Okay,
Kick my azz if you guys want to but I am in a predicament.
I AFC'd BIG TIME and don't know what to do...

My girlfriend of 2 months and I are in our 40's, so this isn't a "kid" type thing.
So, last night she said that "I need some "me" time, especially after I work with my clients"
She is a Marriage, Family, and Relationship Therapist.

I will admit that i went head over heels for her when we first met, sending her flowers weekly, telling her i was falling in love, but we didn't get intimate for over 4 dates...

I did not get all needy on her, I just flushed her with everything I had attention-wise from the get-go...
I thought i was doing the "right" thing with her but I guess not.

Funny thing is, is that she occasionally reads the PUA "techniques" as it is helpful to her when with her clients in therapy. She has also said that she appreciated my not doing anything like freeze outs, Push/Pull, ignoring her texts or calls, etc., etc.

We really do get along awesomely, and no problems talking about our feelings, no "head trips" being played on each other, great sex...

She did make it clear that she is only talking about a day or so...(this was a thursday night and she likes to have fridays to herself to unwind). She also said if she was asking for "weeks of me time", it would mean a break-up and we both agreed to that for sure.

Damn if there isn't much more to the story than that but, this is the core issue I'm having...

WTF should I do?

She told me when we finished texting last night "Thank you for being so loving and patient with me. I feel like i don't deserve your love sometimes Sweet Dreams xoxo"

I texted back that I thought she was scared to love a guy again as she had 2 broken relationships last year. (One break-up for her just coming into 2012, and one 3 month relationship break-up before I came along 2 months prior to us meeting, and also her dog that she has had for 16 years also died just 3 weeks before we got together) So I also told her in the same text: "please trust me, I will never hurt you. And yes you more than deserve my love... you command it. I adore you."

So guys, how badly have I fu*ked up?

Any advice?

Thank you all very much!

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

You have only been "dating" for two months? WTF? And your up her ass professing all your love to her?

If you think about it for a second, how can a man be completely in love with a woman that he’s just met? And even if you dated her a few times, you hardly even know her. That’s exactly what women think about needy men. “He doesn't even know me… Why does he call me so much? He must be some loser”.

Therapist or not, she wants a MAN, not a boy!


Not needy?, this is NEEDY as fuck Bro

The reason why girls hate guys that are needy is because girls are attracted to MEN. Being needy is a characteristic of a child not a man. A Guy who acts like a child (needy) “is asking" a girl to treat you like a mother and girls hate that. Women want a man that can lead them into wonderful experiences. Women want a man that can make them feel beautiful, sexy, fun, safe, excitement, desire, attraction, all at the same time, regardless of age, income, or looks. A woman has to surrender to you in order for these things to happen. How do you expect her to do this if you are the one acting needy? How do you make her feel all these amazing emotions if you're the needy one? A real man has to be a leader. Then women will follow you. When YOU are a leader then the needy ones will come to you. So when a woman needs love and intimacy she will not only like and want you, she will have to stand in a long line.
Women want a strong man who is confident and independent.
Because being needy is emotionally draining and all consuming. Everyone needs alone time.
For the same reason why guys don’t like girls that are too needy... why would you want to emotionally take care of a grown person who is completely capable of taking care of themselves?

You SAY: She HEARS:

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Damn it... I knew I fucked up big time but not that bad...

I really appreciate that you laid it out for me, I deserve all the kicks in nut sack for acting like such a chump..fuck!

Well, I haven't shoved her away, she is just screaming for a little break. What can I do to re-frame this f'd up mess if anything?

Freeze out, no contact, obviously act like a man and not a needy little whiner but any suggestions or am I just screwed?

You guys ROCK!

I should have checked here before my first date with her.

Even though she is 40, she looks like 30 easily and she is Colombian as well... Easily a HB 9...

You what they say about those Colombian girls....

I just lost my head and stuck my nuts in my mouth...haha!

I do hope to re- frame if at all possible...

You're giving her more attention then she can give back. She feel pressure to match that same amount back. Guilt for not being able to. You're just being awesome, she knows that, but its pressure.

the "she's afraid" thing- that's just what you wish was going on. Cut it out. Give her what she asked, don't blame her for it, she sounds like a keeper.

