, presumably thinking I would cave like I have done in the past. This time I left her to it and said I respected her decision, a week later she phoned me saying how sorry she was and it wouldn't happen again.

Our worst falling out was around this time last year, she was revising for exams as was I and we weren’t making the effort to see each other mainly due to both of our stubbornness, we had gone about two weeks without seeing each other until I eventually caved and said how much I wanted her back, naturally this pushed her even further away and I found myself jumping through hoops for her trying to win her back. It wasn’t until after term ended and her friends moved back home until she actually realised she had nobody to occupy her time so she took me back. I knew how pathetic and needy I was being at the time and it still bothers me that I jumped through so many hoops for her just to get her back. I swore to myself I wouldn’t let it happen again. She actually said to me a while ago she liked that I never gave up, to which I replied well it better not happen again because I won’t be doing the same.

Now it’s getting to that time of year again and what I had been dreading has happened. We haven’t seen each other in two weeks, any plans we make seem to fall apart, for example she rang me out of the blue the morning after a night out and asked me to come over to hers, I said I had some things to do and would come over afterwards. As I was on my way over she messaged me saying she had gone out to town with friends and would be back later. I felt like she only wanted to see me when she had nobody else to hang out with, so I made other arrangements and said that I wasn’t going to be able to see her.

After this we went on to ignore each other for a week which brings us to yesterday when I caved and messaged her telling her I wanted to talk about where our relationship is at now so we could try and get to the bottom of it and get some closure. We then had a massive argument, I said if she treats me the same as last year and does to prove to me that she wants to be with me over the next few weeks then I will not take her back. The argument went on with her basically saying she can’t give me any time right now and me saying its not that she cant its because she doesn’t want to. I lost my cool and sent her a childish message saying I wished I hadn’t wasted the last few years on her. I realised I had left it badly so I messaged her this morning telling her something that I pretty much copy and pasted from these forums, that ‘I lost my cool and that was a childish thing to say, I don’t feel like you have a whole lot of respect for me and at times you take me for granted. I’m a good boyfriend and care about you a lot but I will not be in a relationship with someone who does not put me first and does not take my feelings into consideration’ She replied ‘I know you’re a good boyfriend but im sorry I cant put you first right now and I know you don’t wanna wait around for me and I don’t expect you to. Therefore I think its best if we go our separate ways’ to which I replied ‘I agree and I think it would be a good idea if we broke up. I don’t feel that you and I are on the same page and I need time to think about what I want’ and she replied ‘Yeah I feel the same way too.’

And that brings us to now, I appreciate that is a long read and a lot to try and understand but felt it best to try and include the whole picture so I could get some accurate advice.

My mind is in a complete mess right now and I can’t decide whether what I’m doing is right or is completely out of order. I know for a fact when term ends and summer comes I can get her back. Should I leave it at that and hope she caves over the next few weeks? Should I give her some space until term ends and then take her back or would that be beta? Have I left it badly and should say something else to her to try and make the situation better? Or is the ball completely in her court now?

In all honestly I’m in a bad situation as I know for a fact my life is better with her in it, I don’t even want to think about looking for somebody new. I can’t help but feel I’m shooting myself in the foot here but how can I just let her put me on the back burner two years running and then go back normal? She has time for her other friends and yet no time for me?

I have no clue what to do in this situation so any advice you could give me would be really appreciated.

basically, heres the idea that you want to give her in a situation like this. you want her to think that you are having such a good time with your friends, and with other girls, that youve forgotten about her. and you want to give her that idea simply by freezing her out. dont contact her. be calm, and cool if she contacts you. oh, and one more thing, other members are gonna criticize me for saying this (and thats ok, always room for improvement) but i tried speed seduction, just wanted to see if it would work or not. and let me tell you, it worked pretty damn well. even got another guy to crush on me with it. u might try that on her if all else fails. just my advice.

No contact, do your own thing, date other women. I guarantee she will cave. But do you really want this tumultuous, emotional rollercoaster of a relationship? Like, REALLY want it?

Interesting post, AFC. I quoted the part above as I think it gets to the heart of the problem (finally). Fix this and you will fix your relationship. Make your life into something spectacular and interesting and girls will jump through hoops to be in it. Make a girl your life and she might stick around, but she'll run the show.

You obviously have things going on if you are only seeing her once in a while, but it's more the mentality. Have a lot of interesting girls and guys in you. Keep flirting and sarging so if "the one" doesn't work out there is "another one".

Besides that generic advise can you tell more about the interaction style you have her. Mention the last date you had or texts?

While trying to figure this out send her a text, but make it so it was obviously for some other girl. Also change up your FB and get some cute girls to make comments. This will raise your value while you sort yourself out a bit.