Hey guys, could use some advice on what i should do. Im 35, about 10 months out of a 10 yr marriage. Been dating this awsome HB9 for 9months now. We have had some issues thru out the 9months. One of the biggest, is her ex boyfriend. She has been talking with him the whole time (via text n phone). Im her first boyfriend since him also (they dated for about 6months or so). She had a hard time getting over him, he broke her heart and ive had to put in work to break the walls down that he built. There convo's has came and gone during our relationship, and when there talking, we have problems but when there not we hardly argue at all. He tries to break us up and put stuff in her head about me, saying im this and that and she should do this and that, blah blah. She acts like she thinks he's a friend looking out for her but i see what he's really doing. Jump to 3 weeks ago. He had been keeping quite for a couple months and everything going great between me and her. He pops back up and she all of a sudden ask for a night alone. (i can tell she has talked to him almost every time cause her attitude changes). We talk, she assures me everything is ok. So a week later we went to a party and i got very drunk, went down a hallway to use bathroom and on the way back to the room everyone was in there was a girl who grabed me and started kissing me. Well as you guess my g/f walks out at exact moment and saw it, got very pissed, we left party and went to hotel we were staying at and a huge verbal argument were i said alot of things outta anger, etc etc. Worse fight we've ever had. (Still the night ended w/us having sex). Next day she's upset but not im leaving u upset. We hang out all day and night together, and i could tell she was upset but like i said not im leaving upset, (we had sex that night too). I leave next morning for work and texted her at some point during the day and she ignored me, all day. Finally she texted a message saying she wanted to breakup, shut me down, wouldnt even talk. A few days later she told me that yea she had talked to her ex that day and i could tell by what she was saying that he was telling her she better leave me blah blah. So since then, we have got together a few times, hanging out at her pad, drinks at the bar, but she tells me, i need time to think bout what i want, i need space. We got together and spent all this weekend together, could tell she still loves me, everything good, good sex all weekend but she tells me. Give me a month, let me get my head straight, let me figure out what i want. She said, i may want you over one day and not the other, might wanna go out one night and not the other, just give her a month. What im hearing is give her a month so she can see if anything is gonna happen with her ex. Any thoughts? Any advice on what i should do?

Not give a shit!

Mirror her disrespectful bullshit.

Talk to other girls.

Freeze her out a bit.

Be slow to respond to her messages and calls.

Quit letting her walk all over your ass.

If she is talking to him in front of you, leave! No argument, No fanfare, let her know your tired up putting up with it!

Let her think your seeing other women.

Don't discuss the ex, it will get you nowhere. Change subject, or just say "I'm done with the drama bullshit!" and mean it!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Thanks for the advice. Kinda what i was thinking. Your right, i have tried talking to her about him and it does get me no where. It seems like she knows what im telling her about him is true, but as soon as im not around and he contacts her, she's back to the, not sure about things, need space, etc crap. I love her but im about tired of the BS that pops up every so often, with him. Its like she cant/wont quit talking to him.

Do not talk to her about him. He is not the focal point. When you do interact with her, make it about you, and her. Heywood's advice is solid. But personally, I can't just do what he says. It's too many games for me. Seems to me like she is not over him, and he keeps giving her the "window is closing" sales pressure that creates anxiety within her and destroys your relationship.

I would fight fire with fire, but you already screwed up. If things get better again, and then this shit starts up again, I would just come out with it and tell her you really like her, whatever is on your mind, but that you're not going to put up with this kind of shit. Tell her he is just using her for a backup plan or to keep making sure she's around as an option for him, and you're tired of the games. Tell her when she's done with him completely and for good, maybe you guys could have something great. Until then, you don't want the drama in your life. (her window is closing with you too, right?)

Freeze out hardcore after that and start moving on with other women. I'd make her prove to me that she's not going to let an ex play mind games with her and allow myself to be subject to it all. If she isn't over her ex and wants to do that shit, you're better off without her. Let her wear herself out, not you.

For future reference , please learn to paragraph your text. I would've probably read it if it was paragraphed , but given that I'm so tired right now I seriously just ignored your posts OP.


Just a helpful heads up. No one enjoys reading a wall of endless streaming text.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Thanks guys for the advice. Yes vhou812 the window is closing. I am pretty tired of this crap. This aint the first time this has been a problem. She's the first g/f since the marriage tho, and she helped me thru it, so it's hard to just leave. She said to give her a month to get her head on straight, and figure out what she wants. Should i give her an ultimatem now or see how things go throughout the month? Kinda feels like im being her bitch, sitting around waiting. But dont really wanna break up either. Like i said things are great when he butts out.

Next her she has way to much emotional baggage(unless she cuts all ties with the ex he will always be a problem). Game other girls and go no contact man or she'll just keep playing mind games with you

To late guys. Busted her last night. she fucked him. listen to your gut, had a feeling thats what was gonna happen.

Why the hell would you seriously date a woman who's still talking to her ex????
Tough luck but choose better next time and know when to walk away from drama

I had no idea till about 4 months in. Prob should of left then but feelings were there by then. Dumb i know. P oint taken, and i will choose better next time. gonna sarge now and not jump right into another relationship.