Hey, thanks and you are right, she is a keeper and I just spun out alittle bit (alot) coming out of the gate.

Hey i just wanted to add
Don't freeze out, no contact, or try and re-frame. You don't need to. You weren't being needy. But to me you were showing tendencies of someone who will BECOME needy.

It's not that big of a deal yet, and the fact you think you might be "just screwed" and maybe should go no contact already is overreacting. It's another indicator to me that you're about to try too hard. Which is the opposite of giving the relationship less attention.

Here is TRYING-TO-HARD to re-frame.(I'm picking on the weakest link in the chain.)
"She's scared to love a guy again because her dog died 3 weeks before we got together"
You're trying to take ALL the responsibility off of yourself here. She will not appreciate that one bit. And forget about buying it!

What was the WHOLE text convo?

WTF? That is why they call it a toothbrush, not a teethbrush...thank you, here (is you) are your crayons.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

haha why you got your high beams on?

This the entire text from Thursday leading into Friday. I am such an AFC for always sending her long mushy messages… That has stopped! We didn’t start talking until around 4 on Thursday as we were both busy. I told her I wanted to come down to her office to say Hi as we hadn’t seen each other for about a day or so. She said sure, come down around 5, I have a 1 hour break. I did and it was fine, nice kissing, I got a back rub etc.

ME: Good Morning Sweetheart!

How are you feeling this morning? I hope you had a wonderful evening last night and wake up feeling refreshed...:):)
I woke up with a big smile on my face because of you!
This morning (8am) I 'm taking flowers to my Mon's to put right at her front door to surprise her when she gets up to get her newspaper:) I love surprises:)
Today is a "hand day" for you and your beautiful hands.
I'm sure your ring is ready to be picked up, and your new gloves should be there today from Nordstroms.... Yay!
Okay, I'm off to a car sale, but I'll be goofing off most of the time... Haha!
Get back to me whenever.... I would love to see you and give you a big warm hug....
Xxxooxoxo!

ME: Jeez... You are getting all the cool stuff today.... Haha!
The Honda dealer just dropped off the side light for BB!
Bye...

Her: (about 4 hours after my last texts) I'll text u after my client xoxoxo

Me: I so want to kiss you passionately right now.....uhhhhh.....
Talk soon

Her: We can now

My client stepped out to restroom -- done at 2:15

Me: Kiss really????
YES!!!!'
How is your day going?
I miss you...
Look what I have in all the cars on my lot....
Hahaha!

Her: Talk to you later...:)Sorry I didn't have time to text. My session went over and now I have a 2-hr session. TTYL

Me: No problem... Talk when done!


Her: I'm just going to stay in because I forgot my coat (I have already said I’m coming down)

Me: At Starbuck's, last call besides the latte?

Her: That's all thank u

Me: Cool

(I went to her officethe first time at 5pm, it was nice, kissing, a back rub, when I left, I remembered she forgot her coat. I decided to go to my house and bring a coat back to her) I left this message as I left the first time:

Me: Okay beautiful girl,
Thank you for the massage and for loving me!
You are the bestest ever!
Text me later if you want, otherwise I'll send you my nite, nite email later...
(using of course, using my inside voice) haha!
Jeez girl, I really dig you!!
Bye

Me: (now heading back to her office) Heading down Sunrise blvd with a coat for you. It is 40 degrees outside

Me: Okay, I'm here

Her: Ok

Me:
(now I’ve left the second time. I teased her about the coat being like a high school letterman jacket and that she could keep it since she’s always liked it. The second visit was fine, light kissing and we sat together whuile she showed me her computerized client program.. after about a half an hour we left) Now I stop on my way home and text her this:

Me: Hi Sweetness!
"Good Night" can mean so many things...
Like a "good night" With a door slammed in your face,
Or a "gooooood niiiiight" if a person is bored and wants to end an evening....
But to me, "Good Night" means exactly that.... A good night with you.
Actually it was a great, fantastic night with you!
It was an awesome night with you!
The nights I spend with you always are perfect sweetheart, and I hope they always will be for you too.
I love how by being around you, I am motivated to do my very best for you, as well as myself. As well as protect you.
I love how you encourage me to be who, and what, I want to be.
And I love how you treat me, like
a guy you care about very much!
So cheers to another good night with the most
captivating, mysterious, gorgeous, stunning, smart, funny, happy, and loving girl in the world!
You my Princess
I hope you have the best sleep ever cause tomorrow your gonna need all your strength...haha!
I've got some passionate plans for you my darling....
I'm hoping you will just find me irresistable when Violet finishes with me tomorrow... YES!
Okay sweetheart... All my love to you! Thank you for sharing how you work with your clients who appreciate you so much, and.... I can't wait until tomorrow....
Sweet dreams...I'll see you there!
Nite, Nite, sweet girl!
WoW!

That last text was at 9:30pm, she texts back at 11:30pm to me Thursday night…

Her: Sweet dreams Michael
I'll read your texts tomorrow.

Me: How beautiful! I was just getting ready to sleep:
You are so wonderful.....:)
I love you:):)

( she has a client, a 60 + y.o. doctor who has a crush on her and also sends her long ass texts like I do, his name is Bob, or Doctor B)

Me: It looks like me and Doctor B are in the same boat.....
Hahahaha! (Meaning now she has put me into Docotr B’s category by reading my texts later…)

Her: I may be working on my client files tomorrow when you're getting your hair done but I will stop by to say hi unless you want to surprise me. I still need my Fri to be "my" day. I haven't received the space I need yet Mr Loverboy! After all, we've seen each other every day but yesterday since last Sat. I am about to join a monastery.

(she and I share the same hairdresser. I had an appt. the next day at 5pm)

Me: Oh.... Okay

What is a monastery?

Her: It was a joke

Buddhist monastery

Me: Thank god!
Damn you!
You scared the fu@k outta me just now
If you want space, I can make you feel like am astronaut if needed

Her: I especially need "me" time on the days I counsel.

Her: Lol!

Me: I know honey, it is hard for me because I want to be there with you
I try to understand,,, men and women are so very different

Her: I am feeling overwhelmed by your attention-- if you want me to be emotionally available to you and kiss and make love to you, let me miss you
(That last bit was a quote from that last movie we saw)

Me: Thank you for being honest to me....
I'm sorry
I am an all or nothing guy....
A balls to the wall super achiever...
I guess that doesn't work too well on a relationship

Her: Balance

Me: Desire

Her: That is a trait that drew me to you

Me: Thank you!

Her: When I saw the gum u gave me, my heart felt warm and I appreciated your love

Me: I have honestly never felt this way toward a woman...
Believe me, I've had plenty of chances

Her: I need time to myself -- then I will be able to be present w u again
I'm sorry my feelings don't match yours.

Me: Hey, no problem...
Don't even take time out to come to the salon...
Violet (the hairdresser) will rock the look and then we can hook up whenever...
It is never a good thing for a guy when his girl says she needs space....
I respect you, I love you,
And I believe you:)

Me again: That's okay honey...
I never asked you to match me

Her: Space can allow for feelings to develop

Her: I'm only thinking of tomorrow

Me: You can't create what isn't there to begin with...

Her: I disagree

Me: Thank god

Me: I just feel really uncomfortable right now but after you said you were talking about a couple days and not weeks... I think I get it...

Her: Good

Her: Weeks would mean a break up

Me: You need to remember that I have not loved anyone in 6 years and I need to remember to respect you.

Her: Yes

Me: I agree, weeks away... It's over... Time apart, that's normal

Her: Ok, I'm glad u understand. Pls don't fuss over me... It's fine to ask me if I need something though. That would give me more space just doing that.
I don't want to be such a focus for you... Just the frosting on your cake (you're the cake)

Me: Okay... That us just my "Neanderthal Man" syndrome

Her: That was cute

Me: ust so you know, you aren't such a focus to me.
I am naturally loving like this and it takes absolutely no extra effort on my part
The Neanderthal Guy... He can be an issue

Her: Are you ok w this conversation? I had to communicate w u before going to sleep.
Ok

Me: Honey, I love the fact you don't bullshit me.
I love you. I care so much for you.
And I am there for you.
If you can't be straight up with me... Then I don't deserve you.

