So it's been a year going out with a girl. We still haven't even said we are boyfriend and girlfriend really.

This wknd she said she wants to meet her friends and go out so I said fine. She says she is just going to have a few drinks and go home. She calls me at 4.30 am absolutely drunk talking nonsense and wanting to come over to my place. I tell her to get a taxi.

She arrives and I'm waiting and I open the taxi door. Nxt thing she just flips out saying I'm not happy to see her and that she's going home in the taxi and won't come to my place.

I have a big argument and try to convince her to stay. She runs off and gets into another taxi. I got really angry and shouted at her and said some bad things but I think justified. I slammed taxi door and called her everything you can think of.

Now I can't sleep, can't eat and she wouldn't answer any calls. I'm scared that's it, she won't ever answer again. It's not really my fault so don't know what way to handle this.

Wtf man, is that girl crazy or what ?

My advice is, stay calm and collected. Don't contact her for at least 2-3 days and then try again and act like nothing happened, wait for her to bring it up. Seems to me that she needs to apologize to you for her bratty behaviour. She gives you a huge drunk-drama scene plus she gets mad at you, seriously man..

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shes not normally like this but she was drunk. turns up in a taxi and i gave out to her and then she fliped saying she wants to go home and I tried to calm her down but she ran off into a taxi. i called her everything bad i could think of and slammed the cab door.

i feel so sick. can't eat or anything but its all her fault as I see it and even after I shouted at her i texted 10 mins later to apologise.

First off, you've been dating for a year, but no relationship? How did that transpire?

Secondly, your behavior appears very needy to me. You would obviously have been better off with telling her to go home, instead of letting her come over. Later, you would obviously have been better off with telling her to go home, instead of trying to convince her to stay over. And after that, you would obviously have been better off with letting her go home, instead of insulting her. Insulting her cost you the moral high ground, and so that makes things much more difficult.

So you fucked up, but what you do know is almost the same as what you would have done if you hadn't: the opposite of being needy, you freeze her out until she apologizes for her behavior. Since you insulted her, you carry part of the blame, and you can't ignore that. So you'll have to send her one text along the lines of:
'What I said on [blablabla] night went too far and I apologize for that. You are not [blablabla] at all, I know you as a very [blablabla] person. So I'm sorry I said all those things, I shouldn't have done that. On the other hand, you weren't being our usual sweet self either, to put things mildly. You called me up in the middle of the night, showed up at my doorstep angry, and shouted at me on the street. I hope you are mature enough to recognize this as well. I've said my piece, if you want to make up with me, you'll know how.' After that, you'll proceed with your life as normal. Ignore any and all messages from her except apologies.

You see how much easier not insulting her would have been?

EDIT: You failed to mention you already texted an apology. In that case, freeze her out. Don't initiate contact, and ignore any and all messages from her except apologies.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

thanks mate it makes sense. I know I lost it by asking her to stay and I stopped her getting into a cab once or twice and then she started saying I was being aggressive and scaring her. I shouted at her but never was going to touch her at all. I just hope she can see what she did wrong that started it all. I worry about her that her friends left her and she was so drunk she didnt even remember paying the taxi. i wanted to make sure she got home safe.

i'm still mad worried and its completely ruined my day and probably the next week. she is stubborn so I cant see her apologising too soon

Obviously she remembers something because she doesn't answer your calls. But to counter stubbornness, I mentioned the things she had done and the 'make up with me, you'll know how' in my example. Anyway, too late for that now. You'll just have to have the confidence that she'll come back to you. And if she doesn't, then that is a shame, but then it was probably not meant to be. As for what to do now, distract yourself: go out with some friends, exercise, take your mind off the girl and enjoy yourself. Whatever you do, do not contact her, you already apologized, now it's her turn. Chasing her will just push her away.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

thanks. i can see this going on a while with how stubborn we are but i'll let you know what happens.

So this happened Saturday night/ early sun morning. Its Monday lunchtime now and still haven't heard from her.

I feel incredibly ill, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm fighting every second not to call txt her.

I'm thinkin now in her drunken state she wanted this to happen and I played into it and now I've lost her.

It's killing me. Will I still hold out. I might have to call or text tonight. Which is better?

ok so I though my original apology i sent 10 mins after she left the other night when she was drunk so maybe she didnt read it properly or with proper mind.

i sent the following text now:
confrontation could have been avoided...I apologise on my part for getting angry... i would like to talk this through later tonight or when you are ready

How naive can you be.. the users on this forum told you to enjoy your life and NOT text her again, or else it will push her away, and what do you do? Text her and still expect us to help you... Please, stop texting her , read about innergame and how to be alpha male. You should never apologize for something you did, unless you hurt her or something, in this case you shouted at her etc, you apologized once, ENOUGH! Stop feeling ill about one girl that you're not even in a relationship with, dude you have issues. Get a life that is not about her, but about yourself, and if she comes back to you, make her a part of your life, not your whole life. Be so that if she is not in your life you can still find fun and happy people to hang with...

She replied saying she apologises and she shouldn't have done everything and that she provoked me and then says that she doesn't want to talk about it now and will talk in a few days

I just texted bck saying I appreciate and accept apology and that we should have serious chat in a few days and she should write down anything she wants to discuss and ill do the same.

Yep chumpish but maybe I can turn it around with the chat

It's great that she apologized for getting angry and that you have, at least temporarily, resolved this crisis. However, I hope you recognize your underlying problem is still there: you continue to let her exercise power over you. The effect of your text is a good example of this: instead of putting her in the time-out, she's put you in the time-out. Like a dog, you follow her when she says 'heel', and wait contently when you are told 'stay'. That is not healthy behavior, so I can only agree with Wizzay: "Get a life that is not about her, but about yourself". Not only would that be better for you as an individual, but I also think it would improve your relationship: neediness is not attractive.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Your right in some ways. When I got her in the first place it was the opposite. She was too needy and it put me off. I do have a life and we don't see eachother during the week normally. Then basically comes to the wknd and always seems to be her saying I can't see you on Friday etc so she basically gets her way even though if sometimes it suits me anyway as I already had plans those nights.

I'm not sure if I can turn this around now. I want her as my girlfriend.

i need to PM someone please. She replied but I would like if someone can help me

feel free to PM me

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