Is there a point where your past relationships impede the progress of your future relationships?

The other day, my girlfriend was ping-pong texting. So I playfully looked over her shoulder and she blocked me from seeing who it was. Except when I took that gander, I saw it was her ex. She texted him, "What was it about me that you didn't like when we were dating?"

Now, they were never into each other. He doesn't have sex and is religious; she is not and they weren't compatible. I know for a fact she would not leave me for him.

Add him onto another ex though, and it gets exhausting. The first one used to have a sexual relationship with her, and to this day, he'll shower her with compliments, "I hope work is going really well, you're so smart!" etc. I know he wants to fuck her again, but he is a beta and doesn't know how to go about it.

My gf tells me all the time she wants to marry me and have my kids and is really swept up in the romanticism of it all. She sees a long-term future with me and plans to give up her dream to start a family with me.

I asked her if we'd invite these guys to the wedding when we get married, and she said, "No, that's OUR day. No exes." What I don't understand is: why keep active contact with people from the past if you don't intend to invite them to any significant events in your life? Insecurity?

I'm not a jealous guy and I think talking with exes from time to time is perfectly acceptable. But if it's frequent, I draw the line. I told her that if she wants to carry on friendships with her exes, that's okay, but I'm not proposing to a girl who keeps in constant contact with someone who's seen her naked. Am I in the wrong here?

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I don't think your in the wrong at all, most guys only keep in contact with their exs because they feel like its not as hard to get with them since they've messed with them before, but from your description of your girl I don't think you have anything to worry about though I'd defintely keep monitoring the situation closer than what I'd allow her to know

Don't ever believe what a woman says about their ex's. Who goes around saying that there ex was the coolest guy in the world? She's texting him about their relationship. Could be she's trying to win him over, at least that's how I read it. Regardless, texting ex's about past relationships= not gf material and definitely not wfe material.

Actually, I think the ability to stay friends with ex's is a sign of emotional maturity. It means that you can handle the ending of relationships like an adult.

Just because you stop having sex with somebody, doesn't mean you have to stop liking them as a person. Just say'n.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I think it's acceptable to be on good terms with an ex. And I've had girlfriends introduce me to exes in the past, and it was no big deal because enough time had passed and there was nothing secretive about it.

Don't you think it's dependent on A.) How much time has passed and B.) How frequent the interactions are?

All opinions welcome. I'm interested.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

You're missing a major red flag. You gf was SECRETIVE and texting an ex about their past relationship. Not gf material. Ex or not, if she was secretly texting a guy friend and saying "what don't you like about me" what would that say? Come on, if a girl texts any guy "what don't you like about me?" what does that mean? Would a female friend text you that? Would your sister?
You're listening to her words, not her ACTIONS.

ermmm

No way should your gf be texting an ex anything in relation to "HOW IN THE WORLD COULD I HAVE BEEN BETTER TO YOU, SO YOU WOULD HAVE STAYED WITH ME" type of thing.

That's my 2 cents...talk to her, set things straight. Hell, when my GF at first mentioned the exes, my facial expressions changed to show I didn't like hearing about them...and so it stopped aftr going out a few times...

Guys and Gals can't just be friends...I dont care what in the world anyone else tells you...and so as an ex...there is always a chance of them getting b together.

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I am who I think I am, and who I am, I am because I think I am who I am= Your thoughts define your actions and your life.

It's a tough decision to make. Nostalgia has clouded my mind on this one. I have a loooong history with this girl.

I don't mind keeping contact with exes if it's rare. Once or twice a year? Fine. But multiple times a week? Feel free to disagree with me guys, but I call that behavior whorish. Monopolizing attention and the mark of a lower class girl.

You can't convince anyone to change who they are. So unless she has a come to Jesus moment, I'm going to end it.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Women who keep exes around are themselves insecure. Like attracts like, so basically the men they are around usually are insecure too! That's why the peaking on the phones by guys checking up.

To get rid of her ex, you have to play a game that you are better than the ex, by knowing why she dumped him and how long and what he used to keep her hooked for so many years. Then, you formulate a game plan to convince her through actions that you are better than her ex. It's a long game full of ups and downs (remember she's insecure) and you must be a good player with tons of experiences. Sometimes though you may have to go to the extreme like if her ex gave her the best sex and creampied her all the time so she got the ultimate orgy (her preference), she'll quietly convey this message to you. Ofcourse, you both need to get tested. But are you willing to go that extra mile? Then you need to think that B/C isn't 100% effective and what if she missed this and that.. So you see, to get full closure on her ex, she must first determine if you are the best replacement or otherwise she'll keep plan B alive (back up guy). Her ex has the upper hand too that if he ever cums back and screw the woman, it'll be creampie sex and then if she gets preggie, then it's your fault unless you insist on a paternity test.

This is the reason why they make great fuck buddies, but not necessarily relationship material unless you really love her and willing to go the extra 100 miles to make that happen and still have a chance to crash and burn!

Exes stay around for one reason. Either to manipulate them back into the relationship thus destroying it as pay back or simply insecure enough because of lack of closure. Think about it. Exes who do this affect their own relationship too. The girlfriend will think why her boyfriend is still talking to his ex or vise versa. It's not healthy, but really these are insecure creatures. Secure people simply say c'est la vie and adios. I did.

I know she fancies me over her ex, so I'm not worried he's going to steal her. In fact, he's been dating someone for some time now, and an attractive girl to boot. My problem is that it's being pushed in my face to the point that I can't look the other way or ignore it, no matter how much I occupy myself.