Her: Ok

Her: Shall we say good night ?

Me: Do you want to go right now?
I am fine with talking more but I want you to relax and know I have no interest in anyone else but you.
I can wait for you, and u pray someday you feel the same way as I do
I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't sad that I pushed you to have to yell for air but I am an intense guy sometimes I guess...
You rock Christina!
I absolutely want you in my life baby girl...

Her: Yes, its time for me to go to bed. Thank you for being so loving and patient w me. I feel like I don't deserve your love sometimes Sweet dreams xoxo

Her: Don't change. Ur perfect the way u r. Relationships take practice

Me: I also think that you are scared to love a guy again.
You had 2 relationships recently that hurt you badly and it kills me to think that it could ever happen to the sweetest girl like you.
Please trust me...
I will never hurt you.
And yes, you more than deserve my love...
You command it!
I adore you

Her: (Signing off)

Me

Me: Okay...

Nite, Nite, Princess!
I love you...and I always will no matter what...
I re-read my texts and where I said "I can wait for you and u pray someday you feel the same way I do"
I meant to say " I pray someday you feel the way I do"
No reply needed...
That just makes a big difference to me to clarify that to you.
My heart to you sweetness!
Nite, nite...

I did not text or call her all day at all on Friday. She called me at 4 pm Friday, and left a message saying she would stop by to say hi. (my apt was at 5pm) I called back and left a message to say it is fine either way and by the way, I had to “bitch slap” myself a few times this morning for acting like a whiney needy little bastard child, that won’t happen again. I called her back and she answered. I told her don’t even bother coming by unless you want the hottest fucking kiss ever.

Now this is Friday’s text from me after she left the salon. I was in the chair already but I got up when she walked in to leave me a snack, I went to kiss her but it was a peck on the cheek. I walked her outside and tried for a deeper kiss but it was just feeling lame on her part. We hugged and she said gopodbye

Me: You're a brat...
Just so you know...
Don't tease me!

While I am at the salon, the hairdresser says that she is totally into me, telling her all about me etc., etc. I talk to her about what is goping on currently and she kicks my ass and says “Quit sending her storybook novel sized texts! Just match hers or less. Make her miss you. You are too available to her. Stop it! I would go crazy if I sent you a text and you didn’t respond like usual… chill a bit”

So, I take her advice and don’t text anything more to her. At 8:30pm I get this text from her’

Her: Do u like your hair ?

Me: (usually I text back immediately, this time I wait just over an hour) Yes, it looks great!

Her: (immediate reply back) I'm glad you like it!

Me: (I wait 15 minutes then text) Okay, well I guess good night then Christina...

Her: I've been thinking about you a lot and I appreciate you! Sweet dreams sweetheart

(Now, right after I get the last text from her, I get this one which was “supposed” to be sent to the 60+ y.o. doctor who is crushing on her)

Her: Aloha Bob! I'm out right now but wanted to get back to you on next Wed-- can you come in at 4pm?

ME: (I send her back the cut and paste text she sent along with “Have fun out tonight)
Aloha Bob! I'm out right now but wanted to get back to you on next Wed-- can you come in at 4pm?
Have fun out tonight....

Her: That was for my client-- I'm not out-- I don't want him to think ll text him back late

Her: He was being a little pushy

Me: He and I seem to have a lot in common

Her: What if I was dork

Me: ?

Her: Just giving u a hard time

Her: What if I was out

Her: Would u be ok w that or jealous

Her: Or mad or frustrated

Me: I have never once asked you what you are doing...ever

Me: Out with friends.... sounds fun!

Me: Out with a guy on a date... I'm done

Her: Hahaha chill out what kind of girl do u think I am

Her: Ok signing off

I don’t text back, now just over a half hour later, she texts me this:

Her: I miss you and want to be w u Really signing off now.

Me: The same here Sweetheart....

