Hey guys,

Havnt posted here in awhile. Used to have an account but can't get access to it anymore.

I wanted to know if this would be regarded a shit test and from a relationship of one year whether it should be tolerated.

Scenario:

Me: I have my own life, have plenty of friends who are girls and I'm a successful busy person.
My girl: busy girl, lots of friends mainly guys, works hard, successful and as far as I know really loyal

My girl every couple of weeks will cancel plans or say shes busy 'working'. I'm like "Ok cool"

Then I see shes out with her friends or she does subtle things to tell me shes out with her friends.

Ill call her at some point during the night about something and she wont pick up her phone because shes "busy".

Lately I was like "Please, I know what you're doing" and went to the local hangout she goes to with her friends. She is always there playing cards or doing something else. I get upset because she's lied to me and I'm like "Hey wtf?"

She acts like she doesnt understand why I'm upset but on her face that gives me no doubt that she knows what she is doing.

She has alot of guy friends she will hang out with during these times and if I show any signs of jealousy towards them she rubs in it over the next few weeks to get power or whatever she tryna do.

So what is it? Is she shit testing me? Is just dishonest? Or she has some sort of hidden agenda to sex one of the guys she sees?

Whats my best response? I think "Do nothing and act like I don't care"

Cheers

Hey Man,

i'm learning a hard lesson on here myself...

One of the only things that i "didn't" do wrong was to question her on "where were you?" What are you doing?" etc., etc.

Girls HATE that stuff. it shows insecurity and AFC behaviors.

My girl even called me on it one time... asked me if i would get mad, frustrated, jealous, or angry if she was "out" without me...

I replied: "I've never once asked you what you are doing or where you are going...ever"

I then added: "Out with friends...sounds like fun! - Out with a guy on a date...I'm done..."

Honestly, with as bad as I have been fucking up with her (see my post "Overwhelming her...") I still managed to not get in her face at all about going out alone, or with her friends, guy or girl.

You have to let her do it. I always say "Hey, do what you want, no problem". I made it clear that if she "dates" another guy, I'm gone. now it is her choice.

But, I am in the middle of trying to pull out of some serious AFC behavior so take my advice with a grain of salt but whatever you do, don't try to "hold her down" ot tell her what she should be doing... That is sudden death for all of us!

Best of Luck!

"Do nothing and act like I don't care" might not be the best way to go about it. Instead, act like nothing is wrong + now and then tell her you're busy and by busy I mean go out with friends and chicks. Flirt a bit, make some other chicks like you but all with plausible deniability. Remind her that you can easily get other chicks if she is crossing a line, that she is, after all, expandable. The whole thing should be carefully calibrated, or it might blow up in your face. Don't let her catch on you're doing it on purpose. Be casual about it and do it at random times.

Cheers guys,

That's a big help, you are right.

I need to chill and act like it doesn't bother me but if it does find other ways of showing value so she keeps interested.

Good advice

Dude walk you have better fish to date [/quote]

_________________
You lose a lot of money chasing women but you won't lose women chasing money.

Someone here said that girl hate being asked 'Where you at / what u doing ? etc etc".Yeah,well,guys hate that too.

This isnt necessarily a shittest / hidden agenda / whatever other bullshit. Some people might have unpleasant experiences in previous relationships in regards to these things.Maybe she had a really possesive guy before you , and now automatically tries to avoid these types of conversations with you to avoid any drama. You need to sit her down and tell her that she can communicate with you what she's doing and that there's no need for shadiness,because you're not like that.Obviously this implies that you will not give her any form of shit for doing whatever she's doing.


Both you, and her , should understand that its 100 times better if she would pickup the phone and say : " Hey babe ,I'm out with friends , talk to you later" and then you say " Oh , a'right , sorry , have fun", rather than avoiding to answer your call and you getting all upset and whatnot.

Do you understand this ? communication , it's simply golden.

Anyway , If she's gonna cheat on you, she's gonna cheat. Simple as that. You simply CANNOT prevent her from being attracted to someone else.It's human nature. You , op , are probably attracted sexually and would have sex (if you could) with some random person everyday,right ?Now,weather she takes it further , and cheats on you , kinda depends on you. If you give her your trust , if you dont lie to her , bla bla , you also give her something to lose , and maybe she wont want to lose it.