Most exes you hear about you never see, and there's a reason for that. No guy wants a better visual of some other dude laying it to his girl. If that contact is almost daily, it's too nauseating for me to continue on this path. Bottom line: there are more girls out there.

This is all from someone with solid inner game who maintains a good frame control. I agree that typically, an insecure man would peek at his girl's phone. In this case, though, I think only an oblivious man wouldn't. I saw a brief enough glimpse that I don't think it's worth it to gamble thousands on a ring, a wedding, half my assets, 18 years worth of alimony payments ( if we had kids) for someone who cannot simply ease up on the frequency of her contact with an ex.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Why worry? You are with her now no?!? You are the one that's cumming inside her and no one else no?!? So yeah, no worries there.
Here's the deal. Her ex is a looser by staying with your girl. But why is he still communicating with her then? Trust me -- he's the one initiating it! I suspect lack of closure and getting back by means of jealously. Some exes go on and on for YEARS like an energizer bunny. I think before she met you, her past boyfriends (if she had any then) after her ex had already dumped her because of this. You see, her ex game playing worked. It's a way of punishing her for leaving him. It's a sick game. The victims are the new hot girl of his and your girl friend, but NOT YOU if you stay cool. When a woman breaks up with her man, it's done like dinner. The only time she goes back to her ex and have sex is when you are doing something really bad; her means of punishing you. If you don't giver her the ammo to do this, then she can't possibly cheat on you.

The main reason why she will cheat on you is what you are doing now. You are becoming paranoid and you are not strong enough to weather the hurricane force winds because you're afraid her ex is your competition. He's not, but he's now playing you to become his tool of her own relationship destruction. Trust me, this game will continue until you outsmart her ex with "TIME". If you know he stayed with her for 5 years, then you have to weather this out for 10 years. Of all of this, her ex will taunt her. Are you married yet? Is your relationship still good enough -- heh look ours lasted 5 years but this smuck of yours is only 2 and you're still talking to me.. Her ex will stop when he realizes his game is ineffective and move on -- usually a beta male looser do this after the fact. Now you know why most men stay away from these women and only make them as fuck buddies? The sad news is the girl, but then the girl have to learn her lesson and to become stronger and more secure. You can only motivate her to make the change. Lots of hard work, but heh that's what love is all about.

How old is she?

I completely disagree with you. Yes, the ex is a loser for being this persistent. They didn't even date that long, but let's say they dated 5 years: I think it's ridiculous to propose dating her for 10 years will rid her of whatever relationship she has with him. Ridiculous.

If you were getting texts from someone you weren't interested in, wouldn't you just not respond? And if that person persisted and it caused harm to a relationship you cared about, wouldn't you tell them to stop? It's gotten to the point that it's interrupting many chances of shared happiness, and I can't tell her who she can or can't text. So I'm out.

I'm not married yet, and have the luxury of being selective. As for how old she is, she's old enough to know what she's doing is childish and that I'm too old to stick around to endure any more of it.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Time has a way of healing things and the reason I know this is because, I have 2 male friends who's been through this and succeeded in marrying them. One has 2 kids and still doing fine. The dating courtship was 9 years for first friend (married now for 20 years) and the second one was about 7 years (married now for 13). Time also made the women older so now, you can't really be childish 35 year old or 45 year old either. Also these women waited long for the perfect man. But we both know that there is NO SUCH THING as a perfect man. You're not perfect and neither am I. So time forces them to accept reality. That is why I asked you about her age.

It's fine if you don't agree with me, but have you ever thought through why you are always stuck with women such as your girlfriend no matter how well you play it?!? Perhaps the lord had given you the task to be on this earth to learn a lesson with her and to learn forgiveness and be at peace. You either have to go through with it, or then leave her and meet another woman and go through with it as well. See my point. The loop never ends, though it ended with 2 of my friends. Your choice.

One of the things I learned is you can not control other people's minds and lives. If they want to respond to a text from the ex, they have the right too even though it's wrong. But that's your morality at play, not hers. You NEED to instill your morality to her by ways of actions not words by providing more love and forgiveness. You are not helping the case by being paranoid and nervousness. She will sense your negative energy miles away. Women are good at this and this is why they are so good at reading men and you. Really work on your love and forgiveness to her and that's how you are going to make it work. Ramming through your morality onto her will not, because she has made many poor choices in the past and that's what made her to be now! She's not a nun you know.

Why the whole discussion about ex's? You found a text where your gf was flirting with her ex and hiding it from you.

How is her ex a loser for being persistent? She's texting him about their past so no offense but you're gf sounds like a bigger loser for even thinking about that stuff and taking the time to text him that.

The ex is hanging around not to manipulate or anything. Your gf is telling him she's thinking about the good ole days. If my ex were texting me that, yeah I'd text her because I know I could easily hit it just from that message.

Dr. Jones...I mean no disrespect here but are you so in love with this girl that you'll reframe HER texting him and HIDING it from you as HE'S a persistent loser trying to manipulate her? That's like if your girl blew a guy in a bathroom and then told you he has a small dick and you go on thinking, "oh he'll never get with her....my dick is waaay bigger." You're missing the fact SHE's flirting with HIM and HIDING it from you.

If she can text him about the past, and hide it from you, how do you know she isn't meeting him? If it's because you're better than him she wouldnt be thinking of THEIR relationship while being in the same room as you.