Now that is where I am at right now on Saturday morning TODAY! I haven’t texted or anything. Not sure what to do but I think I regained some control but I’m not sure. I’m sure we will get together tonight as that has been what usually happens.
Let’s rip this shit apart so AFC’s like me don’t keep fucking making the same mistakes!
Guys, take your best shots. I deserve to get my ass kicked!

Jesus...

Damn if I don't agree totally.... Fuck!

Okay man, no reason to hide it, that was pretty bad. I'm not going to go step by step over what you did wrong. Pointing out the instances of neediness wont really help much. You're probably a pretty smart person. You'll find new ways to act out your neediness. You need some serious work on your inner game to kill this needy bug. Your holding on to tight.

I will point one thing out. You're walkin' on egg shells.

"Hey, no problem...It is never a good thing for a guy when his girl says she needs space"
"That's okay honey... I never asked you to match me"
"I believe you:)" >>>>> translation: "I believe you for now"

You saying you're cool with everything on one hand, but come back with the other trying to slip in that you're not fine. Don't be afraid to say what you feel. You don't have to be some super nice guy before you can get away saying what is on your mind. The only thing you doing is dragging on the conversations. Making her work harder in a bad way.


Okay now for the good stuff....
"You need to remember that I have not loved anyone in 6 years, and I need to remember to respect you"

What you're really saying is "I'm willing to be your bitch IF you promise not to hurt you... deal?"
Work on this as best you can. Inside of yourself.

Are you suggesting just calling her on her feelings?
Or just me manning up and saying how I feel?
Obviously she wants to keep seeing me but I am not sure what to do besides knock off all the afc bullshit.
I texted her a "good morning sweetheart" hours ago and no reply...
WTF ?
Girls are f'ing crazy

No. Don't "call her on her feeling". Not that at all. And I'm not saying that telling her how you feel is magically going to make her want to reciprocate your attention. All though, any time you do talk about the relationship do it like a man. No, I love you, you're amazing, you're the most wonderful human being ever..."You can't create what isn't there to begin with"....Smiley face. No one will buy your smiley face front?

Your trying to slip in your topics. If you want to talk about something then talk about it or don't bring it up at all.

Long game:
Work on WHY you feel the need.... to be needy? Why do you think you have to GIVE so much attention to GET attention back? Why can't you just say how you feel? If you don't work on that I can see you trying to "fix it" by switching from a lot of positive attention to a lot of negative attention. Not by trying to be more natural.

Short game:
Stop talking about the relationship and just ask her about her day.

Don't
"I miss you"
"you're great"
"I can't wait to see you"
"you fill me with a fiery passion"

Do
"how was work?"
"I burnt my pancakes this morning:("
"blah, blah, blah, life, the little things, blah, blah, blah"

Do not make everything into relationship conversation!
She says this Bob character is being a little pushy. Don't make it something about the relationship.

"Me: He and I seem to have a lot in common"

And you're not even being direct about it. That's why she just ignored you.

Well, I called her to see if we were getting together tonight after small talking a bit.
She said she still needs a another day and that I crossed her boundaries by bringing her the coat without asking her and a few other things.
I asked her if she wants to see other guys and she said no, I just want some more time. So we talked about how she felt about what happened .
She said to not worry too much because it Is needless because she wants just some time to chill a bit more.
we talked about me doing too much for her...
So,tonight is off. Tomorrow she reminded me of a little gathering at her friends housei said I'd go to.
I told her I forgot about it but now I remembered so am I picking you up? She said I could meet you there, blah, blah.
I just said yeah I'll go and you just let me know if we are meeting there or not.
Even though she says it's cool I just need a little more space, it just feels weird as shit to me right now...
So i told her I feel like it is the tip of the iceberg of the sinking of our relationship if I don't quit the stuff I'm doing
I don't know what the he'll to do and it is f'ing my head over lots todAy.
Especially after last night's text " I miss you and want to be with you"
I feel like saying to her " fuck that bitch"... Haha!
I have no idea on how to handle this at all and keep my balls
my sack!
She did say today what we all touched on though. That she used to feel energized around me a
but the last few days it feels like I've drained her of the energy...
I can see that now for sure!