Think about it,will ya ?

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Thanks guys

It just happened again.

She bailed on movie plans... texted her later and asked her to come out for a drink. She said she was busy baking with her Dad and would be to tired to do it later because she had to pick up the rest of her family from some place.

I then went to town to get Coffee with a friend and saw her there about an hour after she was meant to be picking her family up. Felt pretty lied to as she was there with a dude I don't like that much.

Decided to call her and asked her to come out for a walk with me.

Told her that I had been feeling distant (which I had) since this started happening and that we need to communicate if we are going to have a trusting relationship. She agreed and apologized. It's now 2 hours after she said she was going to bed... shes still in town so I am starting to have issues trusting her. I did what I could though we've been together for over a year and this needs to get sorted. If she is going to lie shes going to lie. I doubt she has anything to hide just choose to. Hopefully our agreement that if she communicates with me I wont get angry with her decisions will help.

What are your guys thoughts?

Shit test? No. You're gf lies to you and doesn't respect you. She could be cheating but that doesn't matter. The only thing you can do and should do is leave her. You can act like you don't care, but why be with someone who lies and doesn't have simple respect for you?

You seem to have a pretty easy time finding out where she is.

You now established that communication is better.If she understands that, perfect , its a step forward. Now,if she lies to you again and you see her out when she's supposedly 'baking with her dad' just walk straight up to her lean in and whisper in her ear:

"We're done. I deserve better than this shit."

After that , just walk away.Dont even look at her, just turn around and walk away. And truth is , you do deserve better. She might be cheating on you, she might not be , it doesn't even matter. Truth is , she can't even be honest with you. No relationship has any kind of chance of any kind of success without honesty and trust.So why hang around ?

Plus , you don't need that kind of mind fuck in your life.No one does.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Ok cool thanks guys

She has to go, man. Just send her a text saying "this relationship is not for me.bye" and that's it. This is priceless.

$100 says she's cheating or at least planning on doing so

If my gf said she was doing something with her dad and then i see her in town with some guy i'm dumping her on the spot without so much as an arguement

There's an exception to every situation. I once had this happen to me. Some mutual friend told me he saw my girl out with some guy while I knew she was home studying.

I was pissed and later found out that she was actually out with my best friend planning some sort of surprise party for me (I just got my driver's license by then so they wanted to celebrate).

I know it's different , I'm just saying that shooting first and asking questions later , or never , is not a good idea.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

RC thanks for your post. Saw her in town last night when she said that she was having a dinner with family all night and didnt have time to hang out. Asked her about it this morning and found out she was working then giving her friends a lift after dinner had finished.

One issue that's constantly rising up is that she puts her friends ahead of me. She did it again tonight. Not sure how to deal with it, barely seen her for the past couple of weeks. It's like she doesnt want to hangout any more. Today I lost my cool with her and told her that if she was going to cancel on our plans again then I was out. It didnt go down well.

She then said "Ill hangout then" and got all moody about it.

Not sure what to do about this, my work requires me to think critically a lot and make tough decisions. Since I started having plans changed on me, less time with her than we usually would and this shady stuff it's throwing me off.

My question now: is it me or is it her?

Am I the one pushing the relationship on to her to much and pushing her away or is she just not that into us and doesn't mind either way anymore.

I have been needy with her in the past and right now I know I am being needy with her, just not sure of what else I can do. I can act cool about it but nothing will change, shes going to continue to be conveniently busy when I want to hangout and chances are that shes going to then.

She says she weighs up all her options and tries to fit everyone in the best she can but it feels like I am being put at the bottom of the list and our calendars are constantly crashing because i'm busy and she knows that. I am only free at certain times during the week and she keeps making plans on those days when she knows the intention was for us to hangout on that day/night. I try to be cool about it, stay busy but eventually it always explodes in my face and I am coming off far worse off in this relationship.

We are great when we are together but the communication is not there and we are just out of sync. Anyone been in this situation before? Is it one of those things, I just need to let go of her or unplug myself from the relationship like she seems to do and be indifferent if we don't see each other the entire week?

Completely lost right now